Why does my son dream that I kill him?

I hope this fits the mold enough to be here. If not, please pardon me as ive posted only once or twice and that's been some time ago.

I'm concerned for my son because he dreams that, basically, I kill him. He just came to me crying after waking up from "another one." He's only mentioned dreams similar to this once before but he referred to THAT one as "another one" too so the theme is recurring. In the dream tonight, he described "we were on this big ship and you grabbed me and threw me overboard to the sharks!" He was obviously disturbed by it as was I. I hugged him and let him stay in bed with me. I imagine hearing this from your child would bother any parent. It also perplexes me because we are very close having had only each other most of his 6 years.

My thoughts on dreams are based upon my experience which is limited as I do not dream much. When I do, it's rarely disturbin but more along situations that are weird and nonsensical. I can only think the root cause of him having these bad dreams is insecurity.

Last spring, his mom came back into the picture after being around very little most of his life. She came back in a way that was to "save face," I suppose, blaming me for her absence. The judge sided with her giving her immediate full visitation and me "physical" custody. All i had told her a year before was that "no" she couldnt just come take him. DHS had recommended that too saying he needed a gradual period to get to know her (and for me to be comfortable because she provided no "reason" to be disconnected so long). I feel as though I've put aside my frustration towards her lying in court and getting away with it, because I knew it'd affect him. This dream of his, however, makes me wonder if somehow all this "back and forth" is wearing on him.

Any thoughts on the above being the cause or possibly something else altogether? Have any of you had your child dream such as my son has or you yourself experienced it regarding your parents? Or am I overblowing this?

Thanks,
Aboom

a reply to: Aboom

Because you are going to kill him!!! You can't stop it now. It's been chosen. You son knows!!

Na, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Kids dream stuff like that when they're young as they mentally work through some things.

I used to dream of killing my grandmother. I had her dangling off the edge of a cliff and a huge whale would be jumping up to eat her over and over and I eventually dropped her every time.

It's just some emotional/mental issue he's working out in his dreams for whatever reason.

Experiment: Sneak in while he's sleeping some night and stand over him with a chainsaw yelling. That will scare it right out of him. Or put him in a mental hospital. Let me know which one happens.

a reply to: mOjOm

I've had many dreams where I was a whale.

He perceives subconsciously that you are trying to 'kill' an aspect of his personality or a behavior'
If he is very young, it is because you are guiding him to mold his personalty, there are behaviors you are modifying as his mum.
If he is a teen, it is because he is battling to find himself whilst still under your adult governing.

It's nothing to worry about at all. He is just forming his beliefs and personality : )

Something he read, saw or was told.

Just as an example, he read that a mummy killed her son. It concerns him enough for his subconscious to get hold of it and it comes out in a dream. It could have been on a sleepover or it may be something he overheard you saying on the phone.

If it is recurring, it is a problem.

It could be anything and very gentle questions might provide the answer ... not all at once and keep the questions to the morning so he has the day to assimilate any thoughts.

P

You both exist in an illusion reality where he needs to prove himself to you before he is actually born in the real world. This world is the womb world and you're considering aborting him...and he's afraid. It's going to take a lot of work on his part and many years in the fake reality to convince you to keep him. Good luck, kid.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: mOjOm

I've had many dreams where I was a whale.

Were you the whale that ate his Grandmother?

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I've had many dreams where I was a whale.

Was it anything like this?

originally posted by: Aboom
I hope this fits the mold enough to be here. If not, please pardon me as ive posted only once or twice and that's been some time ago.

I'm concerned for my son because he dreams that, basically, I kill him. He just came to me crying after waking up from "another one." He's only mentioned dreams similar to this once before but he referred to THAT one as "another one" too so the theme is recurring. In the dream tonight, he described "we were on this big ship and you grabbed me and threw me overboard to the sharks!" He was obviously disturbed by it as was I. I hugged him and let him stay in bed with me. I imagine hearing this from your child would bother any parent. It also perplexes me because we are very close having had only each other most of his 6 years.

My thoughts on dreams are based upon my experience which is limited as I do not dream much. When I do, it's rarely disturbin but more along situations that are weird and nonsensical. I can only think the root cause of him having these bad dreams is insecurity.

Last spring, his mom came back into the picture after being around very little most of his life. She came back in a way that was to "save face," I suppose, blaming me for her absence. The judge sided with her giving her immediate full visitation and me "physical" custody. All i had told her a year before was that "no" she couldnt just come take him. DHS had recommended that too saying he needed a gradual period to get to know her (and for me to be comfortable because she provided no "reason" to be disconnected so long). I feel as though I've put aside my frustration towards her lying in court and getting away with it, because I knew it'd affect him. This dream of his, however, makes me wonder if somehow all this "back and forth" is wearing on him.

Any thoughts on the above being the cause or possibly something else altogether? Have any of you had your child dream such as my son has or you yourself experienced it regarding your parents? Or am I overblowing this?

Thanks,
Aboom

I'm working with a 2.5 year old and a just over 2 month old as my control sample in this question.

Dreams overall work with life's experiences, or worries, into them. With a recent shift to a two home family I would suggest the "sharks" are his mother (not suggesting she is mistreating him) and your life together is the boat.
He is adjusting to the new situation, but has fears with the unknown.

My advice is to support and listen. If things get worse make sure you have a court re-evaluate your situation.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I you trying to say that was you eating my grandma???

I can imagine you doing something like that.

She was full Italian too. So she'd have some zesty flavor to her I'll bet.

a reply to: Aboom

There is no solid explanation on why we dream, only theories. My favorite one however (paraphrased) was an explanation going off of studies of a animals. During REM (rapid eye movement) cycle of sleep, dreams happen in real time and can be so realistic our brain paralyzes the body to not act out the dreams.

They altered the part of the brain responsible for paralyzing the body in cats and rabbits. The cats would stalk in their sleep following the edges of its space to stay concealed while the rabbit would run taking tactical lines to evade a predator.

That was a long way of saying I think dreams are for simulations of experiences before we as creatures have the chance to have the real experience as a practice or coping mechanism.

Many people don't remember their dreams but some remember an incredible amount, I being one. I don't take my dreams to heart. They are just attempts at experiencing many different scenarios of life.

The story you outlined in the OP may actually be what the dream is about..

The boat may symbolise the safe place or life that the two of you have been used to, home in other words. The waters are the unknown future, or time that he may be spending with Mum.. it's possible that he feels your lack of control in the situation.. It may also be that he is picking up on some of the feelings or misgivings that you may have about letting go when Mum takes him. Children pick up on things like that more than we think they do.

I'd say that it's not really that big of a deal and just part of the adjusting process.. it's a natural way of learning to relate to changes. Just make sure that you show him the advantages of the situation and encourage him to look forward to spending time with her and getting to know her more.. Let him know that you believe it's a good thing for him to get the opportunity to spend time with Mum.. She may not be the best one ever but she's the only one he'll ever have and it'll be good for him to know her..

The back and forth stuff definitely affects a small child.
He may have abandonment issues.

Or it's metaphoricsl and the shark you're throwing him to is his mother!

Hopefully he can overcome these dreams.

a reply to: Aboom

I can only think the root cause of him having these bad dreams is insecurity.

I would think that indeed is what he is feeling. I also think he fears you will let him go and be with the Mother who was rarely ever there for him as he was growing up. He wants to stay with you and fears having to leave. Just reassure him that all is well.

a reply to: Aboom

Hi Aboom,
You mentioned his 6 years. Is he 6 and did he just start school this year? Yes, I know its March and he would have been in school either since 5, or started in September, but I have a point to this. First thing I thought that he may feel like you don't want him around so you send him to school. Also mentioning his Mom, well that has to be stressful in itself. Does Dad not want me because this strange woman, who is supposed to be my Mom is here? Does Dad want her to take over? There are many questions running through my head, so I can imagine what's going through his little mind. From what I see and think, my opinion is that being killed by you represents being rejected by you. I've always said we are our own best dream dictionary, but in this case we can only guess. I'm not a psychologist but I wonder if he can draw/color his dreams and maybe you can get a better understanding of his thoughts. Maybe he can better deal with his fears that way. I have a dear friend who is a psychologist and is well respected, I could ask him if you want.

Yes abandonment = death, boat = safety, and throwing to sharks implies the prospect of being torn to pieces or torn between the two parents.

It's a normal expression of his own innate, subconscious fears working to resolve themselves.

It reflects perfectly the story about what's transpired regarding his stability.

Just tell him that you love him and that he's safe and sound either with you or when he's with his mom and that you are always backing him all the way and that he needn't be worried or concerned.

And neither should you either. It's totally normal and even healthy, and by bringing the dream to you while being consoled also serves the purpose of the dream.

originally posted by: Aboom
I hope this fits the mold enough to be here. If not, please pardon me as ive posted only once or twice and that's been some time ago.

I'm concerned for my son because he dreams that, basically, I kill him. He just came to me crying after waking up from "another one." He's only mentioned dreams similar to this once before but he referred to THAT one as "another one" too so the theme is recurring. In the dream tonight, he described "we were on this big ship and you grabbed me and threw me overboard to the sharks!" He was obviously disturbed by it as was I. I hugged him and let him stay in bed with me. I imagine hearing this from your child would bother any parent. It also perplexes me because we are very close having had only each other most of his 6 years.

My thoughts on dreams are based upon my experience which is limited as I do not dream much. When I do, it's rarely disturbin but more along situations that are weird and nonsensical. I can only think the root cause of him having these bad dreams is insecurity.

Last spring, his mom came back into the picture after being around very little most of his life. She came back in a way that was to "save face," I suppose, blaming me for her absence. The judge sided with her giving her immediate full visitation and me "physical" custody. All i had told her a year before was that "no" she couldnt just come take him. DHS had recommended that too saying he needed a gradual period to get to know her (and for me to be comfortable because she provided no "reason" to be disconnected so long). I feel as though I've put aside my frustration towards her lying in court and getting away with it, because I knew it'd affect him. This dream of his, however, makes me wonder if somehow all this "back and forth" is wearing on him.

Any thoughts on the above being the cause or possibly something else altogether? Have any of you had your child dream such as my son has or you yourself experienced it regarding your parents? Or am I overblowing this?

Thanks,
Aboom

Well that's what you're doing to him. He is a part of you and his ma. The both of you not being able to get your # together and be a family is killing him. You need to man up dad. You threw him off the boat and to the sharks the day you let the courts decide your familly issues. Teach him about God. Read the Book of John. He needs someone he can trust who will see him through the pile of crap he was thrown into. We ALL were. But just play it out another way. God's way. It's the only way to end his bad dreams. Pray over your child. Children are a reward from God. Ma isn't going to come around if you have control and she feels like an outsider and you've sealed your bond with your son. Too painful. That's ma. Man up man. Love your ex because you love your son. That is love. Never conditionally love your children's ma or dad. You unconditionally love them as proof of your unconditional love for them. Period. Period. As painful as it is. Tell your boy you love his ma AND PROVE IT.

Totally normal. Read up on the Oedipus complex.

In the phallic stage (3 to 6 years) it becomes an important part of their development.

Don't get distracted by Freud's references to sexuality - it's a part that is easy to misunderstand, and must be taken into context with Freu'ds time period...

But this is a time that he is forming his idea of himself as a male, like you, and different from females, like mom.
This is also a time a certain deep level of competative feelings arise for the affections of mom, with the father.
But he is also aware dad is bigger, stronger, and more powerful in many ways - he doesn't stand much of a chance in a rivalry!
Freud spoke of "fear of castration" by the father.... but if you can consider "castration" as a metaphor for ones ego (sense of self as an individual) being cut down, cut off, or otherwise eliminated it is easier to make sense of.

We form our ego in relation to and in contrast with, others/ the outside world.
Mothers usually being the first "other" we have contact with as newborns, they become the primary symbol of "other".
The father usually becomes the symbol of "self" -ego.
At this age, it is like he is realizing there are other "self"s, like him. These selfs are all trying to grow, to develop, to determine their power, through their interactions with other/exterior/not-self.

Hence, he will feel instinctively, a sort of rivalry between this primary perception of self, and his own budding sense of self, for the affections, admiration and respect of the primary "other" (mom).

That you, in his dreams, are winning... and even quite definitively (killing him, instead of just limiting the growth of his ago) suggests he is afraid he has no chance in this. He cannot get even a smidgeon of his mothers acknowledgement.

But also, he might be sensing, despite all your efforts to do and show otherwise, a certain hostility from you towards her.
So that he feels if he makes any effort to get close to her, maybe even express any desire to do so, it will make you angry against him.

This, of course is probably an exaggeration! You sound like a balanced normal guy, and probably with some very valid complaints about her behavior! But this is looking into some very deep seated feelings, and the way kids can sort of feel them stronger than they might actually be to the adult.

I am not a mental healthcare professional! This is not an analysis to take seriously, it certainly isn't anything to choose action upon! It is throwing out some ideas and references that might enable you to
1 -consider for a second that this isn't a major crisis, it is probably within normal range. Don't upset yourself.
2- maybe you can refer to some professional sources to just feed your brainstorming, help put some of this into a structure that makes sense for you
3- maybe consider getting therapy for you and him together, during this time of transition which sounds like it is going to be a bit challenging and troubling for all involved.

Good luck to you guys! You'll get through it! It's just normal growing pains!

a reply to: Aboom It completely normal. You have nothing to worry. In astrology we call this "opposition emanations" . It happens when the orbits of certain planets activate a specific things in your common chart. If you want to calm your son, bring him to an astrologist in your area. He will be able to explain your kid in graphical and logical manner how this things have no serious reasons at all.

you say you are very close having only had each other for the 6 years of his life.

From my experience with lucid dreaming and understanding that in those states of mind your thoughts create your environment, I would say he loves you very much and is afraid of losing you.

In the dream world consciousness creates reality instantly. When your afraid of something, something will attack you, if your happy and confident, your consciousness creates a reciprocating dream environment.

As a kid I had nightmares all the time, like being chased by witches and monsters and stuff. I told my mom about my nightmares every morning and one day she told me if i know that I'm dreaming i can control the dream. From then on i had powers over the monsters and witches that were attacking me and my nightmares stopped.

I'm positive the only reason he's having these dreams is because he is afraid of losing you. I suggest talking to him that he doesn't ever have to worry about losing you, and also teach him that he can control his dreams if he knows he's dreaming.