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The First Step - [YJA2017] - [non-writer]

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posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 04:28 AM
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His shoes go over the edge of the grey concrete ledge, they're visibly sharp and in focus in comparison to the bustling city streets that are hundreds of feet below him. His tie bellows and flutters around his neck from the constant gusts that exist at this height. The sky is dull and grey. It comfortably accentuates the drabness of the concrete jungle that eagerly meets it at the horizon.

He looks straight ahead, taking in the moment. For the first time in months he's really aware of his existence. The goose bumps on his neck, the isolated sound of his breathe, the distant hum of traffic. He is aware of it all. For that brief instant, he was himself again. His mind empty and his conscious clear. But it didn’t last for long. He won't be here much longer anyway.

In a few moments, the lingering dread that haunts the depths of his soul will be no more. They can't control him now. They can't exploit him anymore. He smiles at the thought and closes his eyes. He holds his head forward and lets his arms rise up from his sides, allowing his suit jacket to bluster in the sporadic wind. He sways forward almost losing his footing as old paper receipts fly out of his pockets into the invisible zephyr swirling around him. He watches them spiral downwards until they disappear from sight.

It’s almost time.

He stays calm and upright as he strides into the open air without hesitation, taking his first step of this unknown journey. His suited anatomy instantly disappearing into the depths of the city below. His clenched fist opens releasing a creased up picture of him with a woman and two children. It gently floats upwards before landing on the ledge where he stood moments ago. Its visibly sharp and in focus in comparison to the bustling city streets that are hundreds of feet below it.

His journey here has now ended. But wherever he is now, it’s only just begun.

The End.
edit on 9/3/2017 by heliopolis because: amended




posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 04:30 AM
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a reply to: heliopolis

I liked your story, very nice.




posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 04:35 AM
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a reply to: Neith

Thanks for the positive comment





posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 04:36 AM
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a reply to: heliopolis

Fantastic and sad.
I was on the ledge beside him.




posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 04:39 AM
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a reply to: TNMockingbird

Thank You, I appreciate your comments





posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 06:04 AM
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a reply to: heliopolis

Hi heliopolis!


I wondered if anyone would tackle a death like that.
Well done, that was sad but almost peaceful.

Considering all the stigma related to suicide, it would be interesting to see what happens next for your character...(but also cool that you leave us not knowing.)

S&F
jacy



posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 06:16 AM
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a reply to: jacygirl

Thanks Jacy, your acknowledgement is appreciated!

I like to let the reader fill in the blanks, things like the reasoning behind his decision as well as the outcome that follows. I feel it makes the story all the more intriguing.


I also thought that a number of writers may gravitate towards the actual 'afterlife journey' itself so I wanted to try something a little different.

Thanks again for your positive comments Jacy!





posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 06:24 AM
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a reply to: heliopolis

My pleasure, heliopolis.

I did actually contemplate a suicide/afterlife piece myself, lol.
Mine was going to have no judgement/no consequences...but I figured I'd get lots of negative feedback so I stuck to my fluff story.

Kudos for 'going there'.
Writing fiction can be a tough call.
Are readers going to judge you for your 'fictional perspectives'? (No wonder so many great authors were alcoholics, eh?)
jacy



posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 06:42 AM
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a reply to: jacygirl

If you had a good idea sourced from a similar perspective you should have just gone for it!

The feedback never really worried me. And however I'm judged doesn't really bother neither.

The perspective I wrote about is the one that interested me most and inspired me to actually put something together. If it stirs emotions then so be it! That's the purpose of the art of writing isn't it??



Heliopolis



posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 06:46 AM
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originally posted by: heliopolis
a reply to: jacygirl

If it stirs emotions then so be it! That's the purpose of the art of writing isn't it??

Heliopolis



Spoken like a true writer!
(maybe I'm just not confident that I can write something dark, lol)

jacy



posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 06:47 AM
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originally posted by: jacygirl
(maybe I'm just not confident that I can write something dark, lol)


Use black ink.



posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 06:50 AM
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originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: jacygirl
(maybe I'm just not confident that I can write something dark, lol)


Use black ink.


I thought you would have suggested red, lol.




posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 06:51 AM
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a reply to: jacygirl

Not dark enough.



posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 07:01 AM
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originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: jacygirl

Not dark enough.



If I wrote a dark & twisty story in pink, would it still be dark & twisty?

heliopolis...don't mind us. (besides, it *bumps* your thread up on the 'recent' page, lol)



posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 07:04 AM
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a reply to: jacygirl

Is that a riddle? Like what is the sound of one hand slapping?



posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 07:05 AM
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a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Yes.




posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 10:09 AM
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I liked the sense of release around his situation. Really well done.



posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 10:36 AM
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a reply to: SprocketUK

Thanks for the positive comment Sprocket, its appreciated




posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 12:02 PM
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a reply to: heliopolis

Very well written! You're great at painting a picture with words.



posted on Mar, 9 2017 @ 06:06 PM
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a reply to: heliopolis

Every long journey begins with a first step!

A nice urban setting. Modern life, the wonders of engineering, the conveniences of this so called modern life, and in the end we all are just having this human experience.

At least there was a ticker tape parade! Nice touch!





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