a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF
“Oh, yeah. That. You were released from the Wheel of Rebirth because your credit card ran out! You can pay more and we can wipe your memory and send
you back in…” said the cool as a button voice.
“Wait! You mean this is a simulation?!!!” I demanded.
“Yeah, dude! We’re those crazy, naked monkey men a trip?! Oh, hold on dude… let me take that off… here you go” said the voice.
I look down and see something that is not human! Strange skin, lying on a blue bed shaped like a tube, and there are rows and rows of similar beds.
Long fingers, strange clothes, kind of shaped like a giant bug!
Standing right in front of me is none other than The Dude himself! Bathrobe, beard, black eye and all!
Obviously having seeing the state of confusion before the Dude starts to explain while pushing some screen buttons located where my head had lain
before I sat up: “We came across this planet a decade ago. There were normal playback devices but we had to learn their language to really
understand their technology.” He hands me a kind of familiar drink that is not a White Russian and continues. “Each team member took turns at
various times in their history trying out different figures of merit. But the real fun was when we chose ‘Full Block’ and could only experience
their lives as if we were them! Everybody started to talk like them! A dead language being spoke by university scientists totally screwing with the
general population… what a time!” *sip sip*
I, standing, a bit wobbly, finished with my energy drink, asked, “Uh, how long was I in there?”
“What?,” said The Dude finishing typing in some notes. “Let me check…,” flipping back a screen or two, “You paid for the 5 day package.”
I managed to excitedly say, “THAT was five days!!”
The Dude began to lead me by the arm down the aisles of others still in the simulation. “Yeah, there is some accelerated time experience thing that
happens… You know those stories of The Ancients you heard while growing up?,” said the Dude with a grin. “They are real! And those naked monkey
men were what they were before they ascended! How crazy is that?! This crazy language, sex, politics, religious beliefs, nuclear war, money! Dude is
that a crazy concept or what?! And if those crazy, naked monkey men can make it that gives us all hope!”
We come to area with doors to individual rooms. Out steps a person wearing a gown like mine, following a robotic helper down another row obviously
ready to go into the simulation.
“Hey! How come you look like the Dude!,” I exclaim after the notion hits that the new person looks a lot like I do.
“Oh, that…,” says the Dude. He reaches for his arm, then kind of flickers out to reveal another being just like myself and the new person.
Another flicker and the Dude returns, “Holographic imaging! You should see what Larry does to the Trekkies when they “die.” Dude, imagining
“dying” and being greeted by a Borg! That is one evil bastard! But everybody loves the joke at the end.”
We come to a door. I then realize that my stuff lies on the other side. “This is the end of the ride then,” I ruefully ask.
“Yeah Dude, that is how it works,” said the Dude looking at his slippers.
Trying to extend the moment of finality I asked an open ended question, “So what are you going to do?”
The Dude looks up at me, smiles, and said what I knew he was going to say, “The Dude abides!”
The door opened. I stepped through and ended my time in the simulation.
- end –
The Dude (from Dudeism.com