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I'm Already There (YJA2017)

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posted on Mar, 1 2017 @ 11:51 PM
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My daughter came into my room to ask me to cuddle with her tonight.

Ugh."Cara, c'mon. You're supposed to be asleep already."

She's already come in twice since I'd tucked her in. Once for water and once asking a silly question I've already forgotten. I was tired, warm in my bed and watching random crap on TV.

She looks at her hands and says in a very low, sleepy voice, "I....I just want someone to cuddle with me."

Seriously, why am I saying no to this?

"OK baby, give me a few minutes and I'll be up there."

She quietly leaves the room. I wait untill commercial and walk upstairs to where she's turned the TV on. My one year old now sat awake in her bed, gibbering away to no one in particular. Biting my tongue, I turn the TV off and climb into her bed. We wrap our arms around eachother, figit around for a few minutes, trying to get comfortable, until she turns around and grips my arm tightly around her chest.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you too," she replies in her cute little pouty voice.

I smile in the dark and silently wait for her breathing to become heavy.

Man. When was the last time I did this? It's been awhile.

The babies bed squeeks and I turn to look at her, Cara gripping my hand as I do so I don't get too far. In the dark, I can barely make her out but she was propped up sitting with her back to me. I smile and watch her head look around and then she lays back down.

Silence for a minute and then I hear the little one saying, "Mama? Mama? Night night? Night night. Night night. Night night."

Suddenly I'm overwhelmed with all kinds of emotion. Sadness, mostly, because of how big the five year old in my arms was. I remember how I used to lay with her every night just to make sure she fell asleep. How selfish of me to think that I'd ever be too exhausted to come cuddle with my baby? I used to sing her to sleep most nights, something I find myself rarely doing with my youngest now.

I want to cry now. Being a mother is HARD . It really is. It's stressful. Frustrating, on so many levels. But who am I to forget about what makes me a mother? These two beautiful girls snoring in the dark are my everything. My life.

These two girls ARE my afterlife. They are two halves of ME. Who I am now will live on through them. Looking at them, I know the "afterlife" is a beautiful place.

I see it in their hair when the sun glints off the tiny strands. On their face when they've been running around and their little cheeks glow red.

I hear it in their melodic voices when they talk, sing, even cry.

More than anything, I feel how beautiful it will be when I hold them in my arms or when their silliness makes me laugh.

I don't know how we have become so selfish. As adults, we seem to forget about what surrounds us. What makes this life so precious.

I'm not afraid of the darkness that lies waiting behind my final breath. I'm not sitting here wondering where I'll go or if I deserve to go anywhere at all.

I have already experienced it here, where I am, listening to the soft snores of my children and I know I'm already where I'll always be.




posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 12:06 AM
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*slow clap*
Simply marvelous...
An excellent reminder, thanks



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 12:09 AM
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a reply to: LucidWarrior

Thank you so much!



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 12:22 AM
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a reply to: PageLC14

I said thank you first! Grrr


Lol haha. But really that was a very humbling read.



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 12:43 AM
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a reply to: LucidWarrior

Aye don't growl at me, my bad. How about, glad you enjoyed it? Lol

It was a humbling moment for me, honestly. Every now and then I have to remind myself of my children and their innocence. This time it came to me exactly how I wrote it as I'd been searching for a route to take on this topic. May not be exactly writer material, maybe more of a diary entry lol, but thought I'd share anyways.

Once again, I'm glad you enjoyed it!!

PS: You are very welcome

edit on 2-3-2017 by PageLC14 because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 01:22 AM
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a reply to: PageLC14

Oh I definitely do think it is writer material! The message is clear, and I can really see the story like I'm there. Which, doesn't really happen to me much, even when I write.

Im very glad you decided to share this piece with us



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 02:06 AM
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a reply to: PageLC14

What you expressed is from your heart.

So true. Loved it.

bally



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 04:44 AM
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a reply to: PageLC14Hi PageLC14!!


Wow, that was lovely...and touching. I personally could relate to so much.
Especially this:
"These two girls ARE my afterlife. They are two halves of ME. Who I am now will live on through them."

I have identical twin daughters, and I have always told them that their different personalities are like the two halves of my own. (almost cried when I read what you wrote)

Mine are grown and living far away now, so you get as many snuggles as you can! I miss mine with every beat of my heart.
S&F
jacy



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 12:04 PM
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a reply to: LucidWarrior

Well thanks again



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 12:04 PM
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a reply to: bally001

Thank you for reading



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 12:09 PM
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a reply to: PageLC14

I enjoyed this!

Thank you for sharing.



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 12:16 PM
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a reply to: jacygirl

I couldn't even imagine my girls all grown up! Although, I look at them now and how they've grown in what seems to be such a short time and know it won't be long before they're out on their own.

Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed it



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 12:18 PM
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a reply to: JinMI

Thanks for your reply!



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 12:18 PM
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a reply to: PageLC14

Nice contribution. I enjoyed the inner monologue.



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 04:09 PM
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a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Thank you, sir.



posted on Mar, 3 2017 @ 10:55 PM
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Awwww, very sweet and loving!



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 05:50 AM
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a reply to: PageLC14

*snot flying crying*
What are you doing to me at 5:30 in the morning?!

So deeply relatable. You won't be too tired to cuddle or be there whenever they need you.
My daughters are entering adulthood and it's a beautiful and scary thing. It overwhelms me sometimes, the way that our relationships have changed and evolved.

It was beautiful writing. Trust me when I say that the times they'll want/need to cuddle may become fewer and farther in between but, they will continue to be the moment that the world stops. For you and them.



((hugs)) Truly engaging and powerful. Thank you.



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 06:14 AM
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a reply to: PageLC14

Oh, that was lovely

Thanks for posting that



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 11:56 AM
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a reply to: Night Star

Thank you, lovely.



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 12:00 PM
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a reply to: TNMockingbird

Thank you so much and you're welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Yours was the sort of reaction I was hoping to get out of some people. I wrote this literally right after it happened that same night. I'd already started a different story for the topic but then this just hit me while I was laying in my daughter's bed. Lol.




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