posted on Feb, 28 2017 @ 07:46 PM
I found myself sitting in the typical waiting room. Uncomfortable chairs, outdated magazines on the coffee table, and a pot of what I assumed was
coffee. Probably made when they were waiting for Grant to storm Richmond.
The weird part was, the last thing I remember, I was in a hospital bed in an I.C.U..
The wait was long enough for me to consider trying a cup of primeval sludge when the door opened and a person walked into the room.
"Hi, I'm Jeffery, sorry about the wait, let's go to my office". The slender man quickly turned without even waiting for a reply and walked back
from where he came.
I was a director, a man who was in charge of a considerable budget, manpower, and responsibilities. I stopped scurrying after people a long time ago.
I slowly stood, stretched a bit, then walked calmly into a hallway, spying the man as he zipped around a corner.
Ok, I hurried a little. I didn't want to lose the little bastard.
Catching up, I found him walking into a typical office. The widows were obscured by blinds, the walls hidden by bookshelves with (what it looked
like) every book on relations with employees.
"oh crap", I said under my breath, "I'm in HR."
HR. Human Relations. The bane of any corporate existence. Some explorers search for the origin of the Nile. If you were so inclined to look for
the origins of the first swamp, you'd find it in HR.
Jeffery sat behind his desk, bade me to sit and pulled a rather large binder out of a cardboard box sitting on the corner of his desk. He started
looking through the binder and made a frowny face. "I'm so sorry you're leaving us today", he said.
"Leaving who?" I asked.
"Leaving us. Humanity. Well, Humanity Inc. to be precise. Did they have you fill out any COBRA paperwork?"
I just stared.
"Haha, sorry, a little joke we at Humanity Inc. like to toss around. Let's take a look at your life, shall we?"
I finally found the nerve to speak, "Excuse me, is this some sort of joke? Where am I, what am I doing here, and how in the hell do I get out?"
Jeffery made another frowny face. "Poodles, you are dead. D-E-D, dead. You died in an I.C.U. and shuffled off that mortal coil. You're room
temperature, taking a dirt nap, knocking on Heaven's door, taking the midnight train to Georgia, you've reached the Pearly Gates, the Great Beyond,
become one with the universe. But, you haven't finished your paperwork.
This," as he lifted the binder, "Is your life. Your employee record, so to speak. I've had to read it all, well most of it, as your teen year
pages are sticking together, but I have to do my job so you can finally enjoy some retirement."
I sat beck, stunned.
"Now" as Jeffery put pen to paper, "Did you think you were adequately equipped to be human? What did you most like about being human? What did
you most dislike? And finally, would you recommend being human to anyone else?"
I sat for a minute contemplating.
Finally I said, "Yes, I think I was able to be human well enough. I had all my parts and did what humans do. What did I like the best about being
human? Being married, kids, and having my feet rubbed. What did I dislike the most? I'd have to say wars and politicians."
Jeffery mumbled under his breath, "Everyone says that".
"Would I recommend being human to anyone else?" I paused for so long that Jeffery was even starting to fidget.
"Humanity has it's faults. They probably aren't the best thing around. They have issues I could list for years. But for everything I could list
against humanity, I could find a dozen things that I approved of. I liked Humanity. I think I'm going to miss it."
Jeffery made a few notes and then closed the binder and placed it back into the box. He urged me up and walked me out of the office. "We'll miss
you too," he said as he put an arm around my shoulder, "But I think you'll like where you're getting transferred to."
We walked down another hallway and came upon a rather boring looking door.
Jeffery opened it.
And I started my new career.