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You heard of the Three Amigos, meet the Three Idiots...

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posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 03:34 PM
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originally posted by: halfoldman
So this brother begins telling this story ...

He was in Taiwan with an airline crew and he went down Snake Alley.

Snake Alley is where snakes are skinned alive, and have their living organs removed for a tonic, or an upper.

So far; so gross.

But then they took this little monkey, and they put it in a pan.

It screamed horrifically.

Then somebody came with a machete, and cut the monkey's head off.

So here you have a silent scream, and the body still flaying about in the pan.

Nobody was very hungry after that story, for some reason.





There's no F'ing way we can compete with this.




posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 03:52 PM
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originally posted by: IAMTAT

originally posted by: halfoldman
So this brother begins telling this story ...

He was in Taiwan with an airline crew and he went down Snake Alley.

Snake Alley is where snakes are skinned alive, and have their living organs removed for a tonic, or an upper.

So far; so gross.

But then they took this little monkey, and they put it in a pan.

It screamed horrifically.

Then somebody came with a machete, and cut the monkey's head off.

So here you have a silent scream, and the body still flaying about in the pan.

Nobody was very hungry after that story, for some reason.





There's no F'ing way we can compete with this.


I can't tell you how relieved I am to know that.


*curls into ball on floor*



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 03:59 PM
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Here in South Africa, they didn't just attack friends and relatives.

They tortured them so dreadfully.

Boiling water, hot irons and horrors.
Babies shot in the head.

I must take a bullet for you, but my people died screaming.

OK for now.




edit on 20-3-2017 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:07 PM
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originally posted by: halfoldman
Here in South Africa, they didn't just attack friends and relatives.

They tortured them so dreadfully.



Hey halfoldman!
I don't know if you're being serious (or story telling?).

But, my friend's husband was a military medic (Canadian) in Rwanda and came home a different man. He said he would never be able to talk about what he had seen.
If you are talking about anything 'real' as I have just mentioned...then I am horribly saddened to hear that.

If, however...this is just story-telling?
Then I'm gonna run back to fluffy Shed-ville!



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:13 PM
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a reply to: jacygirl

No, your friend's husband was correct ...

Some stories are better left unspoken.

If I'm lyin - there's many other South Africans here.
Am I lying?
No, it's the truth.
edit on 20-3-2017 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:20 PM
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Back story. . . .

Clownfart Jonny was actually born Johann Klinefaht. He was a thief who was caught early in his career by an evil Canadian witch who cursed him.

Now, every time he breaks wind, it comes out in rainbow colors.

Just a reminder, no one ever laughs at Clownfart Jonny.

Ever.



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:26 PM
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a reply to: halfoldman

I actually do have another South African friend here.
She is lovely.

My friend's husband told us enough to sicken me, and there are no words to express how horrified I am to know such details of man's inhumanity towards man.

The humour in this thread can be dark at times, but nothing is ever meant maliciously towards anyone.
Even us Canadians. (trying to interject humour now)

I hope you have a few laughs while you're here...I know that I always feel better after a good dose of comedy from these three stooges (and their entourage)!
jacy



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:27 PM
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a reply to: jacygirl

So this is where you disappeared to. Sheesh, we were eating dragon cookies and everything.



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:28 PM
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a reply to: jacygirl

Always laughs, my lovely lady!



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:30 PM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy
"We need a third guy, but it should be simple enough. Kidnap a faery, burn a magic tree and collect a pint of unicorn blood before the next full moon. Clownfart said he'd pay us in gold and get rid of that price that the Canadian witches put on our head."


Clownfart Johnny, being a nightmarish mélange of spider and clown, scrambled over the charred remains of the once idyllic forest, his chitinous claws clacking over the bones of countless elves and fairies as his rider, the repulsive warlock, DBCowboy, coaxed him onward.

Approaching the magic tree he quickly dispatched its guardian, the vile and repugnant Criss Angel, whose useless magic was no match for Clownfart and was rended asunder in a gratuitously violent display of spider-clown sadism.

DB gobbled down his quintuple order of Taco Bell extra spicy chalupas, positioned himself for the proper dispensation of vile fumes and ignited the sacred tree in a vortex of seething flames that rivaled hell in its blast furnace intensity. DB then set his mount in search of a unicorn to exsanguinate.


This is sooooo wrong.





edit on 20-3-2017 by AugustusMasonicus because: I ♥ cheese pizza.



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:34 PM
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originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: jacygirl

So this is where you disappeared to. Sheesh, we were eating dragon cookies and everything.



I had to come here...you won't let me eat horse heart in The Shed.
Besides, it's story time.



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:38 PM
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originally posted by: jacygirl

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: jacygirl

So this is where you disappeared to. Sheesh, we were eating dragon cookies and everything.



I had to come here...you won't let me eat horse heart in The Shed.
Besides, it's story time.


This is true.



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:40 PM
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a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Hey, not bad. I like the end where you say it is soooo wrong. We now need a hero to save the magical forest and the magical beings and creatures who live there. Who shall step up to the plate? Not that plate!



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:44 PM
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originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Hey, not bad. I like the end where you say it is soooo wrong. We now need a hero to save the magical forest and the magical beings and creatures who live there. Who shall step up to the plate? Not that plate!




"Hero's? We eat hero's for lunch", DB said as he walked away from the corpses of the happy little forest animals who used to sing to the fae.
DB climbed on his horse, Pox, and rode off, looking for treasure to plunder.



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:52 PM
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Won't believe me?

www.news24.com...

www.iol.co.za...

censorbugbear-reports.blogspot.co.za...

toxinews.blogspot.co.za...

www.afriforum.co.za...

Just a start ...
edit on 20-3-2017 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:55 PM
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a reply to: Night Star

I dunno.
I read about a sacred tree and unicorns...and I'm feeling violated.
Have we been plagiarized?

Little forest animals and fae?
Are they...making fun of us?????

(I will be so butt-hurt angry if they are!!!)



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 04:57 PM
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"This is soooo wrong", said Day Pixie...as she surveyed the smoldering and decaying ruins of her once lush forest paradise, from her decomposing, Ebola-infected dragon, Spatula,...circling high above the toxic, hell hole below.



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 05:03 PM
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originally posted by: IAMTAT
"This is soooo wrong", said Day Pixie...as she surveyed the smoldering and decaying ruins of her once lush forest paradise, from her decomposing, Ebola-infected dragon, Spatula,...circling high above the toxic, hell hole below.


Didn't know this was a story that took place in Akron, Ohio.



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 05:04 PM
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originally posted by: jacygirl
a reply to: Night Star

I dunno.
I read about a sacred tree and unicorns...and I'm feeling violated.
Have we been plagiarized?

Little forest animals and fae?
Are they...making fun of us?????

(I will be so butt-hurt angry if they are!!!)




The orders were simple. Cause as much butt-hurt as possible to the happy little forest creatures. While they are distracted, steal the unicorn blood and violate the sacred tree.



posted on Mar, 20 2017 @ 05:08 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT

It was at that moment the evil warlord of the 7th Circle of Hell, IAMTAT, with his unfailing aim, loosed one of his MRSA-tipped arrows which struck home and embedded itself deep in Spatula's heart. As the dragon plummeted to the ground its rider fell and impaled herself on a pine tree with a shriek that was certainly live and not Memorex. Spatula splattered to the ground, spewing infected innards over the now hysterical friends of Day Pixie.

"Will this ever end!!!!" They all cried in unison as the antibiotic-defying superbug began to takes its toll.




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