a reply to: deadlyhope
I read this thread yesterday but wanted to spend some time with my reply to you. (Not sure it will help, but definitely sent with good
If you have decided you don't like yourself...then there must be certain things about your character that aren't sitting right with you. Your
conscience? Are you being hard on yourself for past mistakes? Or are you worrying that now you're a parent...you are also a role model? (and that
alone can make anyone feel unworthy.)
Regarding the past, I always remember Maya Angelou's quote: "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better." Trust me, we
can always do better. The only requirement is that you WANT to.
When I became a mother I knew exactly what kind of mother I wanted to be. The one who gave unconditional love, showed affection and respect...let my
children be who they were as individuals, and practised what I preached. Good morals were important to me, I don't drink so my kids never saw their
mother drunk. I didn't swear in their presence...didn't do drugs...didn't encourage lying, stealing, etc. Honesty was the policy always, because
lies create a lack of trust and I would always be less upset with "whatever" if they at least were honest with me.
You should never feel inferior to others. If you only knew how insecure everyone is deep inside, you would realize that the faces scowling at you are
only reflecting their own feelings of self doubt. Other peoples' attitudes are nearly always "all about them" and nothing to do with you (unless you
have intentionally provoked someone).
It's not difficult to have integrity. It's a matter of not just 'talking the talk', but 'walking the walk'. If you say "don't steal'...then don't
steal yourself. (And don't tell your kid not to hit someone, as you're hitting them!!!)
Don't send mixed messages. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
You will experience old things in a new way, when you see them through the eyes of your child. Your intelligence will also expand, as you're now also
a teacher who will soon be explaining life to an innocent soul. Your perspective will change and you will grow as a person. If you choose to
It's ALL a choice. It comes down to you.
How prepared are you to become the person who could make you feel proud of yourself? (and like yourself)
When I finally realized that I was the only one in control of me...it became really easy to just be a good person. I treat everyone I meet like an
old friend, and I guard my tongue. No knee-jerk emotional reactions to other people's words...I pause to think and process before replying.
Unfortunately as you age, some things that once seemed so attractive can be less appealing and perhaps not feasible. Regarding jobs and
hobbies...usually being a father means that work is essential for money...and your own hobbies may be forgotten once your kids are old enough to have
costly hobbies/sports of their own.
Some men enjoy fatherhood and involve themselves in their kids' lives as much as possible. Others are jealous of the kids getting all Mom/Wife's
attention and time...or that there isn't enough money now for them to do what they like. I chose to put my kids wants/needs ahead of my own, but that
is MY nature so it would never have been any other way (and I'm fine with that).
We all have pity parties so no need to apologize. By writing this here I believe that you truly are wanting to make some changes. It's not
impossible, my friend. Even if you begin by watching the behaviour of other people that you like/admire...you can think about what it is that you
like, and try to adopt that into your own way of being.
Sorry this was longer than I intended. I would also encourage you to try a meditation...even if it's just 5-10 minutes where you close your eyes and
try to stop your mind from racing in every direction. I like to hold a crystal in my hand and focus on feeling it get warmer. That helps me to slow
down my thoughts and I always feel more calm afterwards.
Wishing you love and encouragement on your journey.