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I don't like myself. Pity party here, enter at your own risk.

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posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:09 AM
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You know, I really don't like me..and the more I learn about me, the more I realize I want to change, the more I wonder how I could change.. The more frustrated I get at myself for not having an answer.

How do you go about increasing your intelligence, along with your integrity? How do you go about heightening your senses and experiencing old things in a new way, how do you go about connecting with others when you have no idea how to connect, and always feel inferior to those around you?

How can I go against the norms of culture and be my own person, when I have no blue print or anything to follow?

I'm really irritable lately and I think it's because I'm stuck in a rut. I don't know what I want to do for a hobby, much less a career (not that the two have the be related, I just don't know either one.) My daughter is growing up, five months now and I feel like less of a father and a man than ever. I just can't figure things out. I attempt to, and I'm actually okay at doing the research for an idea - like I wanted to invest in a rental home because I live in a high tourism area, only to find out that the law states that you can only rent out a part of a house, and have to occupy the house to rent it out - which is not something I want to do.

Just one example, though. I'll get interested in many, many topics only to find out that there's deal breakers - is there some secret to getting over this? To just deal with the circumstances given you, or change them? I feel powerless against the law and ordinances of the city I wanted to do business in , for instance.

Anyways... Just looking for a place to write my thoughts. Sometimes I feel like I use ats as a journal more than a place of discussion and I hope I don't put others off in doing so.




posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:11 AM
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Do you need a hug or something?

Two self-loathing threads in less than two hours, but you'll decry the stigma around being a millennial? I know irony is a thing with millennials but damn, dude.



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:14 AM
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a reply to: Shamrock6

Yup. I really need a blog that no one can access, haha. I feel the need to vent, rant, and otherwise and ats has become that place for me for whatever reason. Sorry.



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:19 AM
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Something like this: www.sunfell.com...

If "Yes" then there is a solution. If "No" then there is psychotropics. But in all seriousness, this is the first 'face slap' that You are now a parent. Now most of Your thoughts will be directed towards the welfare of Your daughter. This is what happens when You realize it isn't about You. The opposite of this of course is the "absentee father" which will become "Sperm Donor" or worse if things don't pan out...

I will type this though, if You are 'miserable' that energy will be around You(rs) and in most cases that energy is "non-positive" at best.. Don't slide into some work that You'll hate, sure take something You loathe if the bill$ start to pile but in lieu of spending most of Your time on YouTube™ videos see about jobs You can do at home, there are a ton of them, that'll pay the bill$ AND provide You the MOST time with Your progeny. This is Your most valuable "asset" so spend it wisely...

Best of Luck in Your search...



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:20 AM
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a reply to: deadlyhope

Life is life long, be patient. You are on the right path. Always questioning, yearning. Thats true prayer.



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:21 AM
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I think you are ignoring a bigger topic that is in your heart that you are denying

What hurst you emotionally
Go find someone you can pay money to so they can search deper into your psyche, find out what you are really struggling with

That or I am wrong, but seems you are not really seeing the bigger picture, not understanding t at least



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:22 AM
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a reply to: intrptr

Yeah, I just need to be patient.



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:24 AM
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a reply to: Raggedyman

Oh, I might agree with you. I think something is deeper, something I can't find on my own at this exact moment. I'd like to be able find it, or get help, but who knows when, how, if that will happen.



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:27 AM
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Build yourself a bridge, and get over it
jk

When dealing with zoning laws, use a lawyer, they can teach you the way.

It took me 37 years to make any real money. Money will bring all kinds of new hobbies.

Can't acquire a property, be the guy who opens the best website for the area, the one who gets 500k a year from advertising and listing fees from all these owners.

Adapt to survive until something works, everything else will fall into place when it does






posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:28 AM
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originally posted by: deadlyhope
a reply to: Raggedyman

Oh, I might agree with you. I think something is deeper, something I can't find on my own at this exact moment. I'd like to be able find it, or get help, but who knows when, how, if that will happen.


You know
I suggest, strongly suggest, do it right now before it turns into a bigger monster than it is now

I was in the same boat but didn't sort it outbecause I was not smart enough to ask the question
Your choice
Get help

Oh and I read your opening post, you know what it is, you just won't put words to it, won't aknowledge it as the issue
It's there

and, everyone is going to tell you to ignore it, get over it, move on. I won't, find t, sort it out, deal with it, acknowledge it and understand it
You may never get over it, just find it and take it head on
edit on 18-2-2017 by Raggedyman because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:32 AM
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originally posted by: deadlyhope
You know, I really don't like me..and the more I learn about me, the more I realize I want to change, the more I wonder how I could change.. The more frustrated I get at myself for not having an answer.


You can only change to a small degree imo because you will always have the potential to do the things you don't like. You can grow though, and learn how to do new things to replace the bad things that you may ususally do.

Also, sometimes it's good to just do nothing. Hobbies are great but thinking time shouldn't be something to be afraid of....seems so many are these days.

Above all, have fun and remember every "Ying" has a "Yang" and vice-versa.



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:33 AM
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originally posted by: deadlyhope
a reply to: intrptr

Yeah, I just need to be patient.

But never give up that angst in the core of your being. Thats what keeps you searching. The searching is what helps you to learn all that stuff.

At some point theres a tipping point where all that knowledge and experience gells into a greater understanding of life.
So its okay to be anxious sometimes about it. And totally healthy to share that with others, thats how the answers come.

Especially from within,



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:41 AM
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Sitting around and pondering why your life sucks isn't doing anything to help it not suck.

Don't know who you are or what you want? Good. Some of the most interesting people I know have no idea what they want out of life, it's the search for it that makes it worthwhile.

Get it out of your head that life is about a destination. It's not. It's about the journey. Even when you set a goal and finally reach that goal, it still isn't over.

No one can tell you what to do, and really, why would you want someone to? The fun is in figuring it out for yourself.

My $.02. YMMV



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:48 AM
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a reply to: underwerks

Great post here, and just what the OP needs!



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:49 AM
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a reply to: deadlyhope

a reply to: deadlyhope

By doing This Thread, You are doing what You need to. The time came when You felt this as necessary, so You typed it all out. Perfect. Don't look for a manual of life, as that would just be someone else's point of view, and probably won't fit into Your life very well... Ask questions. Ask questions, Ask...
Then as 'Intrprtr' just mentioned, "At some point there's a tipping point where all that knowledge and experience gells into a greater understanding of life." (Which is a great way to put that to You...)

So relax and just let life come at You. Embrace it as it comes along.

I hope this all made sense to You. Oh BTW, Congrats with Your little one, and Family!

edit on 18-2-2017 by SyxPak because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:50 AM
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First of all, you are young with new responsibilities-twirling around your head and scaring you. STOP.

Find joy in each and every day-seriously-each day matters-enjoy that baby-go visit nature and just DO SOMETHING-no more deep thought.

Be around positive people-volunteer in different areas til you find yourself NATURALLY. Be true to yourself-you know who that is.

You make your decisions who you are-what you want-you and only you-don't think about it-do it.

LIVE. The joy is there.



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:53 AM
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Winners don't quit.

Sure people get knocked down.

The thing is getting right back up.

Get knocked down again.

Get back up.

As the saying goes.

EVERY dog has their day.



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:56 AM
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a reply to: deadlyhope

All I can say is go out and explore. Mentally, physically and spiritually. Don't be afraid to try new things, don't be afraid of failure or rejection, and don't be afraid to make mistakes. Their are valuable lessons to be learned from everything that you can carry along with you on your journey called life.

Everything ultimately starts within yourself.
edit on 18-2-2017 by knowledgehunter0986 because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:58 AM
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Try a journal for your emotions. For intelligence, read, read, read every day, everything you can find. Don't watch TV. For a moral compass, hang out with people that are roll models to you. People of high integrity.
P.S. don't watch CNN.
One more thing, take dance lessons and I bet you get that hug you need.
edit on 18-2-2017 by Nickn3 because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 18 2017 @ 11:59 AM
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Thank you everyone for your replies, I am taking it all in.




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