I know that your eyes see straight through me...

How do we achieve a balance between dispensing beneficial advice to others, and allowing others to experience and learn by themselves?

Especially when it comes to children and young adults, telling them about how to avoid preventable hardships you have undergone yourself is very tempting, self-rewarding and often praiseworthy from others. But is there such a thing as sharing too much information that might interfere with the lives they are destined to live and lessons they are set to learn along the way?

Do you have a duty or obligation to warn others of challenges and obstacles you can foresee in their lives if you see them heading down a path you have taken in the past?

Some might say it depends on your own moral compass. If you see a likely danger or misfortune ahead of somebody else and have the opportunity to forewarn them of the potential suffering they will experience, is it not your responsibility to warn them?

Others might say it depends on your relationship with the person in question. If you are the parent of the child, then it is your duty to warn them and recount your own experiences. But how close (or distant) does your relationship need to be in order to dispense advice that you are certain will be beneficial for them to hear?

Furthermore, the other crowd might suggest being conservative with your advice as not to interfere with the individual's life lessons, which are usually best learned through personal experience.

I am not (yet) a parent, but questions such as these are so unnerving that I feel ambivalent about bringing another life into this world — one whose childhood and transition into adulthood I will be directly responsible for moulding. Contrary to the wishes of many parents out there, you cannot raise a child inside a bubble and forewarn them about everything that lies ahead so as to allow them to avoid pain, misery and suffering.

However, when it comes to aiding a young mind, how best does one achieve the delicate balance where they will then develop into an informed, aware and resilient individual?

a reply to: Dark Ghost

The best way to get a teenager to do something stupid is to point out how stupid it is...some people don't want help.

a reply to: Metallicus

I knew a guy who's dad caught him smoking when he was 14. He bought him 2 more packs and made him smoke them all until he threw up.

Needless to say, he never smoked again.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

As a parent and "that friend" I get where you are coming from 100%. IMO it is all dependent upon the person and how they learn and interact with the world or situation. Example; my oldest son is a thinker. He likes to gather as much data as he can until he makes his decision. Knowing this, I aid him in his gathering excluding any advice. He doesn't take it into consideration.

Myself, I'm the type of dumbass to do things my way...generally the wrong way first. Then figure it out from there. I've yet to find one instance where my misstep has helped someone else along their journey, from my perspective anyway.

In relationships, you might as well just give it a rest. No knowledge or warnings will aid the advice seeking person. It's something that I've found that they need to figure out themselves. Unless there is some confirmation bias at play in which they will gladly accept!

Your results may vary but that is my 2 cents.

originally posted by: Metallicus
a reply to: Dark Ghost

The best way to get a teenager to do something stupid is to point out how stupid it is...some people don't want help.

Yup, teenagers can be very stubborn... Even if they know what you are saying is right they will discount it because it came from a parent/adult in general. I was no exception to this, I would describe it as feeling like a needless lecture rather than useful advice. Often I knew what is right/wrong but sometimes the wrong result is unavoidable, or seemed like a good idea at the time.etc.

At the end of the day I always listened but I definitely didn't like being told what to do or how to do it. The issue here is that this creates a thought process along the lines of "my dad doesn't want me to do this" which often in rebellious teens can result in them doing it, when instead it should be "I shouldn't do this because a,b,c etc.", the later often only realised through your own mistakes.

a reply to: LuXTeN

My dad gave me alcohol when I was 8 and I still drink.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

Too much information is hardly ever a problem unless one does not know how to employee it. If nothing else, you can keep your own counsel and simply and sagely nod to yourself as the expected happens from the young ones. Then you can go on with the parenthooding and say to yourself, "Ah, so, exactly what I was told was right, how clever of me to heed those words and be prepared for such an upsetting development as when the kid shaved the cat and put it in the dryer with a bottle of ketsup."

a reply to: Jdennis10

Alcohol is a bit different. If you're predisposed to alcoholism then it's probably a genetic trait along with the fact that people who drink too much of it, probably have parasites that are craving the sugar in alcohol. Yeast infections are high in people who over drink, both men and women.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

e.g.

I would try to refrain from using a 2nd person narrative because I wouldn't want them to think that I am making a personal attack.

I wouldn't be vexing or too demanding because it could be too strenuous and make them give up trying to do good.

And most importantly, so they know that I am trying to protect them and guide them to prosperity, so they know that I am not giving arbitrary (vexing/strict) or self-serving commands, I would always accompany my guidance with explanatory reasoning. (I would never say, "because I said so.")

a reply to: Dark Ghost

Tell them to have faith in God who is love at an early age. Model helpfulness, patience, kindness and understanding. This gives them confidence. Tell them this - You are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. 1 John 4:4.

A 7 year old boy I know, speaks as if he knows everything. He obviously does not. He is not of exceptional intelligence, just an average, cute kid. This kid is obsessed with yugioh and pokemon which are unnatural strange alien creatures with super powers. His obsession is seen as normal in society today. He really believes these strange figures are powerful. His perception of the world is infected by these characters at such an early age that I am able to see it has damaged his core being on how he sees himself. He has little confidence in himself and his own powers made available to him by God.

Have your child feel the dirt, the earth, hug a tree and be gentle to a bug. Give them a toy rifle at an early age only to be played with under your supervision and let them shoot the monsters and messed up alien creatures that are on the tv or in the movie. Not in a video game mode but as if they were real coming out of the tv. Because if these fu k ed up things made it to where they were with given air time on tv or in movies to our Nation's children, then made it on store shelves en masses, they'll be here, here and real next. You have to tell your child about the love of God and His love for human beings and expose them to the messed up creature cartoons invented to infect our children because you can't keep them in a bubble. The crap out there is no Tom and Jerry. It's straight up bad crap. They need to know how to handle them, be leaders and be cool with the other kids where most will flock to them because of their confidence in the God dwelling in them; not because of any religious fanaticism.

There is a fine line between subject and object... rote grasps where wisdom penetrates and absorbs.