Are you happy to be alive?

Heck yes. I went to all of the work to get here, why wouldn't I enjoy the fruits of my labor?

I have even learned to welcome, maybe to the point of enjoyment, personal pain and suffering. They are the greatest teachers this reality has to offer.

originally posted by: ChaoticOrder
1 out of 10 people in the U.S. are on anti-depressants. IMO people these days are so obsessed with finding their "true love" or achieving the "american dream" they just don't stop to appreciate what they have or the beauty of the world around them. The other main reason is that people are way too overworked, most people I meet who are depressed are that way because they work so much, it's the true evil of such a high level of inequality. It's why I try not to get myself caught up in the rat race, I look for ways to earn money doing what I love. Unleashing your creativity and constantly learning new things is the way to happiness. You can then use that knowledge to work on projects you enjoy, and your financial requirements are much more likely to be met, and as a result your life goals are much more likely to be met, but your material desires are much more likely to fall away when you have other things to keep your mind busy.

Little Johny

Ive often said to people I would not wish depression on my worst enemy. Someone who has never experienced true clinical depression (not oh im temporarily sad) would know that it is not caused by being overworked or some mental framework. Cognative therapy (which would tie into some of your points) has been known to work in some cases of depression, which I consider to be "situational", which I wish I had. I had a fine childhood, nothing bad has ever happened to me, and I have a lot of things which a lot of people in the world will never have in their lifetimes. So I know my "life" is better than most peoples.

When you are in a funk, getting creative or appreciating beauty is about as likely to happen as flying to Mars.

I am one in the one in ten who has been on SSRI's for years, and it has helped me, somewhat, but by no means am i cured. I know I am going to have to deal with this for my life and Ive come to terms with that.

So to answer the original question "Am I happy to be alive?" NO I am not happy to be alive. I haven't been for years. Most people are scared of death, I some days almost look forward to it.

What stops me from ending it now? My wife, my parents. Knowing that this selfish move by me would hurt them more than anything in this world is enough to keep me going. I told my sister in law who tried to off herself with a bottle of pills that if she can't live for herself, live for the many people who love her, as they would be destroyed if she succeeded in killing herself.
I told her about my story, and about how if Im stuck here so is she. I realize its a bizarre way of looking at things but she hasn't done it since; so I guess it worked.

My wife and I aren't having children because I don't want to pass this on. I just want it to end with me. My ultimate goal is to die of old age like everyone else and look at is as a great sense of achievement just getting to that stage.

a reply to: deuceawesome

Seems cruel and self inflicting making yourself suffer in pain just to appease other people.

originally posted by: brokenghost
a reply to: deuceawesome

Seems cruel and self inflicting making yourself suffer in pain just to appease other people.

May seem that way but its the ultimate in unselfishness. Hopefully good karma.

Oh hell yeah, I'm happy to be alive. When I was younger, I never thought I'd live to see 60. I am on blood thinners. I take blood pressure meds. I feel strong. I lift three times a week.

Here's the thing: People sometimes come up against a situation that crushes them, and they fold, or they brace against it. I'm not judging anyone.

So far, I've been able to brace, and more importantly, my Darlin' has been able to brace, and we've formed a truss together than is strong and fortified.

We have seen a lot. There have been terrors and joys and pain and love and grief and comfort. This is an amazing time to be alive.

I often wonder why humanity doesn't recognize that with all its various categorizations, we all have much more in common than differences.

Happy to be alive? Lived life like a race car zipping around a track, finish line coming, engine red lining, pull over to the pits or drive her till she blows?

a reply to: deuceawesome

Ive often said to people I would not wish depression on my worst enemy. Someone who has never experienced true clinical depression (not oh im temporarily sad) would know that it is not caused by being overworked or some mental framework.

First of all, you're assuming your worst enemy has never experienced depression, the fact is we all have deep issues, some of us are just better at containing it and dealing with it. Secondly, I'm clearly referencing those people who wallow in their own self pity, not people who have a truly good reason to be depressed or people who are truly suffering from a mental condition. I'm just stating reality as I see it, and the vast majority of people who complain about life sucking are people who are overworked and have been doing the same thing a long time, it's just a fact.

When you are in a funk, getting creative or appreciating beauty is about as likely to happen as flying to Mars.

I'm not going to describe my life story to you, but lets just say I have a lot less to live for than many people. I'm not going to say depression is always irrational, of course people have a right to experience every spectrum of emotions and we all work through things in our own way, but Cancerwarrior has a very legitimate point when he says "Being happy is really more of a decision to make I think more so than anything you can "get" in this world.". Instead of instantly assuming you're always going to be stuck in a rut and it's near impossible to get out, think about what that statement really means and absorb it.

What stops me from ending it now? My wife, my parents. Knowing that this selfish move by me would hurt them more than anything in this world is enough to keep me going.

This is just more self pity, "I can't even kill myself and it's the fault of everyone else, why is the world so against me?". Life is meaningless game, the only meaning is that which we assign to it. The fact something exists rather than nothing in the first place is nothing short of astonishing, and the way I see it, existing is better than not existing, so there's no point in hating every second of it. Just laugh at the absurdity of it all, what else is there to do, live the rest of your days in a "funk"?

Trust me I get it, life can be hard, we watch the people we most love grow old and die around us, while our body slowly withers away, our teeth fall out, we get diseases and suffer tremendous pain, until eventually someone else has to wipe our ass. But if you only see the darkness you will never be able to appreciate the goodness and beauty in this amazing thing we call life. It's a bitter sweet thing, but if all you focus on is the bitterness then you're not going to enjoy this game very much. TLDR: Don't take life so seriously.

originally posted by: ChaoticOrder
a reply to: deuceawesome


First of all, you're assuming your worst enemy has never experienced depression, the fact is we all have deep issues, some of us are just better at containing it and dealing with it. Secondly, I'm clearly referencing those people who wallow in their own self pity, not people who have a truly good reason to be depressed or people who are truly suffering from a mental condition. I'm just stating reality as I see it, and the vast majority of people who complain about life sucking are people who are overworked and have been doing the same thing a long time, it's just a fact.

The worst enemy bit is just a figure of speech. I agree with most of what you say here. Humans aren't designed to exist in this current 9-5 urban rat race, we are still very much wired to be hunter gatherer's; many people believe its this simple fact that is the cause of a lot of today's mental illness. Our old ways provided us with constant exercise, better diet (omega 3), and obviously more sunlight (vitamin D) from being outside. Maybe one day we will evolve to sit at a desk for ten hours, but we are not there yet.

This is just more self pity, "I can't even kill myself and it's the fault of everyone else, why is the world so against me?".

Not self pity at all. Just the way it is. There is a reason why I never discuss this, anywhere, and this is partly why. I don't believe the "world is against me" Far from it actually. This is where the cognative forms of depression are different than the chemical imbalance form that I have. If it were as simple as changing the way I interpret things I would have done it by now. Further to that, I don't view it as "I can't even kill myself"; the people around me are what stops me from thinking about it, let alone getting close to "going through with it" You have it totally backwards.My loved ones are the reason I keep living. A reason is a reason.

Life is meaningless game, the only meaning is that which we assign to it. The fact something exists rather than nothing in the first place is nothing short of astonishing, and the way I see it, existing is better than not existing, so there's no point in hating every second of it. Just laugh at the absurdity of it all, what else is there to do, live the rest of your days in a "funk"?

I don't hate every second, I just don't enjoy it the way most people do. Sleeping for 14 hours, waking up and feeling like you haven't slept at all kind of limits your levels of enjoyment of the small things in life.

Look, we all have our problems. Believe me I get that. And Im not looking for self pity, or a quick "fix" to my problems. Ive come to terms with it, I plan on living with it, and as they say in Latvia "Such is Life.."

TLDR: Don't take life so seriously.

Ill try

a reply to: droid56

I'm not suicidal; but the only reason I put one foot in front of the other is thanks to the biological will to carry on regardless.

All the excitement, the ambitions, the joie de vivre I had as a younger person...gone.

I live in the faint hope of achieving some sense of peace and fulfillment when I retire, which is just 10 years away.

It will be spent in poverty on the state pension but at least I wont have to do this #ty job anymore. With any luck, I will find somewhere secluded to live out my days and escape the modern world...which I detest beyond my ability to explain.

originally posted by: CJCrawley
a reply to: droid56



I live in the faint hope of achieving some sense of peace and fulfillment when I retire, which is just 10 years away.

It will be spent in poverty on the state pension but at least I wont have to do this #ty job anymore. With any luck, I will find somewhere secluded to live out my days and escape the modern world...which I detest beyond my ability to explain.

You have a goal to work towards; 10 years really isn't that long. Think of how far you have come. Not everyone is built for the modern day rat race, there are many of us out there who feel the same way as you.

No OP, I am not happy. Not one bit. And I'm not ashamed to say it!

But... maybe I'm on the pursuit of happiness?

originally posted by: geezlouise
No OP, I am not happy. Not one bit. And I'm not ashamed to say it!

Knock it off before I kill you.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

You make me smile.

originally posted by: geezlouise
You make me smile.

And once more life is again worth living.