posted on Feb, 4 2017 @ 06:13 AM
a reply to: droid56
I'm not sure that I will be able to articulate my thoughts properly so apologies in advance for what may be a jumbled mess of words.
In answer to your question I am happy to be alive at the moment. I find I am at my happiest when I am serving a purpose (other than normal day to day
existence) or helping someone, solving problems. I've not always felt this way, there have been dark times. Of course it ebbs and flows.
My Mother suffered with pain and lack of nearly total ambulation, she was 93 when she passed. She had often said to me that she was so tired. I took
that to mean in every way. I've not shared much of the days I spent by her bedside as she was dying with anyone and I suppose I should tell my
daughters before they read it here. There was a period that she fought terribly. It felt as if whatever she was glimpsing on the other side of the
curtain was far worse (scary?) than the life she had been living with illness and pain. I could be way off base but, in those moments it seems she
would be much happier to be alive, regardless of conditions, than to not be alive.
My daughter lived through a very dark and scary year +. She stated often that she wanted to die. She was completely and totally void of any care for
herself or anyone else for that matter. The situation seemed hopeless, at times. Her symptoms have seemed to go into a 'remission' and she is even
working two days a week. She seems to be happy at the moment to be alive and almost given a second chance. I am trying to show her the beauty of the
world (to counter the negative-ugly parts) and our purpose to be good humans (or try the best we can) and the joy of this life and the simple gifts
here. The sun on our faces, the crisp winter air, the blood pulsing through our bodies after a good hike in the mountains. I suppose I am trying to re
wire her thinking...
Sometimes perhaps all that we have is what we bring to those that we love. So, in essence we are living for those we love. I am personally okay with
that. I enjoy seeing them happy and being a part of that. So, in turn it causes me happiness to be alive in fulfilling my purpose for being here.
My Mother was in her late 40s when she adopted me and I think (looking back) that act could have been an answer to depression or menopause, perhaps. I
think 'saving' me (a young pitiful child) made her happy and gave her a new purpose (?) and renewed her happiness to be alive at that time.
I rambled a bit and got off track up there but, I hope some of it made sense.
I hope good and positive things come your way!