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originally posted by: deadlyhope
So, I feel like I lack some form of intelligence in general, and it's hard to figure out. Realize that nothing below is any sort of tooting-my-own-horn but rather building up to why I feel I lack some cognitive ability others seem to inherently have.
I've always scored higher on tests than other people - Even college placement exams, I'm in the mid-higher, or in the top tier in all subjects including math, science, reading comprehension, etc.
I enjoy a large amount of topics, and comprehend the basics of a lot as well. My doctors/dentist often express they are impressed with how much terminology and general knowledge I have of either their occupation, my cardiologist told me there's no way I should continue being a cashier as I gave them the impression that I was more intelligent than many of their colleagues, and my dentist said I'm more familiar with the terminology used in his office than his assistants.
I always quickly become one of the best workers anywhere I work, even people that have worked their for years can't keep up with the rate at which I learn and master the tasks given to me, this has often put me on the fast track to promotions, raises, and some negative things like being the "favorite" of upper-management.
High-school had no challenges for me at all. I got mostly A's without even thinking about it. I slept through many classes, did homework on the same day, and just overall didn't apply myself, but yet none of that showed. Teachers still liked me, grades were great ( high honors roll ), things like that.
Now, the part that makes me feel like I'm really not intelligent. More of a master of mediocrity.
I failed college because I could not grasp how to write a report/essay. I tried a few times, and got terrible grades on those - None of it made sense to me. The flow of it, the reason behind it, the concept, how to put it together, how to present it to another person and have them get something out of it. I believe this can be confirmed by going through my posts - Try finding something of substance that infers that I'm actually capable of following current events, try finding a good list of sources given, proof, an amount of intelligence... No, most of my most popular posts are simply partisan banter.
High school was simple because I took simple classes. No advanced placement or college courses, just the basics for everything, and only what I thought I would be interested in. It was simple memorization and regurgitation, it took no further thought, no comprehension and exploration, no amount of growth. Just the mediocre task of remembering what I "learned" a few days before.
I've worked at two different walmarts, a pizza place, and a hotel. All entry level jobs. While I was definitely above/beyond all of my coworkers ( Walmart literally had efficiency standards that were expected/recorded - I was on top ) I don't feel this any great task. To put items on a shelf faster and more accurately than the next person does not require very many skills, nor advanced skills. Management wanted to promote me because I was on top in this area, but I never felt I had the ability to be anything higher. Effective leadership, responsibility, creativity... I never felt I had those attributes.
No trade skill makes sense to me - Mechanics, plumbing, electrical - I can grasp the basics and turn a wrench, help put two pipes together, or wire an outlet but looking at a electrical box, I just get lost no matter how much it's explained to me. Attempting to fix even minor things with my vehicles or house issues also seems to be beyond my ability.
Now, you may think that my major issue has to do with a "can" or "cant" frame of mind, or that confidence is the key thing I'm missing rather than an inherent ability to grasp deeper concepts or to do more advanced work in an area, but I would disagree. For instance, I feel quite competent with computers and technology in general, and enjoy computer programming - But get extremely stuck when it comes to higher-level programming. There's been programming tasks that I've tried to tackle and I simply cannot comprehend it - How to figure out how many paths you can take in an array of squares stacked on each other, or the like.
Same goes with other things - I really enjoyed checkers for instance, so I tried to learn chess. I realize how all of the pieces can move, but to make them work together, plan ahead, and assume what the other player might be able to do themselves... Hours of trying to interpret a screen ( digital chess ) and I get nothing. I can't comprehend how others can strategically figure out what they can do next, and what their opponent can do next.
Anyways, what do you think? Learning issue? Personality issue? Non-issue?
Thanks for your time.