posted on Jan, 28 2017 @ 10:24 AM
Damn... he does look like you.
What a freaking mess. I'm sorry to hear about this. I get irritated when I hear feminists shriek about men always abandoning their children, when
there is so often cases where they've been manipulated by the mother.
You just really need to analyze your feelings about being a father- perhaps see a therapist to help you work out your thoughts?
Ideally, it would be good to visit in person with the mom and better gauge her feelings.... and let her look you in the eyes and feel whether she can
My son got into a mess in which he met an older woman on the web, he fell hard for her, they very quickly decided to marry, then she said "I can't get
pregnant, the doctor said. Since we're going to be married, we can stop using birth control."
She got pregnant almost instantly, and the day she found out, she calmly came home, told him he could leave now (he'd just moved in with her) and she
was going back to her girlfriend. She'd been in a lesbian relationship but wanted a kid. She got one.
Since then, it has been a heartbreaking ordeal for him and us. The child is 6 years old now, and the mom has been totally unreasonable about him being
able to see her.
From the beginning, he made the decision to claim paternity (in France, a man has to make a legal claim of paternity within three days of birth, even
if the couple is married). He was afraid she would be difficult about it, and we were sure she wouldn't.
Now, I hate to say it, but it might have been better for all involved if he had not claimed paternity and just walked away.
His own father refused to see him when he was a child, and they got to know each other once he became an adult. My son actually thanked his genetic
father for not interfering with his childhood! He grew up with a stepfather who loves him and he know feels it would have been too complicated if his
real father had been in the picture.
Only you can decide what to do. But I know that in the US there is a lot of pressure for men to accept paternal rights, as a duty. But that it is
mainly financial duty that is considered. That is what brings about most of the conflicts. I hate that the question of relationship gets boiled down
to dollars, as if a father is nothing but a bank for his children.
It really would be best if you could discuss this with her in person. If nothing else, keeping contact with the mother, so that she sends photos,
updates, and keeps lines open in case the child wants or needs to meet you, would be good idea.
Both of you need to think of the child first. He might be young yet, but I promise you, it gets more complicated as they get older and they start