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'Mourning is Indeed a Brutal Form of Emptiness'; Words for Those in Deep Grief

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posted on Jan, 19 2017 @ 02:33 PM
As part of the human condition (with the exception of a few conditions which don't allow people to feel true emotions or connection to others), we all must experience losing people we love. What's left behind often feels like a big hole inside of you.

I feel it right now.. for the first few months it was mostly just that "lump in your throat", coupled with somewhat of a tension headache and the ceaseless feeling of needing to cry, without having the opportunity for such a release much of the time.

It was only today that I realized my grief seems to have moved to a different part of my body.. the physiological change is distinct and noticeable. It is that "big air bubble", that feeling of emptiness in my chest. A hole in my heart, so to speak.

But I found some words on grief that really struck me, and wanted to share. I put in bold the primary message that spoke to me, but the whole piece is quite strikingly beautiful.

"When we mourn . . . we are in state of free-fall, our heart reaching out toward what we have seemingly lost but cannot help loving anyway . . . Mourning is indeed a brutal form of emptiness. But in this emptiness, if we can remain open, we discover that a mysterious ‘something’ does indeed reach back to comfort us; the tendrils of our grief trailing out into the unknown become intertwined in a greater love that holds all things together. To mourn is to touch directly the substance of divine compassion. And just as ice must melt before it can flow, we, too, must become liquid before we can flow into the larger mind. Tears have been a classic way of doing this.”

Source: Cynthia Bourgeault, The Wisdom Jesus, p. 43

What I'm realizing now more than ever is that this "storm" of grief and mourning, it's like a hurricane at sea. And what I want to do is get to shore, where it's safe and I don't have to deal with the crashing of the waves, or the unending pain and rawness of the storm. But what's important is that I do feel it fully, I allow myself to process this naturally and without finding ways to block it out, as I feel naturally inclined to do.

When one experiences the loss of someone so important to them, the grief will be a lifelong journey, and it changes that person forever.
But I can see the light shining through, as Leonard Cohen put it, "There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in."

I hope others can find some peace in these words as I have. A lot of you have been really supportive since the tragic loss of my brother.. and I can't put into words how much it has meant to me. I hope I can also be a beacon of light and a true friend and supporter for others in their times of need, as many of you have been for me. Much love ATS friends. Here's to 2017 and hopefully better times ahead of us all.

edit on 19-1-2017 by FamCore because: spacing + typo

posted on Jan, 19 2017 @ 02:37 PM
a reply to: FamCore

Some also say that time does not heal all wounds.
edit on 19-1-2017 by InTheLight because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 19 2017 @ 02:37 PM
I hope you can find closure and peace man. Loss of a loved one is an unbearable hardship.

posted on Jan, 19 2017 @ 02:58 PM
What an amazing thread. FamCore, your words show what a strong and compassionate human being you are. They are truly powerful, and I do believe you will use this power for good.

All the best to you friend.

posted on Jan, 19 2017 @ 03:10 PM
a reply to: FamCore

He has not really 'gone', he's 'gone on ahead'.

You'll see him again one day.

I know it.

posted on Jan, 19 2017 @ 03:31 PM

edit on 1484861897138January381383117 by UniFinity because: so many vids i dunno which to pick

posted on Jan, 19 2017 @ 03:58 PM
a reply to: FamCore

I don't know you, but Im very sorry for your loss and I wish you the best on your journey through your grief. It appears as though you're handling it very graciously and with the right attitude.

Thank you for sharing the beautiful quote and very wise words. It has indeed helped this person during a hard time.

posted on Jan, 19 2017 @ 11:24 PM
There is no right nor wrong way to grieve.....we all grieve differently and in our own way, and in our own time....If you want to cry.....then cry......if you want to shout out loud.....then do it!...As there is no right nor wrong way to grieve.

posted on Jan, 20 2017 @ 01:52 AM
a reply to: Meldionne1

Along these lines.

Last year was bad. Bad, for me. Last 6 years, come to think of it. But last year especially so.

edit on 1/20/2017 by Phage because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 20 2017 @ 02:33 AM
You will find with time that you become a stronger person . Things that may have bothered you in the past become insignificant because they pale in comparison to the loss you have experienced. And as all the posters here are doing, you will try to console and help others as others did with you. You don't know it now but you will be a better person once it is all behind you.

posted on Jan, 20 2017 @ 04:50 AM
a reply to: FamCore

It's very thoughtful of you to try to pass those comforts along to others who may be in need as you are. There is something about commiserating with others experiencing the same thing or have experienced the same thing that can be so strengthening and helpful more so than I could ever describe adequately.

In reading others words of love, devotion and mourning I find strength still after all of these years. In August of 2014 my mother passed on after a brief and sudden illness, then in November my birth mother who I had a relationship with passed and my SIL of more than 20 years passed that January. All three almost back to back

Those three women who were such a huge part of my daily life, were suddenly gone. One must learn to live without them. It can be more than difficult to figure out where you are now, without the one's you've lost. The darkness that wants to follow one around or hang over one can be hard to fight away. I have my daughters and that helps because I simply must be strong for them. I can't allow my grief to take me over and become consumed by this eternal sadness that could easily beat me. I don't think I'm strong enough to conquer it were it not for my children keeping me grounded and moving.

I just wanted you to know how important your words are. I wanted you to know how much you may have helped others in sharing your thoughts, grief and deepest feelings. Expressing my deepest feelings/emotions with others (except my children and those extremely close to me of which there are few) is challenging for me. I am thankful for 'anonymous' places that one can vent and get their feelings out, otherwise they may fester and grow and become an ugly dark thing that wouldn't be healthy...would it?

Thanks again!

I hope your healing journey continues.
edit on 20-1-2017 by TNMockingbird because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 20 2017 @ 05:28 AM
a reply to: FamCore

In the last few years I have lost a few who have been very close to me.

Every death has left me with a different pain and emptiness .... Like all

who have suffered I have searched for the why. Then I came across ....

*Pain is the price we pay for love*


*It is better to have loved and lost than to have never experienced

that love at all

I took some comfort from the pain as I could not contemplate never

having had that *love*

Hope that helps ......It helped me.

posted on Jan, 20 2017 @ 05:33 AM
Amazing. Sorry for your loss.

My only sibling (younger bro) passed away Dec 28. I got the call at 6:30am and was on a direct to Logan at 6pm.

He lived in MA USA and I live in Hong Kong.

I had a limited amount of time to deal with his affairs, no other family or transportation besides a HS friend that lived in RI. Huge help, Thanks Chuck.

I had him cremated and brought him back Jan 8, since he lived in a place he didn't really like.

Things went smoothly, oddly so, his last ex girlfriend was the night auditor at the motel I stayed at. GTFO! Neither of them knew they were 3 blocks away for years. Nor I knew who she was.

I now am calling our dad's side of the family's cemetery, tonite, long story, in VT, to buy a plot and will lay him to rest with our dad and uncles etc.

I will mourn when all is said and done. Our faith is behind us for now. He is in a better place without pain.

Been running on empty last 4 weeks. When I get back and put him to rest, maybe in the fall, I can let loose.

He's facepalming now I bet, watching me write this. Too bad bro!

I'll get ya home, eventually. Lol! But you always pull this #, blindsided me again!

Mourning a loss is a celebration of a life and the grace of God, knowing something better awaits your loved one.

Mileage might vary.

posted on May, 22 2017 @ 08:23 PM
a reply to: FamCore

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts from your heart here with us at ATS. Grieving can be such a difficult emotion to deal with as we were never taught how to grieve or to be aware that it would be different for each of us.
In the past three years I have lost my wife then her parents as well. This reminds me of how fragile we really are and that any of us could be gone any day. That's why I make a point to tell friends and family that I love them as I may not see them again.
Hugs to you my friend. PM me if you like. I'm here to share my thoughts and a few tears with you when needed.

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