As part of the human condition (with the exception of a few conditions which don't allow people to feel true emotions or connection to others), we
all must experience losing people we love. What's left behind often feels like a big hole inside of you.
I feel it right now.. for the first few months it was mostly just that "lump in your throat", coupled with somewhat of a tension headache and the
ceaseless feeling of needing to cry, without having the opportunity for such a release much of the time.
It was only today that I realized my grief seems to have moved to a different part of my body.. the physiological change is distinct and noticeable.
It is that "big air bubble", that feeling of emptiness in my chest. A hole in my heart, so to speak.
But I found some words on grief that really struck me, and wanted to share. I put in bold the primary message that spoke to me, but the whole piece
is quite strikingly beautiful.
"When we mourn . . . we are in state of free-fall, our heart reaching out toward what we have seemingly lost but cannot help loving anyway . . .
Mourning is indeed a brutal form of emptiness. But in this emptiness, if we can remain open, we discover that a mysterious ‘something’ does
indeed reach back to comfort us; the tendrils of our grief trailing out into the unknown become intertwined in a greater love that holds all things
together. To mourn is to touch directly the substance of divine compassion. And just as ice must melt before it can flow, we, too, must become
liquid before we can flow into the larger mind. Tears have been a classic way of doing this.”
Source: Cynthia Bourgeault, The Wisdom Jesus, p. 43
What I'm realizing now more than ever is that this "storm" of grief and mourning, it's like a hurricane at sea. And what I want to do is get to shore,
where it's safe and I don't have to deal with the crashing of the waves, or the unending pain and rawness of the storm. But what's important is that
I do feel it fully, I allow myself to process this naturally and without finding ways to block it out, as I feel naturally inclined to do.
When one experiences the loss of someone so important to them, the grief will be a lifelong journey, and it changes that person forever.
But I can see the light shining through, as Leonard Cohen put it, "There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in."
I hope others can find some peace in these words as I have. A lot of you have been really supportive since the tragic loss of my brother.. and I
can't put into words how much it has meant to me. I hope I can also be a beacon of light and a true friend and supporter for others in their times of
need, as many of you have been for me. Much love ATS friends. Here's to 2017 and hopefully better times ahead of us all.
edit on 19-1-2017 by FamCore because: spacing + typo