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Read this, you?ll cry laughing. I?m still laughing

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posted on Jan, 29 2005 @ 01:10 AM
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Thisi s an e-mail I got funniest one ever.

>I sure wouldn't want this to happen to me. Yes it is very funny.
>
>laughing out loud when you read this.....just so you know
>this has had me laughing so hard I am crying,.. thank heaven it didnt happen to
>me
>
>True story.
>
>All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless removal -
>the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the EpilStop, and
>now .. ..The Wax.
>
>My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from work,
>fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while. I then had the thought
>that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours: maybe I
>should use that wax in my medicine cabinet. I set up my boy with a video
>and
>head to the site of my demise, um, I mean bathroom. It was one of those
>cold
>wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in
>your hand, peel them apart, press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore
>the frantically rising crescendo of string instruments in the background.
>No
>muss, no fuss. How hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls
>but I'm mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this works. You
>d think.
>
>So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other,
>stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and soften the
>wax
>(I'm guessing). I go one better: I pull out the hair dryer! And heat the
>SOB
>to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my ass. (Oh, how that phrase will come
>back to haunt me.)
>
>I lay the strip across my thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so
>it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad. I can do this!
>Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body
>hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!
>
>With my next wax strip, I move north.
>
>After checking on the boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming one
>with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom for The
>Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and place one foot
>on
>the toilet. Using the same procedure, I then apply the wax strip across the
>right side on my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and
>stretching up into the inside of the right ass cheek. (Yeah, it was a long
>strip.)
>
>I inhale deeply. I brace myself.
>
>RRRIIIIPPP!!!!
>
>I'm blind! Blind from the pain! . Vision returning. Oh crap. I've managed
>to
>pull off half an inch of the strip. Another deep breath. And RIIIP!
>Everything is swirly and tie-dyed? Do I hear crashing drums?
>
>OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered
>pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in the glory that is my
>triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like an Olympic gold
>medallist.
>
>
>But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone?
>
>Where Could the wax go, if not on the strip?
>
>Slowly, I eased my head down, my foot still perched on the toilet.
>
>I see hair - the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am
>touching wax. I look to the ceiling and silently shout "nooooooo!!"
>
>And realize I have just begun living my own personal version of "The Tar
>Baby."
>
>I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that is
>now Covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big mistake - up
>until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the toilet.
>
>I know I need to move, to do something. So I put my foot down on the floor.
>And then I hear the slamming of the cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut. Ass?
>Sealed shut.
>
>A little voice in my head says "I hope you don't have to # anytime soon.
>Your head just might pop off." I penguin walk around the bathroom trying
>desperately to figure out what I should do next.
>
>Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and
>get in - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right? Wrong.
>
>I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture
>prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit.
>
>Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is having
>them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In scalding hot
>water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax.
>
>So now I'm stuck to the tub.
>
>I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school So
>surely
>she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's ever good
>to start a conversation with "So my ass and vagina are stuck to the tub."
>
>She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress laughter.
>
>She wants to know exactly where the wax is on the ass. "Are we talking
>cheek
>or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the giggles now.
>
>I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call The
>number
>on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where the wax
>actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at XX Wax Co.
>and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut we'd just put them
>on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know. You're going to
>end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them the truth.
>
>"While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the wa
>x
>off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies than
>covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and THEN
>dry
>shaving the sticky wax off!
>
>In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to Other
>subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the lotion
>provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start screaming
>It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations from C and we
>hang
>up.
>
>I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the Hair
>is
>still there. So I shaved the damned stuff off. Hell, I was numb by that
>point anyway. And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet.
>Never know when a moustache might start to come in.
>
>Tonight, I attempt hair dying.




posted on Jan, 29 2005 @ 08:20 AM
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All I can say is how fabulously lucky to find oneself glued to a bathtub and be within reach of a phone......



posted on Jan, 29 2005 @ 04:05 PM
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Phew~~ I actually had a moment of fear reading there in the middle that the poor woman had ripped of her labia with the strip.



posted on Feb, 1 2005 @ 02:21 PM
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lmao this is super funny



posted on Feb, 1 2005 @ 04:34 PM
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this was just priceless...



posted on Feb, 2 2005 @ 03:34 AM
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That story made me cringe and I don't even have the relevant parts



posted on Feb, 2 2005 @ 10:24 AM
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yeah i agree....i was like holding on to my jewels the whole time...thinking wow....what a woman!!! you gotta wonder though.....how do you explain that to the fire department....lol....umm...your not gonna believe this but i was abducted by ailens....waxed....then cemented to my tub...lol...that was a great story.....thanks for the laughter!!!
HoundDog



posted on Feb, 2 2005 @ 04:21 PM
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Originally posted by Relentless
All I can say is how fabulously lucky to find oneself glued to a bathtub and be within reach of a phone......


why doesnt it surprise me that you would think of that
nah I thought of it too

that was hillarious, made me cring at parts tho

thats why you NEVER wax, NEVA! EVA! EVA!



posted on Feb, 3 2005 @ 12:28 AM
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I thought the same thing! I was mentally picturing it in my mind, and I coul d see a lady walking very slow with her legs tight together, and taking baby steps. lol. I laughed for such a long time when read that.



posted on Feb, 4 2005 @ 02:04 PM
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wait a minute...

how the hell would she be in a bathtub, GLUED to the bottum, and able to reach a phone AND the box?

DEFINITLY not a true story, its freaking impossible, and anyway that hot of a bath would surly get the wax to loosen up somewhat

Ive heard many funnier ones, i guess it was ok tho (ignore the hillarious part in my last post, i noticed after that I was laughing at everything...and I was out of it then..)



posted on Feb, 4 2005 @ 05:58 PM
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wow some how, i didn't laugh at all while reading that..... it was way, way, way to fake..... and a video would have been better but anyways..... yeah... i didn't think it was funny




Bengy



posted on Feb, 4 2005 @ 11:49 PM
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Hi. Well, I pictured her walking like a penguin to get the phone. You know when it is a do or die situation we women can do anything now! You know that!
Oh, I am laughing at your dancing banana, it is very funny.



posted on Feb, 4 2005 @ 11:51 PM
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Originally posted by wecomeinpeace
Phew~~ I actually had a moment of fear reading there in the middle that the poor woman had ripped of her labia with the strip.



Hey! What do I call you? daddy? Big brother, Unce, I hae no idea what to call you but thank you for adopting me, I have no parents in the real world so this is such an ..sob sob..emotional thing for me...wipes eyes.Thank You wecomeinpeace.



posted on Feb, 5 2005 @ 03:12 AM
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No worries.
Unc, daddy, big bro, Big Fro' Bro', all are fine. You should probably u2u me to discuss that, though, since it's unassociated with your original post. You just effectively hijacked your own thread.



posted on Feb, 5 2005 @ 05:10 PM
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WTF? You guys should talk about the thread.... not talk to each other about how ur day was....... seriously... send u2u's if you need to talk to each other so bad.....



posted on Feb, 5 2005 @ 05:53 PM
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im glad i dont have to worry about these kinda things.



posted on Feb, 6 2005 @ 01:54 AM
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Originally posted by wecomeinpeace
No worries.
Unc, daddy, big bro, Big Fro' Bro', all are fine. You should probably u2u me to discuss that, though, since it's unassociated with your original post. You just effectively hijacked your own thread.



Am I in trouble..I don't understand what I did? How did I hijack it?



posted on Feb, 6 2005 @ 02:30 AM
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Originally posted by realorritt
Am I in trouble..I don't understand what I did? How did I hijack it?


Now you've done it


Expect a visit from the Men-in-Black, a couple of Grey Aliens and a dancing banana within a few days.



posted on Feb, 6 2005 @ 03:04 AM
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that would be pretty funny if the government kept track of everything you said online and if you said something "threating to the usa" they would come "visit" you. Well thank god this is a free country!
*next day*




posted on Feb, 6 2005 @ 03:10 AM
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Originally posted by Bengy
that would be pretty funny if the government kept track of everything you said online and if you said something "threating to the usa" they would come "visit" you.


Echelon and Carnivore


Pisky wanders off just as the black helicopters full of spooks lands in his garden



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