It is not enough that we have holidays with lots of food and cheer, drunken endeavors everywhere, when that clock strikes 12 on the 31st it will be
the proverbial New Year. Hip Hip Hooray and la di da, I say.
Resolutions galore will now ensue, lose weight, quit drinking, stop smoking, to name a few! Why does it matter, why do you wait, all it is is another
date. Do you really need a New Year to make changes in your behaviors, the one's you know are bad for you anyway, do you really need a special
How long do these new changes last when they simply remain as part of your past, to be undone at the drop of a hat, from stress and all that? There
is no reason to wait if you really want to change something, change it, today, be resolute, NOW, not tomorrow.
You have personality traits that you don't like? Change them. Are you too greedy, vain, jealous or insane? The only way to change is to recognize
and to decide that a change is necessary, you do not need New Years Day to make a change, just pretend everyday is New Years, everyday is the same,
don't try to rationalize and pretend that this is a magical day where everything starts new again, it doesn't, the only thing that changes is that
number at the end, now it will be a fake year 2017.
By the time the calendar hits Valentines day all your silly little resolutions will be at bay, swimming with the sharks being eaten alive, only for
you to feel worse about more failure. Unless, you accept your inability to change, you will never change what you have the ability to change.
Blah, blah, blah, deaf ears and tell it the hand, so obnoxious of me to point out the obvious, condescending I am, told to fly a kite and take my
attitude and shove it where the Sun don't shine. I get it, nobody wants to have their feeble minds challenged with reality and constructive
There simply are things about yourself that you do not want to change and the ones that you do want to, they require dedication and perseverance.
If you want to really change something or stop doing something you have to approach it like the 5 stages of grief. Are you familiar with that
concept? I will list them here for you to see and read in the order they work. When you lose a loved one or someone close to you there are steps you
have to go through, most of the time, there are those that can immediately accept the loss but that is rare.
Sometimes it comes down to the way the loss occurred and whether or not you had time to process it before it transpired. Sudden and unexplained
losses are the hardest to get over. Much like your behavior that you have decided to overcome, whatever it may be, sometimes it has taken place over
a period of weeks and sometimes it is something that is sudden.
The longer you have been doing something a certain way the harder it is to change, regardless of the timing. Sure there are those few that can stop
something cold turkey and I am sure you will let us all know about it, but it only takes one moment of weakness for it to all be undone.
The five stages are as follows:
They are all a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost (trying to change).
They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling, but they are not stops on some linear time line in grief (change).
This is only an example of change taking place in the form of grief, but there are other ways to approach this desire. When I was in therapy many
years ago, my therapist made me a list, it goes like this:
First, you have to recognize there is a problem.
Second, you have to want to change it.
Third, you will know after you did it and see it.
Fourth, you will see it as it is happening and stop it.
Fifth, you will see it before it happens and won't do it.
When you reach the fifth stage of a change it will become a fore thought instead of an after thought, you will have reached a point where the behavior
has actually changed. However, some of those behaviors have triggers and while going through the process of these stages it is important to make note
of what those triggers are and have been in order to keep them from shooting off and derailing the process.
Be honest with yourself during the process and forgive yourself if there are relapses. Each stage can be very difficult to get through and as I said
before, the longer you have been doing something the harder it will be to overcome. The very most important part is to be able to forgive yourself
when you do fail, keep at it, it will eventually become easier, but do not get stuck in the depression stage, that can be very hard to get past.
edit on 12-29-2016 by searcherfortruth because: (no reason given)