Annual "For Those Alone This Holiday Season" Topic. All welcome.

I know many feel the Holidays are pointless, hypocritical, or exercises in mindless consumerism, or whatever else one may feel renders them moot. But regardless of what anyone feels about the Holiday season, the truth is that irrespective of anyone's individual religious or spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof,) regardless of one's secular practices, regardless of political ideology, the Holidays are a powerful cultural ritual of sorts with immense psychological underpinnings which, for many, go back to our childhoods.

For that reason, like it or not, many people - even those who try their best to avoid it - find themselves extremely lonely, sad, or just generally miserable this time of year. While the CDC says it's a statistical myth that suicide rates skyrocket during the Holidays, it's undeniable that the season - whether due to seasonal affective disorder, depression, or just general nostalgia-fueled longings for family and friends no longer around or impossible to see... or even just sheer isolation for a variety of reasons (illness, physical and mental alike) - can be miserable for some.

Therefore I try to make a topic like this every year if no one else does. This is a place for people to talk and feel less alone. I respectfully ask that if people feel the Holidays are "pointless anyway," feel this kind of discussion is undesirable, or that this "shouldn't be an issue anyway" for whatever reason, kindly refrain from derailing this topic: it's not for you. It's for those who DO feel the Holidays - whether religiously, spiritually, or just secularly - matter and feel profoundly alone during them. I also respectfully ask that everyone honor and treat with civility and compassion one another's religious, spiritual, cultural, and other beliefs or lack thereof and to please allow this to be the positive, hopefully at least somewhat comforting topic that it is intended to be.

Peace and welcome to all.

a reply to: AceWombat04

...the truth is that irrespective of anyone's individual religious or spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof,) regardless of one's secular practices, regardless of political ideology, the Holidays are a powerful cultural ritual of sorts with immense psychological underpinnings which, for many, go back to our childhoods.

Yah, Like Church, Disney and Politics our brains have been molded by outside influences , stimuli that presupposes our freedom of choice, supplanting it with dogma, belief and fantasy.

Rage against the Machine

I have been put on working nights on Xmas eve and Xmas day....I asked to do a late sleep double seeing my family are away and it would have been great spending the day with my service users .
No xmas dinner no presents .
Bah humbug.

The holiday season seems to sharpen all the pains of losing those we love and those who feel alone. Here's my wish that everyone find peace and joy this year- from any source available.

My advice to those who are feeling down is to find somebody (anyone- stranger or not) in need to bless, either by providing them with gifts, or food, or company..and I think you'll find that we can forge relationships at any time.

Happy Holidays to all.

Came close to being statistic the past 3 holiday seasons . Betting pool open on whether or not I survive this one .

Only reason havent yet is the longshot hope that get my daughter back .

Otherwise no family , outlived everyone that knew .
Have come to hate holiday season .

Will most likely spend it drinking and debating with myself on becoming another statistic .

a reply to: VengefulGhost

Hey (if it's okay with you) I will pray that your daughter returns this season. I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles.

a reply to: VengefulGhost

My best mate was in your situation and he instead of wallowing in self pity he went out and volunteered at a soup kitchen, he does it every year and it has cheered him up and he wouldn't do anything less now.
Give it a try dude don't become a statistic you are better then that.



I will be alone most of xmas day sleeping getting ready for my nightshift but If you get down PM me and we can talk crap

I used to love the holidays, especially Christmas. Growing up in a large Italian family we went all out. Made everything a tradition! Getting the family tree, holiday lunches, wrapping gifts, shopping and of course my mother slaving away for weeks ahead of time to cook all of our traditional holiday favorites including the 7-Fishes. I have wonderful and happy memories. My folks raised us to ask for nothing and appreciate everything, and so we did. Even though when Christmas eve and day arrived we were showered with more presents than we could ever hope for, we cherished every single one.

Two years ago on Thanksgiving I lost my wonderful mother. She battled illness all of her life but in the last few months of her life she just spiraled down until it was over. Since then, holidays are not the same. I don't like to celebrate. I have my in-laws and they are wonderful and I do enjoy spending time with them but something in me died with my mother. Those traditions in my past are just that... in my past. Since then I am trying to create my own new traditions. For example, this year my husband and I are going to the Bahama's for Christmas. Just the two of us.

But still... everything Christmas just makes me sad these days. And yeah, the media, stores, ads and all that just make it unbearable! It's quite disgusting that everything is "gimmie, gimmie, gimmie". People are spending thousands of dollars on junk that no one needs and everything is plastic, gimmicky and disposable!

a reply to: Scorpiogurl

I'm profoundly sorry for your loss. I live in dread of the day I lose my own mother, as I know it must be a pain I cannot fathom. And I know it is inevitable.

I ABSOLUTELY agree with you about the commercialism of the season that, for me at least, should ideally be about giving. (A spirit we should even more ideally ALWAYS have but... alas.) If it helps any, please feel free to connect and talk here but if not that's okay too. I wish you the best.

originally posted by: testingtesting
I have been put on working nights on Xmas eve and Xmas day....I asked to do a late sleep double seeing my family are away and it would have been great spending the day with my service users

.
No xmas dinner no presents

.
Bah humbug.

I'm very sorry to hear that. Feel free to hang out here at least if able! We will keep a (virtual) fire going for you for what it's worth.

originally posted by: VengefulGhost
Came close to being statistic the past 3 holiday seasons . Betting pool open on whether or not I survive this one .

Only reason havent yet is the longshot hope that get my daughter back .

Otherwise no family , outlived everyone that knew .
Have come to hate holiday season .

Will most likely spend it drinking and debating with myself on becoming another statistic .

I'm sure many feel this way, sadly. I would urge you continue the struggle against that inclination, but I do understand. I know someone in precisely the same boat, and it's very difficult for them, and I wish I could help but know I cannot, as no one truly knows what it's like but the individual. (Those who say they do are at best projecting their own experiences onto you, but your own mind and experiences are your own imo. We can empathize, but we are not you.) However minute the modicum of catharsis it might provide, please feel free to vent your feelings here without fear of judgment or ridicule. (And I would ask everyone to respect that.)

originally posted by: zosimov
The holiday season seems to sharpen all the pains of losing those we love and those who feel alone. Here's my wish that everyone find peace and joy this year- from any source available.

My advice to those who are feeling down is to find somebody (anyone- stranger or not) in need to bless, either by providing them with gifts, or food, or company..and I think you'll find that we can forge relationships at any time.

Happy Holidays to all.

I completely agree. Even if it's just online, if that's all that's manageable. That's sort of the point of this topic. I want this to be a place where people of all life experiences, pains, and sorrows, even if they may not agree with one another, can talk, respect each other, and feel some small sense of connection with other human beings at least.

Peace.

I despise the holiday season. Always have. It is utterly phony. When I was growing up, it was that obligatory put-on show for everyone...forced into pretending that my home life was idyllic and Christmas card perfect rather than a sick, twisted, abusive prison that I was lucky to have escaped from, mostly intact and relatively well-adjusted.

I despise it even more as an adult...something I didn't think possible. It is just a big, shiny, colorful lie that people use as an excuse to outdo each other. A glittery, sparkly, overpriced (and overrated) popularity contest. With door prizes. And a really sh!tty cover band who only knows like eight to ten old songs.

I am currently in the hospital, and people are expressing their condolences for me being stuck here instead of out there enjoying the "festivities". However, I have zero problem with being here...it is quiet and restive. The food blows total ass...but it's a hospital, so that's a pretty Universal given; plus they more than make up for it by having an unlimited supply of both cold Pepsi and crushed ice on hand.

I think everyone should spend at least one holiday season alone. It is a great way to gain a fresh perspective on life...it sounds so sad and so depressing, but honestly I think the sadness and depression aspect of it is little more than a psychological construct like so many other patterns and rituals and habits that we place such importance on. That's fantastic; there is nothing wrong with tradition or ritual...as long as the importance being assigned is truly our own, and not just to keep or make others content instead.

A very Merry Bah! Humbug! to all of the other holiday misfits and Grinches out there in the world. Namasté, and Blessed Be.

a reply to: tigertatzen

There is definitely something to that. And there is definitely a lot of hypocrisy and artifice at work in The Holidays, in all their incarnations. But there's also a lot that is, or can be, very real and very intense (both intensely good, and intensely bad.) This is a topic for those who do long to be something other than alone during this season, because for them it is real and does matter. (As an example... I'm disabled and have profound social anxiety disorder, so I don't have option of being with anyone. I'm fortunate to have one person I'm with. But I also suffer from clinical depression so... try as I might, the Holidays get me down even if I'm aware of much of what you say and strain against it. Treatment doesn't work the same for everyone. This is a topic for all those who are equally trapped in an unpleasant situation. I respect that you're strong enough to weather your storms contentedly. Not everyone is. Happiness and "toughness" isn't always a choice.)

Of course, you are quite welcome to share your opinion along with everyone else and I thank-you for it as, as I said, there's definitely a lot of truth there.

Peace.

a reply to: AceWombat04

I'm not expert but I think that one of the reasons the holidays affect some people in a negative way is because in many ways they only see what I would call "The Facebook Version" of other people's holidays.

They hear about people's plans and the hustle and bustle of getting everyone together but they don't necessarily see the "other side" these people still feel simultaneously.

Using myself as an example...

This Christmas has all the ingredients to be a great one for my wife, son and me. It's our first one in the first home we actually own. We are hoping to have a house full of family/friends on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

That being said, there will be more than a few moments that I will have to fight off sadness. Sadness over things lost that are no longer around to enjoy with us. Sadness over people that for whatever reason, aren't around. To be candid, and I don't know why this is, I find it particularly to celebrate the holidays with neither of our two dogs (who now reside in heaven).

My point is that while I know everyone's situation is different, I would hope that people going through a rough times during the holidays understand that nobody else's holidays are pure joy. Nobody is as alone as they think they might be.

a reply to: AceWombat04

Happiness and "toughness" isn't always a choice.

I don't think that happiness and toughness are necessarily the same thing. If anything, I essentially think the opposite is true. If someone is naturally inclined to be happy or is in a scenario in life where happiness comes easy.... they don't necessarily have to be tough. However, someone who is struggling but perseveres is, in my mind, very tough.

I found that a lot of my unhappiness at Christmas was caused by the pressure to enjoy it, particularly my last few in the City. My boss just wouldn't leave me alone and insisted that I paid attention to or joined in with things that I'd rather have been left out of.

Watching TV was a total nightmare because of all the horrible, insistent ads and then there is the insidious idea that each Christmas has to be the 'best one ever'.

Coming to the country was a revelation to me. No more pressure from other people, no Christmas decorations lurking about for about two months prior to the event.

I even found the mute button the remote control so I could block out the TV ads.

Instead I could just enjoy the beauty of the Winter Season which truly can be inspiring and delightful.

I think it can be so helpful to find one's own way to experience 'the holidays' and get away from other people's expectations. It still rankles a bit, sending out the obligatory Christmas cards but that's a small thing compared to the pressures of the past.

My wish for those who are unhappy at Christmas is that they can find their own peace and a form of celebration that gives them some contentment.

a reply to: berenike

Likewise!

a reply to: eluryh22

Indeed, no one is exempt from pain, even in the best of circumstances. That is the human condition. There is also much to be joyful about though. I'm sorry for your sadness, and glad you aren't alone all at the same time.

While I do think a lot of people's Holiday Blues derives from the expectation of an ideal that can never be met, I just try to also remember that for many it's much simpler than that. For many it's as simple as, "I desperately wish I had someone to talk to this time of year." Those are the people I created this topic for.

Basically this is just a topic for those who are lonely and want to talk at a time of year when things can feel magnified. Just trying to do my small part, as others have done for me in years past (which helped a great deal.)

Peace.

originally posted by: AceWombat04
a reply to: berenike

Likewise!

a reply to: eluryh22

Indeed, no one is exempt from pain, even in the best of circumstances. That is the human condition. There is also much to be joyful about though. I'm sorry for your sadness, and glad you aren't alone all at the same time.

While I do think a lot of people's Holiday Blues derives from the expectation of an ideal that can never be met, I just try to also remember that for many it's much simpler than that. For many it's as simple as, "I desperately wish I had someone to talk to this time of year." Those are the people I created this topic for.

I agree with you that those can be some of the causes of the sorrow that some folks feel, especially, at this time of year. I realize that the CDC facts indicate that folks are likely happier this time of year and less suicidal, it's odd that it seems so opposite of the facts. There does seem to be a pervasive sense of melancholy but, there are things that can add to this, I think. Winter beginning in the northern hemisphere, wrapping up the year past with all of its good and bad, anxiety or apprehension toward the new year approaching and it can seem so overwhelming along with the holiday and the expectations that come along with it. If one is in tune, so to speak, with their fellow man they may feel empathetic toward others suffering and that can weigh on an already heavy heart.

Basically this is just a topic for those who are lonely and want to talk at a time of year when things can feel magnified. Just trying to do my small part, as others have done for me in years past (which helped a great deal.)
Peace.

I think it is a noble action and I am glad there is someone who is willing to reach out and perhaps bring some peace, comfort, show some compassion or just listen for folks who need that or are able to even speak on the things weighing them down, especially in this moment.

I just wanted to thank you for that.

a reply to: TNMockingbird

Thanks, that's my sole intent! I just know it has helped me a lot in years past. Just want to return to favor, if I can.

Peace.