don't know where else to turn, found some odd stuff on my girlfriends kik messenger.

So this all started several months ago when people at my workplace talked about using a messenger app, kik, to cheat/sext behind their partners back. On a whim I checked if my girlfriend had on (I know the password she uses). There was one message from a girl just saying "hey". I responded, and she said she wanted to "talk". I asked how I knew her, and she said "I just saw you on here and wondered if you wamted to talk." Not to weird, but raised suspicions because if it was just a friend wanting to talk, why not text her? I logged off and wrote it off. Fast forward to a few days ago, I randomly log on and a new girl messaged her "Hey hun you around?". Weird, especially considering the girls picture was of a girl in lingerie. I responded "ya what's up?" But have yet to here back. Both of these messages were from a few days before I logged on, seeming like it is not an uncommon occurance. There have been times I've suspected my gf is bisexual, she watches lesbian porn and has admitted the "thought" of being with another girl turns her on (she later retracted this and said she was just referring to the porn. I know it was insecure of me to look this all up, but it really seems like she has been sexting or hooking up with girls on this. Like I said, if it was normal friends just hitting her up, why do so on kik? I confronted her the first time just saying I knew she had an account, and she claimed she hasn't used it in years. Am I crazy? Is this what it seems? Should I confront her and admit I've been snooping? Should I wait for the lingerie girl to respond?

a reply to: dr1234

Play it cool and get yourself a 3-way.

a reply to: dr1234
Have you got any liquor?

I hate you, just kidding. Opportunity knocks my friend.

a reply to: dr1234


looks like you need to get to the bottom of this. Then you need to decide what kind of relationship you are comfortable with. Good luck, trust your gut.

originally posted by: Lysergic
a reply to: dr1234

Play it cool and get yourself a 3-way.

This is serious man. I feel like my world has been turned upside down. Please try to understand I don't want a 3way and if she has been doing stuff behind my back, guy or girl, I'd be devastated. Do you all agree this is what it seems?

originally posted by: Lysergic
a reply to: dr1234

Play it cool and get yourself a 3-way.

Although ^^^what he said^^^ ,

I just wanna add that I really hate Kik and wish people would just use the text message capability of the phone itself. Next month it'll be another messaging app that I'll have to download... I'm sick of it. My phone already texts!@!

You should be honest with her. Although if I was her, I would break up with you on the grounds of invasion of privacy. So you may not want to take that route. I know it sucks but maybe if you don't trust her, you should just move on. Without trust there can be no true love. Once you're at the point of snooping, it's already gone. Sorry to hear about your troubles bud. 😕

No offence, but I wouldn't be sharing this stuff here.

Try the Jeremy Kyle show or whatever your country's equivalent is.

There are a lot of bots on Kik. Usually identified by being sexy ladies in lingerie and proactively messaging you. That is my first guess. It's bad juju to snoop through your partner's phone with confirmation bias. Just sayin.

Odds are it is really nothing, those may just be spam messages from bots. As far as your girlfriend is concerned my advice is just be honest and actually talk to her. Nothing will kill a relationship quicker than a lack of communication or a lack of honesty. I would not necessarily confront her, but just talk and listen.


Edit: Also I do agree, with the others that it is not cool to snoop. You should have talked to her if you were concerned instead of snooping.....just my $.02.

originally posted by: PorteurDeMort
You should be honest with her. Although if I was her, I would break up with you on the grounds of invasion of privacy. So you may not want to take that route. I know it sucks but maybe if you don't trust her, you should just move on. Without trust there can be no true love. Once you're at the point of snooping, it's already gone. Sorry to hear about your troubles bud. 😕

Exactly why I want to be sure before I bring anything up. Is there any chance this is just friends? Or spam? Or am I reaching?
I want to see what this girl says back but waiting is killing me. I feel like I need to ask her, but she has been known to lie before.

originally posted by: dr1234

originally posted by: Lysergic
a reply to: dr1234

Play it cool and get yourself a 3-way.

This is serious man. I feel like my world has been turned upside down. Please try to understand I don't want a 3way and if she has been doing stuff behind my back, guy or girl, I'd be devastated. Do you all agree this is what it seems?

You have two choices:

1) Spy on her at every turn and take this really seriously, or
2) Let it go and just talk to her and explain you want to trust her and for her to be honest with you.

If you feel like you gotta spy than what's the point? You'll become a control freak and go insane with the obsession of her cheating.

You have to have good communication and learn to Trust in someone you love. That means no spying, in fact, don't even think about all that crap.

Just show her you truly love her and share your happiness with her and she'll never even think about cheating so you won't need to be insecure and worry about it anyways.

I know this stuff from many years of experience.
Time to make a choice.

a reply to: dr1234

Sounds like she is just curious.

Either be a part of it or don't.

Probably wont react too kindly to you snooping tho.

Something to consider.

Welcome to the razors edge.

originally posted by: Darkphoenix77
Odds are it is really nothing, those may just be spam messages from bots. As far as your girlfriend is concerned my advice is just be honest and actually talk to her. Nothing will kill a relationship quicker than a lack of communication or a lack of honesty. I would not necessarily confront her, but just talk and listen.

Maybe, but the first one wasn't a bot. I had a conversation with her. The second one who knows.

a reply to: dr1234

Does she play app games on her phone?

I got caught up in a few games I play to kill boredom and a lot of the players use KIK to communicate behind the scenes and it can become rather flirty. The sad thing is, the majority of these "females" on these games are in fact males and use KIK as a social engineering tool among other things, they like to pressure people into sending nudes.

I've been around a while and seen all this happen with my very own eyes.

There's a good chance that it's a guy trying to scam your girl out of some personal pics.

Either way, best of luck.

Fidelity is rare now days thanks to the internets.

originally posted by: PorteurDeMort
You should be honest with her. Although if I was her, I would break up with you on the grounds of invasion of privacy. So you may not want to take that route. I know it sucks but maybe if you don't trust her, you should just move on. Without trust there can be no true love. Once you're at the point of snooping, it's already gone. Sorry to hear about your troubles bud. 😕

I wouldn't wanna be with someone who has "private stuff" that isn't my business.
Everything about me is an open book, I'm honest and hide nothing. What's the deal?

I will respect everyone and mind my own business and not pry into things but...

Privacy?
No deal.

What kinda relationship is that?
One with secrets? Wt#...

originally posted by: dr1234

originally posted by: Darkphoenix77
Odds are it is really nothing, those may just be spam messages from bots. As far as your girlfriend is concerned my advice is just be honest and actually talk to her. Nothing will kill a relationship quicker than a lack of communication or a lack of honesty. I would not necessarily confront her, but just talk and listen.

Maybe, but the first one wasn't a bot. I had a conversation with her. The second one who knows.

Even if, it may not be what you think it was. People are also capable of pretending that they are what they are not and it may have been an attempt to eventually phish some information.

originally posted by: Templeton
There are a lot of bots on Kik. Usually identified by being sexy ladies in lingerie and proactively messaging you. That is my first guess. It's bad juju to snoop through your partner's phone with confirmation bias. Just sayin.

This too...I frequently get messages from random bots in "revealing" clothing.

This could actually be it, I know your heart is probably very heavy right now but relationships are based on trust. My best suggestion is to politely confront her and if you know her well enough you will know if she is lying or not, unless you are blinded by your love.

This member's explanation is more probable than mine.

originally posted by: dr1234

originally posted by: Lysergic
a reply to: dr1234

Play it cool and get yourself a 3-way.

This is serious man. I feel like my world has been turned upside down. Please try to understand I don't want a 3way and if she has been doing stuff behind my back, guy or girl, I'd be devastated. Do you all agree this is what it seems?

Don't ask people on ATS for advice on this - clearly, it just doesn't register with them.

Just talk to her - that's all you can do. Ascertain and judge her reactions and come to a (reasonable) conclusion during the conversation... just assume nothing.

Rather than "lawl have a 3-some," by some weirdo vicariously playing out their fantasies... just talk with her.

Believe me man, communication and in turn trust are what keeps relationships afloat. They two come hand in hand and can take serious time to achieve and no time at all to destroy.

There's only one way to actually find out though. Confrontation.