FamCore's Brother has Passed

I cannot believe I am writing this. I wake up in the morning and it is even more raw and real.. it's like a nightmare I just can't wake up from.

This has been the most devastating loss for my family (and all of Ian's friends and admirers). My brother also has a twin, who I am concerned for but we are doing everything we can to support him. I'm also very worried about my mom because she lives by herself and it's imperative that the family sticks together and loves each other now more than ever.

To summarize what happened this past week.. my brother was on a few different medications. He had some struggles these past few years, but in the past few months he had moved home (we are in New England) from Chicago, got a new job, was seeing therapists and taking medicines as they told him to, and literally doing everything right. We could not be more proud of him!

But the doctors messed up big time... they will likely get in a lot of trouble but that's neither here nor there.

We thought my brother had the flu about 12 days ago. Finally last Tuesday he went to the docs (his skin was fluorescent yellow at this time, and he was looking like this since 2 Sundays ago).

The doctors said to stop taking his medication, he might be lethargic for a few weeks but he would be fine.

Well they totally f'd up. His liver was probably already failed at that point. Moving on... on Thanksgiving we got the call from his Twin that they were going to the ER to get him checked out, get him some fluids, etc. My brother (his name is Ian) was having trouble moving and was getting progressively worse.

Doctors told us his liver and kidneys were failing.. that we would need to transfer him to Lahey Hospital near Boston since they are the best in the nation for liver transplants ("in case he needed it"). Ian was still lucid, joking around with us, and although he was in pain and scared for his life, he put on a game face and was extremely strong and as always hilarious. We stayed in the local hospital overnight until a bed opened up in Lahey, then in the morning he got transfered. Me and his twin (his name is Derek) raced down to Lahey to try to beat him, which we did.

By the time Ian was getting carted in last Friday, his consciousness began fading. His eyes were open when he was on the stretcher, and when the EMTs asked if he saw his brothers, he nodded and kind of looked at us. But I would not get a chance to speak with him again Slowly his condition would get worse.

The next 4 days were the most difficult and trying times ever for my family. It was very graphic.. he was hooked up to many different machines and IVs.. they needed to get his blood pressure up.. they needed to try to keep the swelling in his brain down.. all the meanwhile trying to get him listed for the transplant list. Day #2 in Lahey we found out he had the flu on top of everything else. Day #3 we found out he had pneumonia on top of that.

But he got listed, and remained on the list for the whole time we were down there. But on Monday his head swelling was going up, his respiratory was also failing, and his acidity in his blood was going up. They told us if they got a donor the transplant team would not be able to operate on him since he wouldn't make it, and that they couldn't justifying risking a good liver. We prayed and prayed hoping that the antibiotics would help him fight pneumonia and the flu and that this would help bring the acidosis down (they weren't sure if acidosis was from the liver failure or his infections).

However at 11 PM on Monday night his blood pressure kept dropping. They let us know we should call his father and sister who were back at the hotel to come by. They did. We had a Greek Orthodox priest (who we happened to run into) say a prayer with all of us outside of Ian's room, which was just so grim.. I couldn't believe what was happening. But at the same time I'm glad we were able to do that.

By midnight it was getting worse and worse. Ian was surrounded by his 5 siblings, and his parents, all praying, talking to him, and crying harder than I've ever seen people cry. We needed a miracle, and we kept asking for one.

Ian fought so incredibly hard... he was a marathon runner. He was 35 years old, an avid skier and tennis player (and instructor), and absolutely loved hiking the Appalachians (and any mountains, but especially Mount Mansfield in Stowe, Vermont) and loved dogs and all animals. He kept fighting... no one could have fought for as long or as hard as Ian did.

Finally at a little after 1 AM on Tuesday, we consulted with doctors. They said he would slowly continue to deteriorate, but the medicines were facilitating a lot of it. So we asked that they remove the breathing tube and medicines so it wouldn't prolong the suffering.

We all came back into the room shortly after they did this. I didn't see his chest moving to take air anymore. He had an ICP monitor (a device they insert in the skull to check brain pressure) sticking out of his head, and his skin was very fluorescent. We all said our goodbyes, kissed him, thanked him for being our hero, and felt the world tumbling down around us. I cannot believe this is real. It really is true that the good die young.. Ian had a heart of gold and would never ever complain about anything - that's partly why we didn't know he was so bad for so long.

I wake up in the morning and the world feels so empty now. I'm being strong for my family, but this is by far the most tragic thing I could have ever even imagined.

We are going to make it through, but the world lost an amazing soul. I pray to God that I get to speak with him and see him again one day. We are so lucky Ian was a part of this world. He will live on through his family, his friends, and most of all his twin Derek.

We are Team Ian forever - and he will be watching over us.

Rest in Paradise big brother... you are my hero and idol forever, for as long as I remember. The first time I thought I was cool was when I was 9 or 10 years old at tennis camp and he was a counselor (he's 8 years older than me). Ian invited me to do a Backstreet Boys lipsync with him. I finally thought I was "a cool kid" because my awesome older brother invited me to be part of this hilarious gig he put together.

Growing up skiing, playing tennis, hiking, going on vacations, enjoying holidays together... nothing will take away the amazing experiences I got to share with him.

But nothing will ever replace him either. I feel shattered.


Me and my brother


Ian R. Graddock

9/7/1981 - 11/29/2016

We love you brother.

The twins:



Ian is on the right (in all of these pictures)











See you on the other side...

I am very sorry for your loss. Has got to suck. Hang in there.

a reply to: FamCore

I'm so sorry for your loss and that of your family.

I hope you can find strength to get through these times ahead as a team.

Your loving description of him as an amazing human being was wonderful and hopefully memories of your times together will help to mend some of your brokenness, in time.

I am so sorry for your loss. May you find strength in each other at this difficult time

Will say a prayer for whatever that is worth to you. His real journey is probably just beginning imho. There is no making sense of these things. May your pain be eased and your family be blessed Sir.

Very sorry for you and your families loss. Sending love and strength to you all.

I'm sorry to hear this, he was so young. He must have had a problem with the medicine and the side effects weakened his immune system somehow. When he got the flu, it made things much worse than it normally would have.

Did he even have the flu, some medicines actually cause problems that mimic the flu, beta blockers can make a person more susceptible to bronchitis and other lung problems.

Doesn't really matter I suppose, it just sucks that he died. When someone dies young, a sibling or parent often has regrets that they did not spend enough time with them. After my sister died young (40), we all made sure to make it to Family dinners at least three times a year and visited more often. You tend to look back after the fact that someone passed away and it does bring the rest of the family closer together. We are not immortal and neither are our relatives. Being this is your first close relative to go, don't forget to learn from it and keep in touch with everyone so there will be no regrets later.

It is hard when that kind of thing happens, I felt really bad and shocked when my sister died. I am glad we did go over their house more often before she died. I took it for granted she was going to live a long life till diabetes and infection got her leg and she wound up in a wheelchair. Long term medicines actually made her problems worse, since she died they have discontinued use of the meds she was on for RA because of side effects she experienced, they actually just covered up the symptoms.

a reply to: FamCore

I'm very, very sorry FamCore,

I'm so sorry. He sounds like an awesome brother. Praying for you and your family.

Oh noooo! I can only imagine how shocking this has been for you and the family! Wishing you all the strength and courage to see your way through these dark times. The loss of someone so dear leaves a hole in your heart that no one else could ever fill. I know. If you ever need to talk, just shoot me a private message. Hugs!

a reply to: FamCore

What a great eulogy.... Your love for your brother is great and so is your pain.

With time ........ you will heal and your love for your brother will NEVER fade.

Now.....show your brother you are strong.... that life must go on.... take that step....

Life is a test and you are facing a hard one right now.... it is our decisions we make that shows what path we are on.

God bless you and your family.

My condolences. It's hard when someone you know passes ... harder when they're family. Revel in your memories and they're never really lost.

Thank you for sharing this.

a reply to: FamCore

What a horribly sad and devastating thing to have happen. I don't see how you managed to get through your narrative...I know your and your family's pain is nearly unbearable . It's obvious though that you're very strong of heart and will bear up together to get through this. I wish you and your family the best and that this horrible, horrible pain will be lightened by the strength you have together.

Rubi3

I'm so sorry to hear this mate.

Given time, I hope you heal and return to us as the important member you are here.
But take some time to be with your family now.


RIP Ian.

Lots of love and prayers from London, England.
X

Sorry for your loss.. And condolences to you an your family..

a reply to: FamCore


My deepest condolences but as You typed at the end, You'll see Him on 'the other side' where He won't 'need' any poisons that are pushed as "medicines"...

If You need anything let Me know...

namaste

I am so sorry for your loss. What an absolutely beautiful post to your brother. I'm sure he would be honored.

May your family receive every thought, prayer and blessing needed, to help them through this terrible loss.

a reply to: FamCore

Big hugs, FamCore. My heart and my prayers are with you and your family. I'm glad you have your family to hold each other close and get through this together with love and the happy memories you share. I'm here for you if you need anything. Brightest blessings to you and yours.

Bo

a reply to: FamCore

Ian fought so incredibly hard... he was a marathon runner. He was 35 years old, an avid skier and tennis player (and instructor), and absolutely loved hiking the Appalachians (and any mountains, but especially Mount Mansfield in Stowe, Vermont) and loved dogs and all animals. He kept fighting... no one could have fought for as long or as hard as Ian did.

What the HECK happened?! A man with such fitness and mental attitude should overcome nearly everything. I'm an on-off running obsessive (middle distance) and this has struck a chord. Saying 'marathon runner' tells me he'd be running dozens of miles a week...every week. Hardcore to the max with super-healthy heart and no-quit lungs. I'm straight in with admiration.

Really sorry to hear of your loss. So young too. He must have lived life to the full and (without sounding cheesy) enjoyed it with a passion - not a wasted moment. A good guy.