Well. That's that.

a reply to: Bluesma

BluesMa I have interacted with You on a few occasions here and have found You to be a very grounded Person. I do hope there has been a mix-up on the hotel's part, and through conversation with Your Husband, it will all come out.
I do hope You will talk to Him. You have known Him long enough to see the look in His eyes, whether or not He is lying. I truly wish You the best.

Stay strong and try to deal with this with Your mind, not emotions. I know that, at this point will be hard, but try....
Best of Good Luck, Syx...

It could be a simple mix up.

My friend and I were just discussing men and I pointed this out to her. Both of us have done biz travel and we got our own rooms. I suppose it would be listed that way as charges too. In my case I was sent places by co's I worked for and they handled all that. If you had to use your own $ for something you submitted an expense report.

Now my friend Zoe here, she and partners have their own business, they are consultants and do travel and she says that you'd want all your receipts to be accurate because you're going to "expense that", right? As above. And you would want your paperwork to reflect the correct things. And if not - "the accountant and tax guy will yell at you." Two adults in two separate rooms will cost more, you would want that to be accurate.

The hotel is going to charge more too, and most all biz's today give detailed receipts.

I would question this. Of course errors can be made by anyone any step of the way.

I hope things work out for the best.

Well if it makes you feel any better, My ex got knocked up and had a kid while i was on a 15 month deployment to Iraq. LOL she didn't even tell me she was pregnant. Stay single you are better off

French. "Married."

Juxtaposition solved.

So sorry Bluesma

I wish I could respond to each of you, I really REALLY appreciate the concern and input!

I talked with him, and he claims it was some sort of mix up... perhaps the hotel has a system that automatically fills in a single room with "two persons". I admit to a bit of skepticism, as it looks like there is a charge per person.
So for the moment, I am choosing to take his word for it, and, well.... we'll see.

The truth is, life sort of sidetracked me, and I can't put much worry into it. On the other hand, it stopped me from having my survival instincts kicking in and trying to figure out how I would live alone...

I was at a very big Congress this weekend, doing volunteer work, in the area I am studying now (International Commerce). It was extremely fruitful in terms of networking - I came home with a pocket full of business cards, private contact details scrawled on their backs, and even a couple emailing me Saturday morning! I had extremely powerful people searching me out there, and was terribly unprepared- I didn't have any résumés with me and didn't have my lap top with me, which was a big mistake. Some people wanted it within the hour. Our teacher had told us not to bring such things, it was not the place, as this was really a meeting of the highest positions- not for students to be bugging them.

I even had a direct offer from a company that is just a bit too far away from me. I haven't graduated yet and am just looking for an internship in February - March, but it looks like I shall be able to find one. My fellow students became quite jealous and irritated by all this, being asked to go find me by CEO's they were completely intimidated by. (while they too, are looking for a internship). I felt badly about that.

I had a blast though- I got to sit in on fascinating conferences, learning tons, I got to question seasoned professionals about the business- how it is now, where it is going... I also learned how important it is to be reactive and prepared. I always feel like I have to be repressed and shut down because the french find me too much- too smiley, too enthousiastic, too loud, too open, too this or that.... THIS time I just felt my natural nature burst forth , and it was OKAY! These were people from all over the world, used to dealing with different cultures! A far cry from the paysans in our little village.. they could handle it!

One guy even told me, in this business, because you deal with different cultures, speaking the "correct talk" is less important than looking people straight in the eye and being sincere- you have that. You'll do great.
I actually cried in the evening, it felt so good to be myself and have others accept that as okay.

So I am in a whirlwind of writing cover letters, answering messages, researching companies to find out what they do, what their products are.... and amongst that the question of whether my husband *might* be cheating has lost it's importance for the moment. I kind of feel like I'll deal with it later.
In any case, I think, even if it were true and I have it confirmed, I'll be okay. We'll stay friends, and I will be able to take care of myself.

We'll see.
Thank you so much, you guys! Strange to say I feel like the stars are supporting me right now, when it really depends upon what events I choose to focus on!

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
Frankly, there is nothing but silence here from the OP.

Perhaps she has thought better of her initial post, or found additional information.

Maybe we should wait to see what she has to say.

I wasn't home, and didn't have my laptop with me, for two and half days. Sorry I didn't respond right away. (geez I am having to say that to everyone all of a sudden...)

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
a reply to: Bluesma

Two other thoughts...

You have over 6,000 posts here and nearly 6 years of membership. I would think your husband knows where you post your thoughts, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he checks ATS periodically, if not actively. If he's truly up to something I would think this doubly true. To this end, you might be telegraphing your 'punch', so to speak. At very least, you are giving him a head's up to start covering his tracks.

On the other hand, if there really is a harmless explanation for this, and the above is true, he might well be none too happy about you jumping to this conclusion. I'll speak for myself when I say, if I read something like this posted by my wife I'd be plenty PISSED! In fact, I'd probably be so mad I might want to re-evaluate the relationship as a whole if my wife was so willing to S#-can the whole relationship and bolt over such a silly thing (were it not true).

Just sayin'...

Yes, my husband knows I post here, and has followed my posts in the past to see what I have to say concerning us.
He might be doing that now. I have nothing to hide, nothing I said here was not said between us.
I am not into BS like investigating secretly- we are adults, we can communicate, and we both understand the basic human need to exchange with neutral parties when upset or worried. He has friends he talks to- and I don't have any access to hear or see that, which seems MORE creepy than this!

originally posted by: Zeta Reticuli
I go on business trips all the time and I always share a room with my fellow colleague who may be going with me. TBH, mostly so we can drink and smoke weed aka party.
But of course, as most women do, you'd rather assume the worse and begin acting on it as if your sure of it.
Stop overreacting and talk to the man first, good Lord.

Screw you. As I wrote from the start, I contacted him before posting here and asked him point blank.
It's not my fault if you don't read carefully. I never even said I was sure- I said I am concerned I need to consider how I will survive in case it is true. I don't have an income at the moment - I am a pragmatic individual.

It's taking me a while to catch up with all the responses. I see there was some people who felt I had come to a firm conclusion at that moment - I understand my post title might have given that impression.
I admit that I was emotional at the moment I saw that email, and if you cannot grasp how one can feel concerned in those circumstances, well you have some difficulties understanding human psychology.

Considering THIS time, he had the bill sent to him personally, instead of the company he works for as usual, except they used the wrong email address- not the one only he has a password for-
and that there is an extra charge per person,
There is enough evidence for rational concern.

On the other hand,
I have lost that american attitude of hatred and extreme judgement about the concept of "cheating". Perhaps I have been here too long, but I don't feel it is worth suing anyone or taking any legal revenge. He's a human, not a machine, not a God. He may have ambiguous feelings, like us all, he might struggle with opposing desires, hell he might just be bored with having sex with the same person for 26 years! That happens. I don't buy the unrealistic expectations of mind and principle over body anymore.

Geezus, if that part of our relationship is wrapping up, than we're friends. We've shared too much to turn into monsters toward each other.

The harsh reactions of women to the possibility of cheating are most often due to survival instincts- in this society, men make more money than us, and we often end up dependent upon them to some extent. The fear for survival is strong. I tried to be as honest with myself right away and acknowledge that, rather than go on some self rightious trip about the morality of loyalty, instead.

Whatever. I have other things to do, and if you want to imagine that all females are irrational hyperventilating lunatics, and somehow read my post in that vein, then I feel sorry for you and the kinds of females you have felt drawn towards and known up to now.

First, congratulations on the extremely successful event. That's really exciting that you were clearly the "it" girl for important people in your field. Awesome!!

You reaction to this 2-person hotel reservation, and the fact that you spent a lot of your followup post talking not about your relationship but rather your networking leads me- a total outsider - to think perhaps your marriage isn't of central importance in your life. Maybe you feel you've outgrown him, or you have grown apart. ?

After 26 years, I'm sure you have the experience and wisdom to know marriage has different seasons, ups and downs. If your husband isn't a top priority in your life right now, if you don't feel in love right now, that doesn't mean the marriage is over. Not at all. Although I can imagine he would be very hurt by your assumptions and might require just as much reassurance about your marriage as you do right now!

Marriage has less to do about love, and even far less to do with what a partner can "do for you", than it has to do with commitment. Marriage is a commitment between you, God, and the other person.

I hope you two can ride this out.

But I'm old fashioned like that.

Thanks for the update - you've been on my mind!

a reply to: VegHead

Astute observations, and not without logic. I imagine it DOES sound wierd that I am all focused on this new career, when I feel my marriage might be in crisis.

I guess at this moment I feel a bit torn between the two happenings. I love my husband, I love the man he is, and I truly hope it isn't over. On the other hand, I have been very scared and stressed about this career path I recently set out on, and these last couple of days brought a huge load of relief off of me. I am almost fifty, and my resumé is a mish mash of all sorts of activities, and huge hole in the middle where I stopped to raise my kids and learn the language.

So I have been questioning myself each day, wondering if I should continue with this crazy choice tomorrow, if my aging brain can handle all this new info, and if any company would ever dare to take a chance on me. Having this new hope released a lot of energy that has been building up.

I guess I am compartamentalizing. Putting the scary stuff aside for a moment to attend to things I feel capable of responding to, to get back to this huge question after- when my emotions have truly become more stable.
Just like when we have a fight, and instead of fighting, we will each take a day or two with distance, to think, move, maybe vent with friends, and basically make sure we are in a state of being able to really LISTEN to the other before we jump into the issue together.

a reply to: Bluesma

Well said ...

Hang in there. You kids will be all right.

a reply to: VegHead

hang in there an don't make any rash decisions in the heat of the moment...hope everything works out ok!

originally posted by: Bluesma

originally posted by: Zeta Reticuli
I go on business trips all the time and I always share a room with my fellow colleague who may be going with me. TBH, mostly so we can drink and smoke weed aka party.
But of course, as most women do, you'd rather assume the worse and begin acting on it as if your sure of it.
Stop overreacting and talk to the man first, good Lord.

Screw you. As I wrote from the start, I contacted him before posting here and asked him point blank.
It's not my fault if you don't read carefully. I never even said I was sure- I said I am concerned I need to consider how I will survive in case it is true.

Get a job.
There. Problem solved.

originally posted by: Zeta Reticuli

originally posted by: Bluesma

originally posted by: Zeta Reticuli
I go on business trips all the time and I always share a room with my fellow colleague who may be going with me. TBH, mostly so we can drink and smoke weed aka party.
But of course, as most women do, you'd rather assume the worse and begin acting on it as if your sure of it.
Stop overreacting and talk to the man first, good Lord.

Screw you. As I wrote from the start, I contacted him before posting here and asked him point blank.
It's not my fault if you don't read carefully. I never even said I was sure- I said I am concerned I need to consider how I will survive in case it is true.

Get a job.
There. Problem solved.

Hahaha- obviously you don't have any idea how hard it is a foreigner to get a job here. But as you can see above, I have been working on that (in school, changing careers right now) and took action the very next day to anticipate. But thanks for your advice, despite it's lack of originality and bad timing.

a reply to: Bluesma

There's always Backpage.

a reply to: Zeta Reticuli

Backpage is not often used in France. Also, culture has it that for the french, networking and relationships are much more effective. Luckily, I have many contacts on that front- I am actually struggling with four very interesting offers tonight.
But I don't want to resume my entire relationship with my husband of 26 years to a question of money.
I have spent half my life with him, all the same, and I love him, so it isn't quite as simple as you suggest.

Do you feel like your truly in love with your husband?

Would you consider to think that you chose this experience to happen to you just as he chose this for himself too?

My ex was also a member here altohugh less so than myself. She found someone else and grew tired of me and although it was tough and we had only been together for 5 or 6 years not the almost lifetime you and your other half have we tried to remain friends.

It hurt me a lot, so much so that I nearly killed myself with drink and drugs dealing with it but all through that time with a few exeptions we remained friends and still are now even though we have both moved on.

Deceit is bad, really bad but can sometimes be on reflection understandable in my mind, time will tell on what will happen and how you both will feel.

without sounding too cheesy I think that every path in life has a beggining, a middle and an end and ALL things ultimatley end in some way. If you can look back on the journey and remember that the middle was good then you can sleep well.

I wish you well on your new journey and hope you can one day look back on the old one for what it was and remember it fondly regardless of your companion in it.

a reply to: Bluesma
I hope that it's as he said and not something to be concerned about. Good luck with everything.