posted on Nov, 27 2016 @ 07:52 AM
I guess I'll throw my own story in here.
I have no positive memories of my father. He was what I'd consider to be abusive towards me for most of my life. When I was little he would literally
ignore me whenever I'd try to talk to him, like he would act like I wasn't there. I never understood why he wouldn't talk to me, so sometimes I'd get
upset. I remember times when I'd be trying to talk to him and he'd fly into a rage and hit me and/or scream at me for talking. One time he could've
broken my neck. I was trying to tell him something, but as usual he wasn't responding, so I kept saying "Dad! Dad!", when he suddenly got up and
charged at me. I got scared so I got down on the floor, and he grabbed my head and shoved my chin into my chest while screaming at me. There was
another time when he sent the SUV we were riding in onto two wheels when he jerked the steering wheel and slammed on the brakes so he could reach into
the back seat and squeeze some sort of pressure point in my knee - solely for the sake of physically hurting me for talking. I became afraid to talk
to him because I never knew if I was going to say something that would send him into a rage and have him suddenly start hitting me in the head. That
fear of talking to people carried over into every other aspect of my life during my early years.
When I entered school, I didn't really have any idea how to properly talk to or get along with other kids due to a combination of being afraid to talk
to other people and never really having learned how to socialize properly. This basically caused me to become one of those social outcast kids all the
way into early high school (I left during my 9th grade year and ended up just getting a GED). As a result, I was bullied almost every day, and the
school didn't care since I wasn't one of the popular kids. Some of the administrators got in on it too. I had one teacher who would sit next to me and
try to get me to say things that she could use to get me in trouble. I remember her showing me a picture of her children and asking me if I'd ever
shoot them, or if I wanted to blow up the school. Just to note though, I socialized just fine outside of high school during my teenage years. I had a
ton of friends - just none from my own school.
As I made my way into my teenage years, my father stopped hitting me (I think he became afraid that I was big enough to defend myself), but it turned
into criticism and belittling, yelling, and "power games". He never talked to me unless he was criticizing me, belittling me, yelling at me or
ordering me to do even the most trivial of things simply for the sake of having the power to do so, such as demanding I wake up and get out of bed so
I can go turn a light off while he stands next to the switch and watches me do it. That was another thing as well, he'd sometimes wait a few minutes
after I've gone back to bed and fallen asleep just to barge in my room and yell at me to get up again and do menial things ("There's a paper on the
counter! Get up and move it or get out of my house! Do it NOW!"). He loved playing these "power games" where he would exercise his control over the
house. For a while he did this thing where he demanded I turn my computer off whenever I wasn't at it, so if I left my bedroom to so much as go to the
bathroom, he'd go straight to my computer and unplug it from the wall while it was turned on. I had to take a few ice-cold showers too when he went
through his "it's MY hot water" phase and turned off the hot water whenever I got in the shower.
To make matters worse, towards my late teens I started getting very ill. My father would demand I do something, like mow the lawn, and I'd try telling
him numerous times that something was wrong with me and I felt very sick and needed to lay down. He wouldn't have it and would instead scream and
berate me for being lazy and accuse me of making excuses. This went on for quite a while, until at 19, I found out I had a major kidney problem my
whole life and my left kidney had been essentially poisoning my body for years. It was to the point that the tissue inside my kidney was literally
dying. I ended up needing several surgeries and was in and out of the ER from complications. Surprisingly, he told me he felt bad for the way he'd
treated me with how horribly ill I actually had been. He mostly toned his crap down after this.
I realized later in life that the way he had treated me might have been because of his mother. His mother constantly plays psychological mind games
with other people to try to make them feel inferior to her, and for a long time, she had been attempting to do this to me. Fortunately, I'm more
intelligent than her and always knew exactly what she was trying to do. Everything she did was total by-the-book psychological and mental abuse. If
you read up on it, it'll literally be describing her. My father's sister is completely *ed in the head; she's anorexic and essentially resembles
someone who has no self-identity, which can happen when one person grows up having their identity completely dictated to them and controlled by
another person. Not ironically, she's very close to this woman. I guess I could see how his mother may have contributed to him being a total @sshole
to me through his apparent need to exert control and dominance, but even were that to be the case, it doesn't excuse his behavior.
Concerning my mother, she's always been caring, but she happens to have a rather low level of intelligence to the point that it's difficult for me to
even have a conversation with her beyond what one could have with a child. I mean this literally, she has trouble following simple conversation and
her brain makes connections that make no sense. I suspect she may be mildly retarded, and perhaps by now have the beginnings of dementia. Needless to
say, I've never known what it's like to have parents I can actually talk to about anything of value. I've never experienced being able to do so.
So, how has my childhood affected me? Well, I've never been comfortable around other males. The vast majority of my friends have all been females, and
that's all I seek in seeking friends. I don't like talking to or being around other men; I can and I do, I just don't enjoy it. In a year and a half
I'll finish college and move to a new area, so I might consider seeking out male friends there and trying to overcome this, but who knows. I have this
weird thing too where if I accidentally bump my head on something I suddenly get a combination of being really mad and wanting to cry. I strongly
suspect it's from my father hitting me on the head as a child. I also get mad if anyone tells me I'm lazy or that I need to "toughen up", considering
I did exactly that while I lived and worked for years being extremely ill due to my kidney literally slowly dying inside of my body, all the while
being berated for being lazy or weak or being told to "toughen up" whenever I'd say I didn't feel good.
Other than those things I guess I'm a relatively well-adjusted person. My life is moving forward in a positive direction. I don't plan on having
anything to do with my father through the rest of my life though. I have no respect or care for him whatsoever. I just don't want him in my life.
Wow, that got long. Sorry if it was in any way inappropriate for the purpose of the thread.