a reply to: Tindalos2013
Alright, that's it. I'm telling all because last night someone called me an MK Ultra wannabe.
But it's not funny.
I'm not making any crazy outrageous claims here, in fact I truly don't believe I'm involved in any kind of project like that. But because of the bad
day that I had, I have decided to make it worse by saying all kinds of crazy things here.
Almost 4 yrs ago now I ended up in the ER and was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes (formerly known as Juvenile Diabetes, only I was an adult).
That means I am insulin dependent.
And I have to jump through fiery hoops to get the prescription for insulin.
The last time I saw my endocrinologist (over a year ago), she told me that the insurance companies want either a record of my blood work or a log of
my blood sugar numbers, or both, before they give me insulin. At that time, I hadn't gotten the blood work and I didn't have a log of my blood sugar
levels. Cause I'm lazy af. And when I told her that I check my blood sugar way more than 4 times a day(because I just check it a lot to make sure
its ok) she looked concerned and asked why and acted like I was doing something wrong.
Well, I have a message for all you fugs.
I'll take my blood sugar 20 times a day if I want to.
Cause you don't own my body.
Except maybe the insurance company does. Which is government insurance actually because I'm poor. So ok yeah, maybe the government does own my body.
But I'm not going to do bloodwork or write down my blood sugar numbers (whichever it is) because fug you I don't have to and if you want to watch me
die a slow torturous death due to lack of insulin, THEN FINE THATS ON YOU NOT ME.
But I admit, I'm really pushing it. I always have.
I just tried to refill a prescription that needs my doctors approval and we'll see if she gives it to me... without having seen me in over a year and
without whatever else she said the insurance company needs for prescription. It's a holiday week too, so maybe they're not even in the office. That
means I have to survive till Monday at least without one form of insulin, to see if she'll fill it.
But I might end up in the hospital, against my will.
And I just don't like doctors and hospitals so I do everything I can to stay out of hospitals and I make it so I have no reason to go to the doctors-
like I'm young now and I don't have to yet... so we'll see what happens now. And if it turns out that I end up in the hospital and I just have to
give my body over to stupid doctors who I don't need to see, who'll tell me to only check my blood sugar 4 times a day like they told me to, trust me
I'll make the fugging doctors visits but I won't be happy about it and I'll make up all the logs and eventually, I'll just make a joke out of every
trip and youtube it (cause I'll make the best out of it, you know, if I have to do it, I'll make art out of it). And I admit, I am reminded of the
one guy David Icke talked about in the video someone posted in the one out of a bahjillion threads that I wrote- the guy with the CIA patch or some
sh-t. That is some serious sh-t guys but idk if it's for real, but either way I relate to it. Just feels like I'm trapped because I need this drug
to survive. But fug it. I'm already suicidal like 1/3 of the time as it is so yeah just let me die.
If my body is owned by the government, it's their responsibility then. Who am I to disagree with the ultimate decision.
Specially on bad days.
Praying for a cure.
Fug it I'll sell my soul to the devil for a cure.
Another Type 1 girl at school said they make her go to the doctors once every 3 months. I was horrified. But she said she struggles with her
diabetes? So maybe I'm a fugging genius cause I haven't had a seizure, or been rehospitalized, since diagnosis. And my first A1c was good. So fug
off and just give me insulin.
And if I'm really some kind of top-secret government science project? Then I'm sure I'm like that one ridiculously epic science project that tries so
hard but fails. Every. Time.
That's what I think about all of that.
But I really do want to live and I'd jump through six fiery hoops and more, if that's what it took to get insulin. I'm just seeing what I can get
away with for now.
So, what do you think about that?