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I'm finally willing to talk

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posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 08:59 PM
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I want to start by saying that I had every intention of becoming an active member of ATS, but I got scared away by the thought of being identified. There are active members here that will know exactly who I am by some of the things I write here. I ask that you not to give out my name or any links you may have to my social media. Let me stay anonymous.

I started noticing things were happening when I was 17. Bruises, cuts, missing time. The usual. At first I was excited. I grew up loving everything having to do with aliens, UFOs and abductions. My dad got me into it, but he was never as into as I am. Sometimes he tells me he never expected to have such a "weird" daughter and one time he even let it slip that he wished I was more normal. Thanks dad.

My love became an obsession after that. I spent so much time absorbing everything I could on the subjects. I started looking up other abduction cases and realized there was more to my case than what I first noticed. There are lists of the most common signs and "symptoms" that you've been abducted, and I checked off nearly everything on those lists.

After a couple weeks, it went further than just waking up to find strange marks. They were there, but so was an awareness. A sickness. The feeling that sometime the night before, I had been violated in every way possible. I started to wonder if the fact that I knew this was happening had an effect on the people or things that were doing this to me. Were they becoming more violent with me or had it always been that way? Why was I starting to remember tidbits of the nights events? Eventually I came to the conclusion that there is some kind or device or process that's used to hide or erase memories before you're sent back home, but as you become more aware of situation, the less effect it has.

Eventually memories started surfacing of something much more diabolical than just aliens. Men. Human men. A large round room with bleacher type seating along the walls. A man in a black suit sitting beside me and talking to me as I lay strapped to some kind of medical table. It was hard to make out the people sitting in the bleachers because the room was mostly dark except for a light shining down on me, but I could see that it was mostly if not all men. They all appeared to wear suits or at least button down tops. Some of them were smoking cigarettes as evident by the occasional glowing red dot and the smell of smoke.

The man beside me asked me questions. A lot of them. The only thing I remember him saying is "And tell me about your father. What is he like? What interests him?" I remember saying "he's not a nice man..." and I said some more but I can't remember it. The memory stops there. I woke up not long after feeling like someone had their entire hand covering my face and pressing into my cheeks with their thumb and pinky. It was 4 AM. I could hear my dad in the kitchen getting ready for work. I chalked what I had just experienced up to dreams and sleep paralysis and I wouldn't have thought anything else of it had I not noticed bruises across my upper arms that coincided with how I was strapped down in the "dream." The last time I checked, dreams didn't leave perfect leather strap looking bruises.

At this time, I lived about five miles from an air force base. I grew up literally right next to it as a kid. Because of this, I came to accept that there was some kind of government or military (or both?) involvement with what was happening to me. My best friend at the time had military connections, or, to be more precise, her dad did. He had once been in the air force and now on the base doing something technical. I'm not sure what. I learned that he also shared a big interest in the subject of UFOs and aliens and at first he was eager to talk to me about it when I brought it up, but after became aware of what was happening to me, he became distant. He wouldn't have anything to do with the subjects anymore and eventually he just really wouldn't talk to me at all. I'm guessing he knows something.

The father of another friend worked security on the base. He had always been open about talking about personal paranormal encounters (ghosts, possible tulpas, cryptids) but when I asked him about UFO sightings over the base, he got super serious and told me there have never been UFO sightings because "aliens do not exist." When I told him there were multiple civilian sightings, he go a little mean and told me to drop it. That's not suspicious at all. The worst part is, this particular AFB is not well known for UFO sightings at all. There have been a few over the past decade, but it's not like other AFBs that have entire alien conspiracies surrounding them.

When I was 18, I had my first murder "dream." Actually, it's not my first ever, just the first of my adult life. The first one happened when I was 13. I had a "dream" that I was in a room lit by a single light overhead. I'm not in control of myself. I feel this rage within me, unlike anything I'd ever felt before. There's a person in front of me. I think they're drugged or something, and I attack them. I punch and scratch them and eventually I knock them to the ground. I'm not a strong person at all. In school I would get into fights and everyone knew my "signature move" was to pull out fistfuls of hair because my punches did literally nothing. Even in this dream I was weak. I managed to scratch hard enough to draw a lot of blood, but I had to bodyslam the person to knock them down. When they were down, I got down beside them and started slamming their head into the concrete floor. Being drugged, they didn't fight back, and being so weak, it took a while to do any real damage, but eventually blood started pooling under their head after a loud crack. I'd killed them. I screamed at their body, not out of fear, but like a battle cry. Physically I was satisfied with what I had done but mentally I was horrified. I didn't want to hurt them but I did it.

When I woke up, I thought it was dream. Then I saw the blood under my fingers. I checked my body for scratches and there were none. I wasn't on my period. There was no blood anywhere in my house except for under my nails. I'd scratched someone, but I went on telling myself it was a dream. It wasn't until my "dream" at 18 that finally came to the conclusion that something had happened the night before. At that point I still refused to believe that I had murdered someone, but I accepted that I had hurt them. This happened a few more times, just a few days ago was the most recently. Two days in a row. Now I have come to accept that I am a murderer. Not by choice but by force.

It seems I've just about reached my character limit. I didn't even know that was a thing! I'll continue in a reply.




posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:11 PM
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One good memory I have out of all this is of seeing the stars. I've always wanted to go to space. I was like that annoying Space Core from Portal 2. Never thought it would happen, but I guess it did. This memory is of me being led down a sterile, white corridor of some kind. My body is really heavy, like I'd been drugged. I can't hardly move at all, but I'm being held up by two things on each side of me that have a grip around my upper arms. I start to gain consciousness and my head is hanging. I move my arms but it's hard. I notice that I'm wearing some kind of long sleeve shirt that I do not own. It's black and shiny and silky. The sleeves go over my hands, ending just where my fingers begin and there are a couple white stripes towards the hem of the sleeves. I try to look up and again, it's hard to move. The corridor curves slightly in front of me and in the curve is a long, rounded window. Outside is space. Beautiful, endless, mystifying space. So many stars. It was the most magical thing I've ever seen. Sadly, whoever or whatever was holding me noticed that I was awake and did something to put me back to sleep and that's all I remember about that.

Abductions don't happen as often anymore. I think the reason is, the more often it happens, the more I remember, so whoever does it spreads it out. At one point I was averaging at 3 abductions a week that I could feel or remember. Now it's once every few months, if that. It's a relief, but with those two most recent murder "dreams" I'm wondering if it's going to start picking up again.

There's something very dark happening not just to me, but to a lot of people. There is no spritual hippie bull# connected to this. We are not all "one." The universe is not love and peace. Ashtar can suck my metaphorical dick too because even if he is real, he's so full of # his pretty little aryan eyes are actually brown. I have this unsubstantiated feeling that while I've been through some #ed up things, I'm protected from things other abductees experience. I don't want to sound narcissistic and say there's something special about me compared to others, but something is not right.

There's more, but I'm going to give myself a break before I post anything else. I've already given myself so much anxiety letting this all out.



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:19 PM
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Your experiences correlate with some other accounts of trauma-based mind control/programming.

These techniques are allegedly used to force the mind (still pliable as a child) to fracture or "disassociate" allowing the new personalities to be switched over at predetermined times or in response to a command, such as a spoken word or a particular color for example.

The people that do this are very dark, they are known as the Cabal, and they are not nice people.

Is your father now or at any time associated with the masons or any other secret society? If not your father, any close relatives or friends of the family that might have secret society/cult connections?


+6 more 
posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:26 PM
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originally posted by: MoobiusRex

When I woke up, I thought it was dream. Then I saw the blood under my fingers. I checked my body for scratches and there were none. I wasn't on my period. There was no blood anywhere in my house except for under my nails. I'd scratched someone, but I went on telling myself it was a dream. It wasn't until my "dream" at 18 that finally came to the conclusion that something had happened the night before. At that point I still refused to believe that I had murdered someone, but I accepted that I had hurt them. This happened a few more times, just a few days ago was the most recently. Two days in a row. Now I have come to accept that I am a murderer. Not by choice but by force.


You're not being abducted by aliens... you're a werewolf.



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:27 PM
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originally posted by: Tman2135
Your experiences correlate with some other accounts of trauma-based mind control/programming.

These techniques are allegedly used to force the mind (still pliable as a child) to fracture or "disassociate" allowing the new personalities to be switched over at predetermined times or in response to a command, such as a spoken word or a particular color for example.

The people that do this are very dark, they are known as the Cabal, and they are not nice people.

Is your father now or at any time associated with the masons or any other secret society? If not your father, any close relatives or friends of the family that might have secret society/cult connections?


I've known about this for a while. It scares me because I'm so afraid of hurting people. I don't want to cause harm to anyone. I'd much rather just be poked and prodded by little gray men then ever have to hurt someone.

My dad, as far as I know, the the biggest introvert in the world. He has few friends and thinks clubs and secret societies are a waste of time. Very blue collar.

The only connection I have to a mason was my mom's godfather, but he died long before I was born. Other than that, nothing.

Well, one of my parents came from a semi-wealthy family. But their parents were cut off from any wealth and power my great grandparents may have had because reasons. My great grandfather had a hand in building parts of one city (I won't say where. I'm sorry.) so there's a very high chance he was a mason. My grandmother also had a great dislike of clubs, secret societies and Catholics. Maybe that means something? But again, cut off from money and power pretty much means no power in a secret society.



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:29 PM
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originally posted by: Bone75
You're not being abducted by aliens... you're a werewolf.


Thank you for making me smile.



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:29 PM
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If you don't mind my asking, why ARE you letting all this out? I mean what's the end-game for you in venting?

Or is this simply therapeautic for you to do so?



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:35 PM
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a reply to: alphabetaone

When this all started, I found a few groups on facebook dedicated to alien abduction experiences. I became active in them hoping to find answers and hear from others like me. Sadly, the groups were filled with smug assholes whose word on the subject was law and I felt like an outsider and like I couldn't talk about what was going on without being told I was wrong.

As it got worse, I desperately needed a place to talk but I couldn't get that in those groups. Even though it doesn't happen as often, I still need to get it out. I thought for a long time that it was that way everywhere, but ATS seems more open. While posting this brought up some anxiety, I can feel it helping me as well. I feel like a huge weight is being lifted.



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:38 PM
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originally posted by: MoobiusRex
a reply to: alphabetaone

When this all started, I found a few groups on facebook dedicated to alien abduction experiences. I became active in them hoping to find answers and hear from others like me. Sadly, the groups were filled with smug assholes whose word on the subject was law and I felt like an outsider and like I couldn't talk about what was going on without being told I was wrong.

As it got worse, I desperately needed a place to talk but I couldn't get that in those groups. Even though it doesn't happen as often, I still need to get it out. I thought for a long time that it was that way everywhere, but ATS seems more open. While posting this brought up some anxiety, I can feel it helping me as well. I feel like a huge weight is being lifted.


Ok, so therapeautic.

You said your first recollection of a murder dream was at 13, and another at 18...how old are you now? I guess what I'm driving at is the length of time it has been happening to you, not that your age is important as a factor.


ETA: I like drawing a clear mental picture of the type of person I'm talking to...it helps in my responses.
edit on 20-11-2016 by alphabetaone because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:40 PM
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a reply to: alphabetaone

23. It's happened about 10 times. Not once a year. Like I said, I just had two nights in a row recently.



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:41 PM
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a reply to: MoobiusRex




I feel like a huge weight is being lifted.


That's very good !!!
Welcome to ATS !!!
You'll find a lot of people here that will be more than glad to talk.

Buck



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:44 PM
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originally posted by: MoobiusRex
a reply to: alphabetaone

23. It's happened about 10 times. Not once a year. Like I said, I just had two nights in a row recently.


You said you tried facebook groups or whatever they are, I don't use facebook at all, or much any social media...In fact, ATS is about as social as I ever want to be and even that gets on my nerves a little...but that aside, it seems to me you would be somewhat internet proficient....im a bit shocked you haven't heard of or been exposed to ATS before. Reason I'm shocked is because few sites come up with a lot of frequence when one is searching for alines, ufo's, and conspiracies in general in almost any search engine, and ATS has to rank among the top on those lists.



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:49 PM
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a reply to: alphabetaone

Oh I've known about ATS for a long time. I used to lurk here and read the aliens board a lot. But again, after what I experienced on facebook from other people who were into/experienced similar things, I was very hesitant about joining. I was also afraid of being identified and I still am.



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 09:55 PM
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originally posted by: Tman2135
Is your father now or at any time associated with the masons

Not to take away from the OP's thread, but my father is a freemason (who happened to be an abusive @sshole for most of my life), and I've had quite a few odd experiences myself in my life, including seeing 4 ufos. The first of those was when I woke up one morning and went to look out my bedroom window and saw it slowly floating right down the road in broad daylight. The chances of waking up one morning at precisely the right time to see a very obvious ufo floating right down the road from my bedroom window are so astronomical that I feel like it can't be a coincidence. For the record, in case anyone is wondering, I didn't live in a town. I lived off a country road in the middle of the woods where there was rarely any traffic.
Would you care to elaborate on why you brought up freemasonry?



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 10:08 PM
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originally posted by: alphabetaone

originally posted by: MoobiusRex
a reply to: alphabetaone

23. It's happened about 10 times. Not once a year. Like I said, I just had two nights in a row recently.


You said you tried facebook groups or whatever they are, I don't use facebook at all, or much any social media...In fact, ATS is about as social as I ever want to be and even that gets on my nerves a little...but that aside, it seems to me you would be somewhat internet proficient....im a bit shocked you haven't heard of or been exposed to ATS before. Reason I'm shocked is because few sites come up with a lot of frequence when one is searching for alines, ufo's, and conspiracies in general in almost any search engine, and ATS has to rank among the top on those lists.


Well I certainly don't blame you (or anyone at all for that matter) in being cautious...its a scary world out here.
I imagine that if all you need is to talk things out in an anonymous forum then you're accomplishing your goal



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 10:49 PM
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Ok, break over.

At 19 I had what I believe to be some kind of implant literally rip itself out of my body. I was laying in bed watching a movie when I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my left knee, just below the kneecap. I rubbed my knee trying to get the paint to subside when all of a sudden I hear a slicing sound and feel this weird metal thing hit my hand. I held it up to the light of the TV. It looked like a BB, perfectly round and shiny. The thing is, while I shot a lot of BBs as a teenager, I never once got shot. My parents instilled strict gun safety rules in my head at a young age, even when it comes to BB guns, so I never did anything stupid enough to hurt myself.

I did something stupid and went to set the thing down on my nightstand before I turned on my overhead light, but just as I set it down, it shot away from me, hit the floor, rolled around in different directions for a little while before stopping dead in its tracks then darting towards an air vent. It rolled into the air vent and I never saw it again.

One of the weirdest things I ever had happen to me happened as a kid. I kind of pushed this memory out of mind for a long time because even before all this stuff started, I knew something was wrong and it bothered me. This is the story that more than a few people could identify me with. Please, keep me anonymous.

When I was in 3rd grade, my class took a field trip to the Franklin Institute. I had a blast. Even with this weird memory, I still regard this trip as one of the best moments in my childhood. We were all obsessed with the giant walk-through heart and of course I had the best time in the space exhibit. Somewhere along the way, my class was taken to a weird room. It was small, painted white and had this weird little wooden booth in one corner with a doorway and window in it. There were also a couple wooden benches. The walls and booth had a few pictures of space shuttles taped to them. I guess it could have been some really sad excuse of a lecture room, but it did not fit with how the rest of the Institute looked AT ALL.

Here's a crappy mock up of the layout of the room. The dimensions are all wrong.
i.imgur.com...

We sat in the room for a while and my teacher was adamant about us being quiet despite the fact that there was no one in there talking to us. The air was thick and something felt off.

After that I blacked out. The next thing I know, I'm walking through a large, warehouse like room with only a fraction of my class. I have no clue where the rest of the kids were. The room was freezing cold, but I think the trip was during late November or early December. This room has a few things on display. The only thing I remember was this weird pedestal with an orb hovering above it. Blue, glowing. Like a ball of pure energy or something. The other kids were mesmerized by it and I was too to some extent, but my concentration broke when I heard a door open. I looked up at the back wall and saw a woman walk from one door to another across the room. The thing is, as I watched her, my eyes zoomed in like a camera. I think she knew I was looking at her because she looked right at me and smiled. I've had this zoom thing happen a few times. Always random, never on queue.

I don't remember what happened directly after that. The last thing I remember about that small group was that we were brought to the rest of our class who were in an arcade that was set up with games that had to do with motion of some kind. I remember a surfing simulator and how clumsy I was on it. And then we went home.

This is the one that I realize makes me sound crazy and the one I struggled the most with.



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 10:58 PM
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I "saw" a grey once in my life. It wasn't in a spaceship, I was meditating and I saw it scorched the space to sneak a peak. The funny thing is, I instantly become agressive and burned it. I just don't know how, but that's what appened. I'm scarred now of meditating.

NB:
Your text seems to contain that advice :
"Attention SN hide in nogime (a chiness cup)."

More exacly : "att sn hide in nogime"
Skip code (4 letter) on the first 20 letter of your message.

It's probably a coincidence, but I couldn't get pass it. Sorry.
edit on 20-11-2016 by PersonneX because: (no reason given)

*It's look like it's a japenesse cup... sorry
edit on 20-11-2016 by PersonneX because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 11:07 PM
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a reply to: PersonneX

I don't understand.



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 11:08 PM
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a reply to: PersonneX

you did good
meditate more



It's probably a coincidence, but I couldn't get pass it. Sorry.

no such thing

edit on 20-11-2016 by kibric because: boo



posted on Nov, 20 2016 @ 11:24 PM
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a reply to: MoobiusRex

Woo man, this is a tough one to swallow, I will admit it DOES make you sound crazy or trying to perpetrate some kind of hoax for kicks.


Understand I'm not saying either of those 2 things about you...one thing I DO know is that, even if none of this is real, if you simply believe it to be real that alone can be devastating enough for some peoples psyche. But you do have to acquiesce to one thing otherwise, personally, I stop responding here....you have to resign yourself to admitting that it MAY be only in your head and not real. You admit to that possibility, and I would fight right along with you. You don't, well it was a great story



(not that having me on your side is any great benefit....being that I speak my mind quite often, I'm not well liked in social structures such as these lol)




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