posted on Nov, 13 2016 @ 08:42 AM
This year has been much more standing out, in that my quest for happiness has been interrupted greatly in 2016. I have always had losses, many
stemming from the same decisions that I am making this year (all unintentional) that are causing this. But I have had 3 devastating blows that each
rival the blow I had 2 years ago and 12 years ago. These realities have been setup in a way that I feel I am innocent in a series events that do not
lead to another's expectations possibly, but then I feel persecuted, as the outcome of events I feel unjustified. In that case do I attempt to fight
the justification? Well in 2016 each time I have not, a different action that I am trying, that has led to massive amounts of sadness, I mean until
the pillow is soaking wet. The idea is that I let another persecute me, as I choose to die, similar to an example of Christ. Each time the other
person would think I was a normal person, even while doing this, but if they were to reach out to me they would see that I am being a suffering
servant, which is what I believe Christ taught. Arguing facts, compartmentalizing them, not facing them, instead I let them win, and in that action I
admittedly lost. Well when I was attempting to reach my greatest goals and my heart lost, now 3 times which means I was at loss in spirit for about 9
months and 1 week in 2016.
I still believe in smiling and being happy to the very people that caused me grief, to the point of smiling while tears are coming out. And the
greatest thing I know, which I have gotten feedback on here about, is that I know there is someone out there ready to love me, even today.