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I had an epiphany, and I feel compelled to share it here.

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posted on Nov, 8 2016 @ 09:38 PM
a reply to: geezlouise

Everything's fine. I can't give you real advice without knowing the whole story, and i'm afraid your story would trigger or upset me, so kind of a self defeating circle type thing.

posted on Nov, 8 2016 @ 09:49 PM
a reply to: geezlouise

Well, you can't force compassion or empathy on anyone... either they have it or they don't many don't even have it for themselves so it's a foreign as a 3rd kneecap in even trying to comprehend it. So of course developing it is something of value but that starts with really learning to listen... shutting off the inner dialog that wants to force it's view onto another instead of feel the and understand what the person is saying and feeling on conveyance of it without any need for a retort of opinion just that knowing... that they aren't alone in feeling it and if one hasn't experienced what you're saying then no empathy takes place just compassionate wisdom that such things hurt and are not beneficial to practice or spread to others.

You were seeking a sameness to equalize when sharing that pain and well those compassionate or empathetic wanted too or understood the message... when it turned to anger same thing, when it turned into feeling guilty for that? Same thing.

So the thing is no one can share an experience but they can know an experience, even rotely with no compassion or empathy they can think... well it sucks to be you glad I haven't experienced that sounds lame then off to whatever else without a second thought, or some echo they've learned if they've heard it before like it's always darkest before the dawn and other cliche that does have a real meaning from the origional source however and those that could really see how deep the cliche dives instead of just repeating it because it seemed to fit and that's all they had to offer, then of course there's those that spread the pain that caused the pain and think hey someone that has been exploited before and then look to exploit again seeing it as a weakness for their own desires and control issues wanting power over someone else... and that only works when someone is weak and suffering that's where such revelations can turn predatory, and if one falls for it? Then the ammo once they got what they want always leaves doing more damage than one had going into it by striking blows to wound... instead of personal responsbility with things like oh you're too damagaed or she/he was crazy and on to the next victim to exploit in the same selfishness.

It is a cycle and the more one goes through it the more one sees it for what it is... and well obviously, steps outside of that so healing actually occurs and the cycle broken that's how one wins and there's no doubt that could arise that one cannot be abused in such a manner again without consent instead of exploiting someone's ignorance of it and how it arises and passes in human nature.

edit on 8-11-2016 by BigBrotherDarkness because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 8 2016 @ 09:50 PM
a reply to: Mousygretchen

Ok well. I didn't exactly ask for any advice in the OP. My post is about sharing what I've learned, the epiphany that I realize I'm still processing even now with the help of others input here, and it's also about apologizing for my toxicity which I take full responsibility for.

If you want to punish me for that toxicity, I can't stop you.

Just tell me when you're getting the paddle out and I will gladly bend over.

K thnx.


PS: Still wish you were coming to the NYC meeting. And I promise I'm really 100% human in case you (or anyone else) took me seriously and maybe got a little scared. Have no fear! I'm fully human.

posted on Nov, 8 2016 @ 09:56 PM
a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

OMG yes, it's about breaking the cycle, breaking free from old paradigms. Yes.

You've always been super kind to me, and understanding. I am sorry if you have been through similar terrible experiences... but I am so glad that you are here to help, and not hurt. Thank you so much. It means a lot to me, more than you will ever probably know.

posted on Nov, 8 2016 @ 09:58 PM
a reply to: geezlouise

Lol, s'all good.

I don't have a means of transportation. Be good, though

posted on Nov, 8 2016 @ 10:01 PM
a reply to: geezlouise

Eh no worries such is life dignity learns to walk through it instead of kneeling... and once learned then you reach out a hand so that anyone kneeling can stand up and reclaim their dignity instead of crawling around as a slave to the stupidity that put them down there to begin with.

posted on Nov, 9 2016 @ 01:09 AM
I really wish I could read your previous threads OP, Avatars huh? Sounds interesting. From what you've said here, it seems like we *might* be going through something similar. I wish I had more to say but as usual, got nothing. Stay strong I guess, think that one's for me as much as you..

posted on Nov, 9 2016 @ 02:18 AM
a reply to: geezlouise

Hey GL,

I didn't see your original post, and can't make any claim to knowing your story. I am sorry about that.

I wish I could turn back time for you, and direct everyone in your world to the point where they could have prevented it, and stopped motion on the whole thing and said "Now look. See there? That's a setup for something very bad... get in there and prevent it, because after it's done, you can't fix it".

I can be here now to tell you, yes, it was a very bad thing, and Im so sorry it happened.

My heart hurts that it makes you feel broken.

You are so much more than that part of you. Will you let me believe that for you? Even if you can't quite see it yourself, yet.

You are so much LESS broken than the evil person(s) who did these things. They are the f#ed up ones, not you.

You are kind. You are brave. You are smart. Don't let the fact that you have HAD to be these things minimize for you the amazingness of them, and of all the other beautiful things you are.

posted on Nov, 9 2016 @ 02:48 PM
a reply to: March of the Fire Ants

I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

Essentially, it's like I'm throwing a tantrum because I just found out that Santa Claus isn't real.

Like what BigBrotherDarkness said, I really am going through the grieving process... and being sad that Santa Claus isn't real is like the same exact thing as mourning old paradigms that don't work anymore, and getting over my lofty ideas of justice or how I thought the world works and who I thought I was, and etc... but I mean. I think I'm a fairly practical person so like, I understand the basics of some of the stuff going on so I really didn't have any lofty ideas about that (or so I thought), but there was still... this idealism that I harbored. It was like, I was really friggen hurt. You know? And doesn't anyone care? And stuff is still happening like it's not something you can exactly move on from. Not for me, not at the moment.

And I don't even know what I am really asking for when I share stuff with people... cause I was never satisfied. I was looking for something... and didn't find it. And all I know is that it was clearly just too much for people. I realize that now, and the fault is mine.

It's a process, facing reality. It is better to accept things and adapt to the changes, than to be stubborn and unchanging.

a reply to: CantStandIt

Thank you for your kindness.

posted on Nov, 9 2016 @ 03:34 PM
a reply to: geezlouise

Thanks I appreciate the offer but I have no words.

posted on Nov, 9 2016 @ 11:23 PM
a reply to: geezlouise

You have a life what greater gift is there than that? Santa Claus not real... that simply means stop asking for people real and imagined to hand you something you already have; a life.

Sharing your life is actually having one; and how does one do that? Give it to others... but if you expect anything in return those expectations are going to reflect that intent or become karma... if you only give out of want or selfishness then people are only going to want or be selfish. That's how it works.

So give without intent and what you recieve is as it is without manipulation without control for some specific outcome. That doesn't mean anyone else's nature or intent will change... but grace will walk through all of it, dignity will stand up and call them on it.

Acceptance will reach out arms and embrace all and everyone as themselves; because we all carry the exact same burden called life and just want to be happy... but life is not a burden when it is given, it is a burden when it is taken... running around where'd my life go? Bites the tongue right out of the mouth seeking the eye seeking the tooth.

Life begins each time you notice it being right there in that moment, damn this coffee is good! Poof you were awake right then appreciating life then you look around from loving that coffee and everything looks appears and feels better, then you see something you don't appreciate and then it looks gloomy and painful and there's the other half of the dream.

We keep doing it to ourselves chasing that damn good cup of coffee and hiding from what's painful wanting rainbow and unicorn dreams and none where people are hurting... back and forth back and forth one extreme to the other.

You are giving yourself to the good and the bad accept both and that's the gift that one gives to all others acceptance and a hand to help when the dream has become too much for someone else... and you do that anyway in unawareness by feeling the good others feel that too, feeling the bad well it arose too did it not so you felt that.

What occurs eventually is seeing that good and bad is arising from one's attachment to coffee and what is seen as good and bad and from no where else although they may be shared as such in some ideals... and yes it is compassion and empathy and acceptance that says hey I know what this feels like have some coffee and I'll accept the bad feeling that arises so we can share that pain and then as they sip that damned good coffee it gets better for them and then that's a damned good smile and poof bad has left.

Memory goes knocking door to door have you seen my bad? Stay home Halloween is over the monsters are the one's opening it now, so don;t be a monster in knocking on doors of pain... unless you want to visit it so you can understand it and not run from it so that it becomes nothing to fear... but one sip of that coffee and it was already gone so what occurred? Focus attention where ever one places awareness there it is... and knowing you can place attaention and focus where ever you want moment to moment?

Then the work we can do to give others called our life or ourself is right there. Without any illusions or delusions that that moment is not already perfect in and of itself... what we are adding to it with thought, desire or attachment... can create that bubble that is good or bad so know the intent of doing whatever and whomever it benefits, if just oneself then that is not sharing life that is robbing it, expecting that it owes you demanding something you already have thinking it arises and comes from others that sense of happiness or peace or pain etc. choice to feel whatever it is and choice to share whatever that is... but if it brings more pain why share it because misery loves company? Best to be alone and see the sources of that and resolve them instead of sharing in that case...

Cycles that's all it is things arising and passing how we see what is arising and passing IS us it can;t be anything different because they are our feelings and our responsibility for having them or not... so is in what we share or expect from others when we don't share and simply take.

So Santa Claus is dead hey job opening... be Santa Claus, and pull yourself out of the bag.

edit on 9-11-2016 by BigBrotherDarkness because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 10 2016 @ 01:16 AM

originally posted by: BigBrotherDarkness
a reply to: geezlouise

Memory goes knocking door to door have you seen my bad? Stay home Halloween is over the monsters are the one's opening it now, so don;t be a monster in knocking on doors of pain... unless you want to visit it so you can understand it and not run from it so that it becomes nothing to fear... but one sip of that coffee and it was already gone so what occurred? Focus attention where ever one places awareness there it is... and knowing you can place attaention and focus where ever you want moment to moment?

Doors of pain.. haha I'm not being miserable but, if these doors of pain are presented to you unannounced from out of nowhere.. oh and you there's no need to knock, got a key yay! Anyway coffee wears off and so will this drunk. These words of yours were good.

posted on Nov, 10 2016 @ 01:49 AM
a reply to: March of the Fire Ants

That comes from people spreading and sharing that pain unskillfully... they embraced you and infected you with it... aside from the gift of pain? It comes with the gift of empathy, so that you don't have to try to understand that pain... you know it inside and can see it outside it can't hide or have a place to dwell or be spread when faced and skillfully released in healing.

So what happens when you hide it? Lock it up? It becomes precious something to share and hurt others with which only ends up harming oneself more and more and then them doing the same unless they get free of it... we know it isn't precious it's like a shadow that follows everywhere but the sun is shinning, once clearly seen "there it is!"... when we see it being a cloud raining down on others what can we do about it? Hold the umbrella... or simply show them the strength they have to open the one they are already carrying.

The sun is always a moment away; shinning it on what needs it... puts love or acceptance there instead of casting more clouds.

edit on 10-11-2016 by BigBrotherDarkness because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 10 2016 @ 02:11 AM
Well it was always my pain to bear apparently, no comment on the skill of delivery, it's here huh. anyway. I look forward to a time when I can hold that umbrella out for someone, right now I'm too drunk for metaphors. Your posts are lovely, thank you. a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

posted on Nov, 10 2016 @ 02:54 AM
a reply to: March of the Fire Ants

Well, the face that is you is always shinning despite any mask that might want to cover it and pretend to be someone else.

We are not any experience except that arising right there and right then... so hey drunk on wine or metaphor whats the difference? Acceptance or love embraces the entire mass pain included, coping included, the appreciation for having pointed that those things are not oneself except when expressed included... not accepting the expression of pain how could one give it to another?

Youre already free of it... so why include it? Duh because it can help others going through the same thing and that's what lifts the umbrella or tips the wine glass in cheers, thanks for being you and not what tries to make you anything different even if that includes you.

posted on Nov, 21 2016 @ 01:15 PM
a reply to: geezlouise

Don't let yourself get overwhelmed and burdened by that.

Yes, you have to be mindful of what you say and to whom you say it. But contrary to what you feel the need to emphasize, those who listen to us open up the gates to healing. because acknowledgement - a face that reflects back the pain you feel, or a suite of words that contain feelings which acknowledge the suffering you've endured - is essential to the regulation of the Humans homeostasis.

We live in a supremely dissociative society - and this thread, and your making it - speaks to how you experience that. You don't need to apologize, Geezlouise. It's understandable that you like to share your story - just as I like to and every person who has ever been a human does as well. You saying "sorry" has the quality of "I feel shame for sharing my story", when there needn't be any shame for that. When shame's lesson is internalized, we have to turn ourselves into our own-best-friend, which is to say, if the shame is not serving any constructive purpose, you need to constraint and inhibit its appearance - which can only happen if you remind yourself of the facts-of-the-matter.

In short, if people do not hear you - and so, as I notice, carry out the typical dissociative routine i.e. feeling uncomfortable with your story, affectively pulling away, and indicating by their body language that you and what you told them has made them uncomfortable - all this happens not because something is wrong with (this is what your trauma reinforces: if you people do not respond the way your brain hopes, you experience yourself as a "hated object") but because your words activate unacknowledged vulnerabilities and "wounds" that the other person is not personally ready to acknowledge. Their reactions, therefore, are far more about them - and their current psychoneurological history - than you.

Trust me, with knowledge and understanding, you can grow surprisingly tolerant of other people's needs - so long as you remind yourself that unreasonable responses (such a mentioned above) are not happening because of you, but because they - the people you speak to - are not yet facing reality for what it is.

You're real, Amy. Do not apologize for knowing that about yourself. Yes, Santa isn't real. Yes, we can all know truths about one another - but their compassionate, understandable, and good truths. They help us when we trust that we are designed by nature to be caring and loving beings.

People are vulnerable, fearful, anxiety prone, and above all, do not want to reflect on themselves, because it reminds them of their situatedness as a being; even though this capacity evolved in us for just that purpose: to make coherent what we feel, and so affirm those things which support our health and well-being, this society does not make this understanding very accessible
edit on 21-11-2016 by Astrocyte because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 21 2016 @ 03:24 PM

originally posted by: Astrocyte
because acknowledgement - a face that reflects back the pain you feel, or a suite of words that contain feelings which acknowledge the suffering you've endured - is essential to the regulation of the Humans homeostasis.


Everything you said hits home as usual but I still think I should apologize for being a bit of a brat about how I thought the world should be and for judging everyone negatively. I was wrong.

I also understand that some of the stuff that I want to talk about, are about parts that we have all buried deep and stored away out of sight because for whatever reason we learned we should be ashamed about our own feelings and insecurities and wants and desires- and it's also about privacy. People really love their privacy. And if someone thinks their thoughts are private, but then they meet someone who's faced the hidden things... and reveals it in conversation? Then that threatens the persons privacy. And it makes people feel exposed.

Yes it's like our own consciousness becomes the enemy, so we dissociate to the extent where we create demons and aliens and gods to become those things inside of us that we don't want to identify with, but which is us.

I really love you.

Thank you for paying attention to me.
edit on 21-11-2016 by geezlouise because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 21 2016 @ 08:24 PM
a reply to: geezlouise

Well you definitely got the brat part right.....but I know you couldn't help it at the time. ...and you are doing much better now. ...if you start slipping I'll let you know...maybe we can get you stopped before you have to apologize so much next time. ...

posted on Nov, 22 2016 @ 12:01 AM
a reply to: HarryJoy

Yes do let me know.

A true friend doesn't let you stray too far from the path, ever. lol.

posted on Nov, 22 2016 @ 06:53 AM
a reply to: geezlouise

One told you what to do, and you grasped... you said what you felt like you were and another confirmed it.

You can be who and whatever you want to be attachment to any and all labels are optional... why sink so many hooks into the flesh of the mind to be hung up like yesterdays wash?

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