a reply to: geezlouise
Don't let yourself get overwhelmed and burdened by that.
Yes, you have to be mindful of what you say and to whom you say it. But contrary to what you feel the need to emphasize, those who listen to us
open up the gates to healing.
because acknowledgement - a face that reflects back the pain you feel, or a suite of words that contain feelings
which acknowledge the suffering you've endured - is essential to the regulation of the Humans homeostasis.
We live in a supremely dissociative society - and this thread, and your making it - speaks to how you experience that. You don't need to apologize,
Geezlouise. It's understandable that you like to share your story - just as I like to and every person who has ever been a human does as well. You
saying "sorry" has the quality of "I feel shame for sharing my story", when there needn't be any shame for that. When shame's lesson is internalized,
we have to turn ourselves into our own-best-friend, which is to say, if the shame is not serving any constructive purpose, you need to constraint and
inhibit its appearance - which can only happen if you remind yourself of the facts-of-the-matter.
In short, if people do not hear you - and so, as I notice, carry out the typical dissociative routine i.e. feeling uncomfortable with your story,
affectively pulling away, and indicating by their body language that you and what you told them has made them uncomfortable - all this happens not
because something is wrong with (this is what your trauma reinforces: if you people do not respond the way your brain hopes, you experience yourself
as a "hated object") but because your words activate unacknowledged vulnerabilities and "wounds" that the other person is not personally ready to
acknowledge. Their reactions, therefore, are far more about them - and their current psychoneurological history - than you.
Trust me, with knowledge and understanding, you can grow surprisingly tolerant of other people's needs - so long as you remind yourself that
unreasonable responses (such a mentioned above) are not happening because of you, but because they - the people you speak to - are not yet facing
reality for what it is.
You're real, Amy. Do not apologize for knowing that about yourself. Yes, Santa isn't real. Yes, we can all know truths about one another - but their
compassionate, understandable, and good truths. They help us when we trust that we are designed by nature to be caring and loving beings.
People are vulnerable, fearful, anxiety prone, and above all, do not want to reflect on themselves, because it reminds them of their situatedness as a
being; even though this capacity evolved in us for just that purpose: to make coherent what we feel, and so affirm those things which support our
health and well-being, this society does not make this understanding very accessible
edit on 21-11-2016 by Astrocyte because: (no reason