I had an epiphany, and I feel compelled to share it here.

a reply to: Nothin

I had to stop watching when he talked about the man who got patched by the CIA, and then said that the government had all kinds of technology to cure cancer and disease and etc. Lost interest at that point. But the first 30 min or so was good stuff, legit human psychology. So thank you for that.

a reply to: OneGoal

You have already given me great advice, which I think is part of the epiphany I had.

Thank you for the kind gesture.

I still might send you a message anyhow, because you've piqued my curiosity.

a reply to: geezlouise

I think the thing to take away from your experience is to not apologize to anyone, but to take it as a lesson. When you start challenging peoples perception of things they have only been taught one way people don't see it as challenging their perception they see it as challenging reality it self.

If they're really your friends they'll eventually come back around and so will your family. Just give it some time.

Just remember doughnuts are evil.

a reply to: geezlouise




They can only be guilty if they have knowledge of ongoing crimes and choose not to alert the authorities.

a reply to: geezlouise

You really do need to stop being your own worst critic, my girl.

Never apologize for being who you are (unless you're some crazed serial axe murderer)... Hold your head up high, chest puffed out, and stand your ground with pride and the vim and vigor of a viking in battle.

Wear your embarrassing moments, regrets, outbursts, arguments, and other things you'd rather sweep under the carpet as well-earned battle scars. Battle scars that teach us, remind us, and strengthen us to forge through even more battles yet to come.

As you get older, you'll come to the realization that other people's opinions of you matter none. Zip, nada. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that you love yourself enough to demand the same from everyone else around you. And those that don't, were never worth the energy in the first place (and yes this includes useless "family" members too).

Be comfortable in your own skin and everything else falls into place.




Just a teeny wee bit of advice from an old fart who's ridden the gut-wrenching rollercoaster of life more times than I care to remember.

Rawr !!

Well.....

I feel kind of like when I've been walking around, my mind completely on something other than where I'm walking, and I bump into another person and they immediately start apologizing for it like it's their fault. Even though I KNOW I wasn't paying attention and literally would never have bumped into them if I had been but they insist it's their fault.....

Anyways, I feel like I'm missing something so I'm confused as to why you're apologizing.

Unless, your epiphany was coming to the realization that everyone around you is guilty of not understanding your perception of reality? Which would be a silly thing to think because how can anyone possibly perceive their realty as you perceive yours?

Idk. Maybe you can just help me out by giving a little more detail on your said epiphany.

Regardless, do not ever feel guilty. You can only ever do so much when it comes to these things. You have done the extent of your part when it comes to the perception of THEIR reality. For you are only one set out of millions of sets eyes looking IN while they are the only set of eyes looking out.

a reply to: geezlouise

I am saying too, no need for apologies... In my mind, your openness didn't make me feel guilty...i felt empowered from reading a woman speak her thoughts and feelings so openly.
I admire your candid spunk a bunch as i am sure others do too.
It is very easy to walk through life with rose colored glasses, not realizing we are even wearing them...it is only the brave that will look in the mirror and see their reflections of life clearly...
Your a brave strong woman GL, don't apologize for that, ever.

a reply to: peppycat


I love your posts, Peppy.

a reply to: geezlouise

What I cant believe about this US election is that this one of Americas most critical elections ever.

The world is facing the most danger it has in 50-60 years.
The prospect of nuclear war is very real.
The whole free world is in danger of falling down that big dark hole of tyranny from which it would hundreds of generation or years to escape from.
Peoples rights are being taken away from them left right and centre.

This whole election is about stuff that is trivial rubbish compared to the importance of whats at stake.

All we hear is the the sexual or criminal habits of and the backgrounds of the candidates.

Americans have had one put over them again and they fell for it. I cant help but think they really are very very stupid people.

How on earth can people vote for the very person who represents an anathema to their lives, declining living standards, more and more erosion of rights, privacy, options and choices.

originally posted by: geezlouise

Because after we know about a thing we can't exactly unknow it, can we?

That is some pretty deep stuff there.

And my answer to your question is no "we" can't, but unfortunately some choose to ignore "it". Personally responsibility and empowerment are overwhelming for most people, and it's for many it's safe to stay in the "Blame others for everything mode" and "Be a victim mentality".

But what we can do is take responsibility for our own world, and empower ourselves, because even when we can't change the world, we can do our best to change our own. Everyday is a new beginning, and a start-over so make what you will of it.

I always enjoy the depth of your posts.

a reply to: Realtruth

You've got it exactly spot on as usual, and that's what I'm doing here. I'm not trying to change the world, just _my_ world... especially how I view it.

And because of you, among some others, I'm glad that I posted.

And thank you other posters for being kind enough to put time and effort into responding here. But it seems that people aren't understanding that I'm not apologizing for who I am... I'm apologizing for holding onto a negative worldview, because I was wrong. I was just stubborn about my lofty ideas of empathy, compassion, and understanding... and even courage. I think I was stubborn in my assumption that others are like me. But alas, I was wrong. And I'm just fessing up.

Well, you're getting back into yourself from all of that, that invaded it.

So lemme ask which is better? To hold onto that pain and spread it those gifts you were never asking for?

Or letting it go not holding onto it and not abusing others with it?

Sharing it may have seemed like abuse because yay now I have a target on my back some stigma or label because of things you never wanted to be a part of but found yourself there as a result of doing the best you could with what you knew.

Sure the blah what has the world done for me or given me and I deserve or I am entitled because it has been so rough or any other excuse why you should get a pass on continuing on...

well what has one given to the world in such a state? that it should or anyone feel like it or they owe you?

It was a purge and people accept that, exploit that, and do whatever it is they want to do with it... and hey let them because you're free of it the seal was cracked and broken on the tomb but you came out swinging and angry having pent so much up... it's natural

No sweat the hardest part of the fight is over but transforming that into a state of grace and courage that comes from the strength that that nonsense did not do you in can inspire others, and can allow you to give back and continue in giving back lending others your voice instead of staying silent... so they they can exhale that stale air and actually start breathing again, from being held underwater for so long.

I think the epiphany is you're wanting to equalize the yourself and the world... you expected it to be just as angry as you were it wasn't now just as guilty you're feeling because you feel you shared too much...

See the cycle yet? You know the stages of grief... you'll go through all of those in mourning the person you wanted to be in the journey of being who you already are.

Keep going it only ends when it is time too.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

You and your posts... they're almost psychic.

They're always long, and a little weird. But I get that you get it.

What's better is not to abuse others with it of course.

Even though sometimes... I did want to abuse others with it, and I have. Specially when I've been so convinced that everyone was guilty and that everyone was part of that huge betrayal- when really... I mean yes they are responsible in a sense, but now I also accept that people simply can't help themselves, just as much as I can't help myself.

Because if I thought that people were capable of doing a job but just chose not to do it, then I think I'd die angry. Cause I'd drive myself crazy over it and end up six feet under sooner than later. So I just have to let go of it all and stop judging people, and stop being so selfish, and start living for others... if I want to live longer.

Even if that means that when I give myself up to the people all they want to do is crucify me? Then fine. Crucify me. Like for real what else can I do. I can't force my will on anyone, and people will be people. Insult me. Judge me. Burn me at the stake if that's what it takes for you to feel better about yourselves... idc anymore because at least my conscience is clean.

Thank you, everything you say touches me deeply.

I love you.

a reply to: geezlouise


You seem to have a very toxic way of looking at things.

a reply to: geezlouise

.
I read your OP because I recognized your username.

We have only spoken briefly, but in that conversation you made quite the impression. You spoke simply, honestly, from the heart and with uncommen insight. You are the kind of person that brings me back to this website.

But even in that unrelated topic there seemed to be a sadness underneath your words. You spoke of how it is sometimes the people who feel broken who try hardest to find a way to grow and reframe their life. That is something that I can relate to.

And your post here seems to confirm that, indeed, you have been through some very hard things. I never saw your earlier posts that were removed. Naturally I began to speculate on what they may have been about.

But I put a stop to that.

Let's try a "reframe" here.

You may feel a lack of validation and support because your earlier, personal posts were deleted.

But the other side of the coin is that you get to make a fresh start. Each moment is a new beginning. You can be whoever you want to be; whoever you can bring yourself to be. Sure, the baggage will still come along for the ride, but you get to reconsider how you want to handle it. People will respond to what you present.

What you have presented to me has been impressive and endearing. I wish you all the best, whoever you are.
.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

Yes.

I'm basically part monster. Part human. And 100% tortured.

a reply to: geezlouise


I really don't know how to respond to that.

a reply to: cimmerius

That was maybe the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, ever. And you're absolutely right there with me... yes, the epiphany is about a new beginning. Starting over. Hitting refresh. And knowing that I have the power to do that, like it's within my control. Reframing.

Yes yes, yes. I love you.

Thank you so much, the feelings are mutual.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

It's mutual. I don't know how to respond to you not knowing how to respond. This is very awkward indeed.

lol@ATS social awkwardness.

a reply to: geezlouise


lol, well social anxiety is something I usually save for real-life encounters..... < . <

LOL

a reply to: Mousygretchen

Oh.

Is everything ok?