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I had an epiphany, and I feel compelled to share it here.

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posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 05:33 PM
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Some of you might already know it but...

It's true that I've been haunted by things.

And my fault was that I tried to share it with the world. I realize that now and I apologize. Because it's like I asked for too much. It's like I set up and framed the world to fail me, in part by holding such high standards... and also by simply sharing my burden because by sharing it I have caused the world to become guilty in the process.

Because now we all know. And guilt accompanies knowledge the same way innocence accompanies ignorance.

It's like when you get a new job and if you do something wrong you can always just say, "oh well, I didn't know that because I'm new." And you get a pass for a little while because no one expects you to know everything all at once... but after you've been informed like three hundred times and you're still playing dumb? I think then your ability to do the job at hand will be questioned... and rightly so.

And it's like I am the one that's told everyone the thing three hundred times and still, no one gets it. Everyone has failed me. So now I live in a world full of guilty people... simply because I've told them what I know.

Because after we know about a thing we can't exactly unknow it, can we? But we can play dumb in order to avert personal responsibility, surely. We can say that we didn't know, even after we have been told three hundred times. We can say that we forget everything a lot, cause we're getting old. We can say that we didn't believe it because we just couldn't... but no amount of willful ignorance can save us. We'll still suffer the consequences no matter what. Cause the truth is like gravity... it's stronger than our subjective perceptions and it'll all catch up to all of us eventually, kinda like Bernini's cracked tower.

But apparently I'm asking for too much.

And I've fought... for higher standards maybe?

But the cognitive dissonance is stronger and bigger than I ever will be. I am just one small thing and it's so big. It swallowed me whole.

And I am sure now that we were never meant to be so set apart... so alienated and ostracized. I hate being alone. But it's all my fault because I tested the world by simply sharing what I know and had I never spoken out, had I never tested my environment, then my friends and family would have remained innocent and I wouldn't be living in a world where now basically everyone has entirely betrayed me. And I know that now.

Just about everyone will choose a comfortable lie over the painful truth any day of the week because frankly, people just aren't quipped to handle the truth. And frankly neither am I. I've nearly snapped. My body literally suicided on me via the onset of an auto-immune disease... and I'm fugging broken. Despite all appearances I'm broken, and I'm lost, and just deeply and profoundly wounded. And I'm sorry guys, I'm really fugging sorry for saying it. I know that I'm going to have to start saying it less because frankly, sharing what I know with you will only just make you guilty. And I don't want you to be guilty at all... so I apologize. I'll stop it I promise.

I realize now that people have to be slipped the truth like dropping a couple of rophy's in their drinks when they're not looking; they can't know that they're being served the truth or else they'll reject it. And so... there's always art.



It's been exactly one year since I've joined and shared my tale here (my thread was promptly removed, if you remember)... and now I am apologizing for ever sharing it.

I know when I've lost... and I've lost.

And it's about accepting the reality of things most of all, instead of fighting it. It's about something being bigger and stronger than us... you can't fight it forever. Sometimes, you need to give it and yourself a rest, too. And that's where I'm at now.

I have to break free from the old paradigm where I've made everyone guilty. Because I can't live in a world where everyone is so utterly... guilty. It's bad for my health and furthermore, it's just wrong of me to do that. I'm the one at fault here, guys. Because God knows the population is increasing and amazing things are happening and knowledge is spreading and so much good stuff... that my little life with it's problems are really just microscopic in comparison. And how dare I be so judgmental anyhow.

I've learned a myriad of extremely painful lessons this past year that I've been a member of ATS, and I want to thank you all for paying attention and being part of my journey here.

I thank you.

And I'm also still sorry about everything, too.

With love,
Lou.
edit on 7-11-2016 by geezlouise because: (no reason given)




posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 05:49 PM
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So what did you figure out? All I saw was 8 paragraphs of apologizing for a post?



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 05:49 PM
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a reply to: geezlouise

Speaking for myself, you owe me no apology. Thank you for sharing your experience.



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 05:53 PM
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Well, certainly, if someone can't at least tolerate or ignore a divergent opinion, no matter how harshly they seem to be expressed, they shouldn't be on the Internet.
edit on 7-11-2016 by Blue Shift because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 05:55 PM
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a reply to: geezlouise

I am not really sure what you are talking about, but don't apologize and try to feel better.



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 05:55 PM
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a reply to: VP740

You're one of the ones I love forever.

But sharing stuff with people has only made me feel increasingly worse, I admit. And I didn't know why exactly that was happening... until the epiphany. The world was increasingly becoming overall guilty in my minds eye, simply because I was telling them stuff and they failed to receive it(not everyone, but like, 99.9%). It has changed the way I look at the world entirely.



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 05:55 PM
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I think the important thing to remember is this: You cannot help what you believe. It's your nature, your individuality, your perception.

Not everyone is going to comply with those beliefs, not everyone is going to listen to them, but you don't need to apologize for them! By sharing your experiences, you share your story and reality with the others.

You throw it out there for everyone to view, and if they accept it, then it is as well in their nature to comprehend reality in the same way. Good or bad, evil, negative, ect.. your thoughts and experiences are you, and you are part of the balance!



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 05:57 PM
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a reply to: reldra

TY.

You are coming to the NYC thing right????????




posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 06:01 PM
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a reply to: geezlouise

I feel for you Lou, I truly do. I don't, however, feel guilty. I think that there are terrible people on this earth who are responsible and should feel guilty and deserving of punishment. You, however, have done nothing (in that respect) to deserve punishment or to be ostracized. I have giant shoulders (no really they are HUGE!) and the things that you choose or have chosen in the past to share with me sit squarely and firmly there. You do not burden me with your release/posts/thoughts and ideas. It's a pressure valve, of sorts, and needs to be opened on occasion.

I think it can be very difficult for folks to relate if they've never experienced it themselves or been affected in some way. When some folks are faced with the bitter truth it can be a hard pill to swallow and may take time for it to really sink in and those closest to you whose responsibility it was to protect you are likely enveloped in guilt and remorse and may have no idea how to interact with you now. The earth has shifted for all of you and this is a new reality that may just be too much for them. You are the stronger one, remember that.

You may be a small fish in a big pond, as are all of us but, that doesn't mean how you feel be it anger disappointment confusion shame aren't important. You need loved ones to lean on and support you and I am sorry that you don't have that in your life. Not everyone is a monster, Lou. You may have to let someone in.

Sharing your burden is fine and, IMO, you need the outlet (even though this may not be the place where 'those things' are accepted as topics of conversation) and perhaps likely right. We don't know who is behind these avatars, do we? And although I believe you are an incredibly strong and courageous woman I also agree that you are broken and wounded and fear that you may could become easily manipulated and exploited. I truly wish you the best and wish there were something I could do to help you in some way, any way.

I hope my post made sense and was helpful in some way. I hope you believe I care. I hope you know that I am here if you ever need to talk. I hope you find peace and healing.

((hugs))
Much love!



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 06:01 PM
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originally posted by: geezlouise
a reply to: reldra

TY.

You are coming to the NYC thing right????????



Nope, can't afford after moving. I told AM. I really wanted to.



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 06:05 PM
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a reply to: DeadCat

Do we know each other?

You're getting it but I'm not sure if you've ever been in the kind of situation where you're like, "hey I like the color blue," and just about everyone is like, "that's crazy, you must be imagining it." So you tell them three hundred times and you break yourself bending over backwards, doing backflip cartwheels as you paint a picture, trying to prove it. But they're still like, "I don't believe you." Or something along those lines...?

People are part of our environment and how they respond to us affects us. It matters. I wish that I didn't need people in my immediate environment to like, respond a certain way to me? But I do... that doesn't mean I'll be dishonest... but I will find out what I can do to relieve the pain. So if every time I share my favorite color everyone abused me? I would learn to stop sharing. Because contrary to popular belief(jk!) I'm not a masochist and I don't want to be abused.
edit on 7-11-2016 by geezlouise because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 06:36 PM
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originally posted by: geezlouise
a reply to: DeadCat

Do we know each other?

You're getting it but I'm not sure if you've ever been in the kind of situation where you're like, "hey I like the color blue," and just about everyone is like, "that's crazy, you must be imagining it." So you tell them three hundred times and you break yourself bending over backwards, doing backflip cartwheels as you paint a picture, trying to prove it. But they're still like, "I don't believe you." Or something along those lines...?

People are part of our environment and how they respond to us affects us. It matters. I wish that I didn't need people in my immediate environment to like, respond a certain way to me? But I do... that doesn't mean I'll be dishonest... but I will find out what I can do to relieve the pain. So if every time I share my favorite color everyone abused me? I would learn to stop sharing. Because contrary to popular belief(jk!) I'm not a masochist and I don't want to be abused.


I get the same response when I try to tell people that I believe we are reading each others minds on a subconscious level. xD totally understand, although maybe not completely. It's hard to hold a wholehearted belief that those around you do not give attention to, and maybe even scrutinize. I definitely sympathize. It sometimes makes me feel alone and a little insane.

edit on 7-11-2016 by DeadCat because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 06:41 PM
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a reply to: TNMockingbird

You make a lot of sense, I love you.

But about the guilt thing (which I'm glad you don't feel guilty), it's more about how I feel about people and not how people personally feel.

In the words of a friend of mine: the world was once innocent because they did not know, and I was naive about how they would react. Now that the world knows (which is my fault) the world is guilty because now they know and they have not lived up to my naive standards, and have caused me to feel more shame (they don't accept it or understand, I am rejected and alienated, etc).

But these things are perceptions. They are my personal subjective hells and heavens... the truth, to me, is not stubborn. It can change. And I now know that I was wrong in my perception(being naive, and extra judgey and like making people guilty in my eye), and also that I can do something about it to change it. I can accept reality, shed naivety, and also change my behavior in order to stave away that dark perception.



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 06:47 PM
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a reply to: DeadCat

Yes... that aloneness is the alienation and ostracization that I'm talking about. We're not mean to be so alone.

I think we're all a little psychic, too. Connected. So you're not alone in that. I think there's just things we don't know about yet and so we can't exactly explain it (it looks like magic to us when it's really not).

We're alike.

I love you. Be my friend.




posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 06:55 PM
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a reply to: geezlouise

The best part is we aren't alone! Few in far between, perhaps, but not alone. ^-^


edit on 7-11-2016 by DeadCat because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 08:01 PM
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Be Gentle with all, including yourself.
Forgive yourself: for trying too hard to pry others' minds open.
Forgive others: for not being disposed to the info you shared.

Everyone has their own timeline, abilities, and agenda.
This vid from D-Icke is old, but it may be pertinent, in that he explains how he was ridiculed and marginalized, in the early years of his conspiracy work.

We have not exchanged much here, but as an observer: have noticed your kind heart.

Peace and Blessings.




posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 08:01 PM
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I can't say that I followed your threads but I did read one of them and know what subject you're talking about. I think the thing that would help you to remember is people can only except so much negative information and most people are already loaded to the max with negativity so there's really no more room in our minds to absorb more negative realizations.

It isn't that people did not realize the importance of that subject it's that their minds were already saturated with things to worry about.
edit on 7-11-2016 by HarryJoy because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 08:05 PM
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a reply to: geezlouise

I remember your first post. It stayed with me.

No regrets, ok?

It mattered to me, I believed you, and was impressed you had the guts to tell your story.



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 09:11 PM
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a reply to: Nothin

I'm glad you brought up forgiveness because that's essentially what this is all about.

I thought I had forgiven, but I didn't.

What had happened was... I was talking to someone about it all and I blurted out that I felt like I had to leave my family and friends in order to feel new again and move on from it because now whenever I look at them... I'm reminded of things, and I get angry at them. They had all become guilty in my eyes. But then I thought, well why is that? And part of it is the telling, but most of all... it's that I had unrealistic expectations. I will now have to do less telling, and also readjust my expectations so that they more closely match reality. And I don't have to detach from my friends and family to do all of that, either.

Thank you for the video, I will watch it.

a reply to: HarryJoy

I did write one other thread about it, which was also promptly removed, lol. I'm not mad about it, but yeah. I'm legit and also I'm a tester of boundaries and I push the envelope.

Everything you just said is gold. It's true.

I love you. You've been on my mind lately.

a reply to: MotherMayEye

Thank you for remembering me and for your kindness.

I'm glad we became ATS friends and I love you, too. I actually thought of you while I wrote this thread.

I know I throw the word love around a lot but because of the dark things that I have been haunted with, I think I need the massive amounts of good feelings to counterbalance it. And it's really how I feel about others and about my environment that counts... I need to love things. So thank you for being someone I can sometimes love.
edit on 7-11-2016 by geezlouise because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 7 2016 @ 10:04 PM
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a reply to: geezlouise

You haven't lost.

If you think everyone around you is guilty, while maintaining a sense of guilt yourself for sharing, perhaps be more selective in who you confide in, and more strategic in how you portray and express it, ranging from everything from tone, rhetoric, to timing itself.

If you'd like to pm me your story, I'd be happy to listen and give you some advice, if you so wish it.

I too, have dealt with this and continue to do so. Learning how to combat evil and balancing that with keeping a cool affect amongst others is an art form and it is entirely real.
edit on 7-11-2016 by OneGoal because: (no reason given)




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