posted on Aug, 10 2017 @ 04:13 PM
AM: What brought you to ATS?
IM: Like most of us here, I mistakenly thought it was the porn site 'Hot Slutty Grandmas'.
AM: Your favorite conspiracy?
IM: Definitely that the Freemasons are really baby-eating, Reptilian, Illuminati, Satan-worshiping, pedophiles from Niburu.
In reality, they're just a bunch of tired, harmless, fat, old, white guys, getting together once in a while in good clean camaraderie to talk sports,
reminisce about the good old days and swap war stories...while being served pizza in a cave by young boys and girls dressed in skimpy togas.
You know...Just like the Kiwanis Club.
I tell ya it's all complete BalderdashPoppycockTommyrotTomfooleryPiffleHogwashPleasedonthavemekilledBunkumHorsefeathersPrattleMonkeyshinesItoldthem
AM: PizzaGate; idiotic conspiracy theory or tasty fad?
IM: [See Above]
AM: Since we wouldn’t be able to handle the largest government conspiracy/cover up of all time tell us the 78th largest one.
IM: That would have to be that Ron Popeil was a Level 7 operative for MJ12...and Ronco Enterprises was a CIA shell company for introducing and
disseminating reverse-engineered alien technology into mainstream culture and society.
You don't think that Pocket Fisherman and 'Spray-on Hair' just 'happened', do you?
AM: Coolest thing you ever invented?
IM: Those are all confidential at this point, but I'm currently dabbling in law.
I've been tinkering with putting together a $40B class-action lawsuit against Amazon and Google, stating that the Amazon Echo and Google Home
discriminate against people with speech impediments.
AM: Since I'm sure some of our guests are a little creeped out at this point lets toss you so Softballs. Favorite TV shows?
IM: Man In The High Castle, Game of Thrones, Westworld, American Gods, Pool Kings* and Ghost Adventures.
*Interviewer's note: Talk about which of these is unlike the other.
AM: Favorite book you haven't written personally?
IM: Killer Angels.
AM: Favorite films?
IM: The Godfather, Big Kahuna and Peaceful Warrior*.
*Interviewer's note: I love the dichotomy and irony of this choice.
AM: Adult beverage of choice?
IM: Extra chilled Dry Vodka (Grey Goose) Martini (Shaken;not stirred)...Large Blue Cheese (Stilton) stuffed olives.
AM: Favorite thing to consume (besides the blood of your enemies)?
IM: Beef Stroganoff (Done right).
AM: If you could go back in time on a mission and kill one person, who would it be?
IM: Yes, definitely Buddha.
Whatever else the guy might've done with his life, it all pales by comparison to the fact that the crazy SOB created and popularized 'The Man Bun'.
I'd make it slow and painful.
AM: And finally, the person from ATS you could bring on that mission to leave them there as a scapegoat?
IM: As you know only too well, there are many other undercover operatives here on ATS.
Two, in particular, have already worked with me on several assignments...I won't give their ATS handles, but there's no problem using their Deep State
code names. Suffice it to say that I'd trust 'Caligula' and 'Sumo' with my life...They know where all the bodies are buried and the pig masks are
IAMTAT's story is as simple as his beginnings are humble.
He was born on a dirt floor, in a small one room schoolhouse in downtown Cleveland.
As a youth, he discovered his life-long fascination with small animals; how they live; how they learn,...and how long they can survive being submerged
An unfortunate series of honeymoon cruise-ship accidents has left IAMTAT a longtime widower.
Recently, he serendipitously met his eighth wife in the Subway.
It was love at first sight as she finished making his $5 Footlong...and he realized he had finally found a woman that not only knew her place, but
possessed the skills it takes to make a man truly happy.
IAMTAT lives and works in one of those weird-shaped states in the middle of the country,...where he combines his love of animals with his passion for
He is currently working to develop and market an innovative new line of spatulas for kittens.
That wraps up another installment of Softball
. After you all BleachBit your eyes and computers make sure you remember that next time you engage
our guest in a conversation that he is probably already formulated how he is going to remove your esophagus from your throat without spilling a drop
of his perfectly-chilled martini.
TAT, thanks for playing, your parting gifts today are first class roundtrip airfare tickets along with luxury hotel accommodations in Las Vegas, where
you have never been before. Not even last Monday where a guy with a hat and portly fellow on a diet didn't help you bury two showgirls in the desert.
Thank you all for tuning in. Until next time.