AM: Speaking of getting pulled over, stupidest excuse you’ve been given to get out of a ticket or being arrested?
SH: "I'm lost and I always speed when I'm lost." Never did understand that one. While less humorous, I've also had the "I have a sick whomever or some
kind of emergency going on and need to speed" card pulled on me which is pretty stupid when it's a lie, since it's pretty easy to follow up on.
AM: So how do
we get out of a ticket? Cash? Crying? Both?
SH: The usual stuff. Talk about policemen's balls and how we don't give tickets to pretty girls. If it's on YouTube it's totally going to work, for
sure. The other suggestion is to jump out of your vehicle and run towards the officer's vehicle. That pretty much always works.
AM: Thanks for the pointers. Your politics are surprisingly middle of the road. Does this mean you are really good at hiding your fascism or that you
telling us the truth?
SH: It's funny, when I take that quiz that shows you where you fall on the chart/graph thing, I'm one or two grid squares off of center and one or two
above it. I generally believe people should be left alone for the most part but I recognize that a centralized government is necessary for some
things. In my opinion, anyway. I lean right on some issues, lean left on others. That's a big reason I got out of patrol - I'd rather spend my time
dealing with "big-time" criminals than dealing with the out-of-work mom who stole formula for her new baby. Plus I can wear my Superman tights to work
now, whereas you can't when in uniform.
AM: Finish the sentence. Sheriff David Clarke is…
SH: ...a guy with sweet taste in hats. And mouthy. (That could describe your fearless interviewer as well)
AM: When you watched the Bad Boys
movies did you wish you could shoot Will Smith, Martin Lawrence or the goddamn studio for making them?
SH: Why would I do that? They're 100% accurate. Might as well have been a documentary.
Not really, of course. But no, I didn't. I've never been one of those guys that gets all worked up over stuff like that. I enjoyed both movies for
what they are: movies. While I'm not above rolling my eyes at some of the more ridiculous things we see on screen, I can still find entertainment
AM: Good point to segue into the Softball
segment. So, what is the best cop movie?
SH: Oof. That's anything but a softball question, so many of them to pick from. Denzel puts iTraining Day
on the list. End of Watch
. De Niro and Pacino made Righteous Kill
a good watch despite the movie itself not being all that amazing. Pride and Glory
with Farrell and Norton is another one that although the movie itself isn't spectacular the performances in it are amazing. Who doesn't like Clint in
? Hell, even Judge Dredd
is a good watch.
AM: Shamrock ends up on death row for all the C.I.'s he's whacked, what's his last meal?
SH: I dunno, what do you want? (Interviewer's note: This is how you turn around a question)
AM: Dunkin, Kripsy or Horton’s?
SH: Sadly I'm too far south to get Horton's but if I could, that would be my pick. Beyond that, whatever is closest is acceptable in a pinch.
AM: Favorite television show?
SH: I don't watch a ton of TV really. At least not "current" stuff. I can wear out Netflix, though. I just finished Cosmos
with Neil deGrasse
Tyson for the second time through. Parks and Recreation
(Ron Swanson is a hell of a guy), Sherlock
with Benedict Cumberbatch.
AM: Favorite book?
SH: Anything by W.E.B Griffin or Clancy. Beyond that, I can't narrow it down any further than "the Bible and my copy of the 2nd Amendment."
Some of that was a joke.
AM: Whose music do you not feel bad paying for?
SH: I can't stand bluegrass or R&B. Other than that, my playlist contains everything from the hardest of gangsta rap to dubstep to Johnny Cash to
Queen to, embracing the walking cliche again, traditional Irish stuff.
AM: Final question. Who most inspired you to become a cop, Ponch or Jon?
SH: Clarke, actually.
Shamrock will not divulge any personal details other than to say he was born "west of the Mississippi" and currently lives "east of it." In between
then and now, several relocations happened. Shammy is divorced and has custody of two male offspring, leaving him one short of a fire team, sadly.
Hobbies include but are not limited to strong pornography, Johnnie Walker (any label is fine), chess tournaments, martial arts, and various sporting
activities. Occasionally sleeping. (He left out Macing octogenarians in the eyes).
That wraps up our interview for this month, hope you enjoyed how I spoke truth to power, that fascist thug had nothing on me. But in all seriousness,
keep your hands on the wheel, don’t ever make sudden movements and make sure you keep your dog in an off-site kennel at all times.
Thanks Shamrock for playing along today, I appreciated your participation and your parting gifts this afternoon is a $3 gift card to Starbucks (which
will likely get you a ¼ cup of coffee) since we need to get you some coffee culture and a pocket Constitution so you know exactly which of our rights
you are violating. Until next time.
Heh, what’s that red dot on my chest?
edit on 6-3-2017 by AugustusMasonicus because: President, Jacygirl fan club.