Any advice on Dealing with Grief ?

a reply to: whyamIhere

I have recently gone through something that hit me hard. I'm not the most popular guy in my surroundings and so always made sure to have two furry friends (my German Sheppard) and just a few months back one of them, who lived to the ripe old age of thirteen (apparently that's good for a GS) who died in his sleep on my bedroom floor, I woke up to him and could tell instantly that he was gone, it was the worst pain I'd ever felt in my life, it was like someone had shoved a hand through the back of my chest and pulled on my heart just enough that it would stretch and strain and it held on for a good two or three weeks. I still get upset sometimes and I still have to deal with my last surviving dog, who recently had her birthday this past October where she celebrated her fourteenth year and though her hips are starting to hurt her now, she still gets around like she's ten years old but I know she's going to go and when that times comes and no matter how hard it'll be there is one place that I go to that helps, and it did help me when I lost the other GS, who was called Playboy (don't ask about the name. My sister lived with me and she picked it and I kept it don't know why lol) and I came here, ATS.

I didn't think people would like it but the caring and thoughtful response I got was incredible and really did help me get through the worst part of it. No it didn't stop the hurt and the pain, and the idea that I wouldn't see him on a daily basis or wake up to his face staring up at me from his big chair but getting to talk about it, having people respond and really seem to understand the pain helped untold.

That's the real advice I can give. ATS might be a site for conspiracies and all that but honestly I think it's more than that, I think that in some strange outside the box, sort of way it's a sort of group therapy. I couldn't thank and still cant thank the people of ATS for what they did and how they helped me through it (and will be counting on them again lol) so yh that's the advice, use ATS, talk to people around you but if like me there are few people or in some cases no one, use ATS because they really do help. Oh and one last thing, I was told something that also helped and it is that you have to let yourself grieve, don't try to hold it in, don't try to deny how much it hurts you have to grieve for the one you lost because if you don't it will eat and eat away at you.

Hope it helps.

I think the onset of cold weather can be a melancholy time. It happens every year.

For temporary relief - just go outside. Go for a walk. Staying inside is the worst. Get some sun on your face.

Do something social. Take up some activity.

Thanks

I will read all the replies when I return.

WhyamIhere:
You can even just vent here my friend. Sure we can be a bunch of jack-aces at times, but when it comes down to it, we are a pretty solid community that actually care about each other.
If your up for it, come check out a little place on ATS that a few of us call home...or shed rather...
Find : Shed 12 if you feel like talking in a little more intimate setting. Everyone there is an amazing person and willing to welcome all with open arms.

Just talking/ typing with us, may help you feel better.
Heck you can even do so in this thread, so far everyone thats popped in has been helpful,and i bet i speak for most of us when I say we are ready to listen.

a reply to: whyamIhere

To each their own - If I have a moment of depression or grief, one of the first things I will do is go out to a park where there isn't a lot of people, and just find the most isolated spot I can. Sometimes, if I'm in a really bad hole I will have an instrument (usually my violin) or a sketchbook.

I've found that writing also helps - Several of my tome poems were done in such a state.

Hang in there.

-foss

a reply to: whyamIhere

I think we're all kind of equal on that plane , another strangers compassion , was the best advice for me .

I recommend the Bible especially the Psalms and the Gospels. If you don't care for reading you could listen to an audio version. Here's a good link to listen as read by Alexander Scourby

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Getting outside in nature is good as well. Also keeping oneself occupied in some sort of task whether menial labor or some type of leisure activity.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

Hunker down, steel yourself, try to process things in small steps. If that's too much, then go smaller. Smaller...smaller... until you are processing it at whatever pace you can no matter how slow.

Your grief is normal, no matter the intensity, no matter what. Grief is probably... the most normal thing I can think of. Remind yourself that this too shall pass, frequently. Believe it, even just a little.

The best thing that has worked for my grief is time.

And for depression,
1. Own it, accept it, it is part of who you are now. If you dwell on it or don't believe that you're depressed, or fight with it, it will win. Once you accept it, then you have the upper hand, at this point you can now do your best to learn how to live you life with it. It took me a while to get to the point that I was a person living with depression, but not a depressed person, there's a big difference.

2. Hobbies and distractions are the key to success. In my case, wood working, metalworking, and my newest distraction, vivarium building. Anything creative that you can get lost into and will refocus your mind.

3. Music, music, music and more music! The louder the better. My antidepressant is from a company in Chicago, a blues guitarist named BUDDY motherf**king GUY. Buddy Guy's music has helped me through some of my darkest days. Listen to the way his feelings and soul pour out of that guitar. Hearing him play makes forget that I'm depressed and gives you a much needed break fom your mind.

a reply to: whyamIhere

Therapy does help but what if you cannot pay for it, then what? Sure there are SOME free clinics, all located in metropolitan cities.... and again the free treatment versus paid treatment ? Try both and then compare.

Most people like to do things "The Hard Way" even though they do not want too? Are you one of these people? Why IMO I think it has to do with DOUBT and/or unbelief...... It is easier to not believe in something than to believe.... it's easier...

In order to truly believe, one must learn to defend....

I was able to remove decades of depression through spiritual prayer and worship years ago. I felt it as it left. I decided to ignore the world snd live in the spirit and for me it helped..... it was not overnight .... it took about one month and it is gone today....

Some people LOVE to worry about their personal lives and money..... if you can learn to let go and live one day at a time, learn that NOTHING on this planet can program how to feel you unless you allow it.

Right now ...... I want you stand up and walk to a mirror and look at yourself until you smile. Work out your problems BUT do NOT let them control you. By doing so you will weaken any negative feelings and continuing to do so and it will leave. Depression is often a spiritual issue and negative spirits, As they turn up the torment..... just smile and laugh.... it pisses them off to no end and then they give up and walk away BUT they will return from time to time to see if you changed back into your ole self....

Remember this...... This life is a test.... it will test your character, your personality, your beliefs, your fears, etc..... How are you doing so far with this? If you are failing ..... well that is exactly what this world and its government wants.... weak minded adults.

There is a war for your soul .... as it is for everyone else..... Let someone else fight your spiritual wars..... like your creator.... he will fight for you. He knows you BUT do you know him? Will you ALLOW him to fight for you?

You were not given a spirit of fear or a spirit of depression so do NOT let it control you.... you control it and in 21 days or less you will see a change.... I bet your family and friends will see it too.

You have free will..... use it to control your inner and outer feelings. Controlling one's emotions is one of the hardest things to do! It takes training, paitence, knowledge and most of all.... love.

Good luck and God bless you.

a reply to: whyamIhere

I was raised depression is weakness.

I got diagnosed as depressed at 26 and was truly gutted that I wasn't strong enough. Men don't get depression, right? It was embarrassing and proof that men are strangers to their own feelings and thoughts. I actually went to the doctors because I thought I was allergic to something or lacking vitamins.

It's something that comes round and around and I fight through it. Every bout since then has gotten progressively worse until last autumn when I gave up and was done.

Somebody saved me one Sunday in December.

The moral here is that depression is powerful and isolating. If you're anything like me, most people won't know about it. Male pride and not wanting to worry people. The blunt fact is nobody has ever survived depression alone - it's not possible. Trust me, I've researched it and know it inside and out. It's a great killer - a disease.

Some find escape in yoga, meditation and prayer, but it's not for me. Don't like group hugs either so you're not alone on that one. Positive thinking is kinda hoakum when the brain that's in charge of the thinking isn't functioning correctly.

Spend time with people. Ask for help when it's bad. Be aware that this life here and now might be the only one that anyone in the universe is getting. Exercise and company are all I can personally recommend. That and the reassurance that it passes.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you find your peace

a reply to: whyamIhere

First, it is important to remember that there is a difference between depression, and being depressed.

Being depressed has a logical track from cause to effect, and is ordinarily active in a period immediately after a given event or causative moment in life, for a period after that event. How quickly it ends is rather more to do with nurture than nature in my experience. For example, losing a friend or loved one can make a person depressed, and that is entirely normal. It can be said, in fact, that not feeling depressed by such circumstances is a sign of something very much amiss.

However, depression is not the same thing. Depression is a state of mind which cannot be entirely tied to a given event or motivating factor, and yet saps the strength as if something devastating had JUST happened, but lasts for years and years and years. Sometimes it may be active in your mind, but not come out until much later than it began, making it near impossible to locate the particular event or moment that is responsible for the state of mind. Sometimes, there simply IS no reason. An awful lot depends on the particular neurological and neurophysical circumstances you find yourself in. Head trauma can play into it, physical trauma besides, chronic pain can be a factor, it is a very complicated situation to be in, which is why that what worked for one person, will probably not work for you, even if the initiators are similar.

That is why getting professional assistance is helpful for many who suffer from actual depression.

Now me, luckily, I have only ever been depressed when there has been an absolutely immediate cause, either something missing that I once had, or a lack of something that I never had at all, or bereavement of some sort. Up until recently that is. When I can get things at work stable enough that I can afford regular time off, I will be going to find someone to help me work things out, because this is different to all the mess I have survived up until this point. It feels different, its lasted too long to be connected purely to what began it, and is therefore a different beast than I have personally dealt with before. But I can tell you this for certain, and that is that what works for me, will be different than what works for you, because we are different people, with different minds. You cannot fix a Toyota with the same parts and gear that you fix a Mercedes with.

a reply to: whyamIhere
How are you now? I hope you're doing well.

This might sound weird but get a dog. Believe me, they do help.