It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

Help ATS via PayPal:
learn more

Is it cheating?

page: 3
21
<< 1  2    4  5  6 >>

log in

join
share:

posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:23 PM
link   


I was searching for an email we sent to a vendor when I found an email
a reply to: Assassin82

You just "stumbled" on a porn clip that was suggestive of the dynamic between her and her bos??!!

Imagine what else you just might "stumble upon".

Heres my advice. Get off her back about the subject to her face, but keep your feelers out for anything that you might suspect to be cheating. I don't know the whole story, but that sounds like crap.

That's an abuse of power, bar none.




posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:35 PM
link   

originally posted by: WakeUpBeer
Sending the boss that niche of porn says a lot.


Yes, especially since 'homework' is assigned based on the skills students have been working on in class. (I mean, if you're gonna follow the analogy, that's the implication.)

Sorry OP. It just doesn't look good from where I'm standing.
edit on 10/26/2016 by new_here because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:35 PM
link   
a reply to: JinMI

and what you should understand is that if she tolerates ANY sexual harassment from her boss that at a later date if she does turn him down for real sex,and gets fired, and THEN files a sexual harassment complaint, NOBODY is going to take her seriously.
Here`s what happens,she turns him down for sex, he fires her for "incompetence" she files a sexual harassment complaint, the boss turns over all the E-mails where she is a willing participant in the flirting, and it`s only after she gets fired for incompentence that she files the sexual harassment complaint. conclusion: she was fired for incompetence and is just trying to retailiate against him for firing her, since she was a willing participant in the "flirting",for how many months or years?
At this point she only has 2 choices,quit her job now or continue working for him until she has unwanted sex with him.

she should have put a stop to it from day one, if he is the kind of boss that will fire her for not flirting with him than he`s the kind of boss that will fire her for not having sex with him.she would be better off getting fired on the first day for not flirting with him than to get fired months or years later for not having sex with him and putting up with the harassment for months and years.


edit on 26-10-2016 by Tardacus because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:37 PM
link   
a reply to: Assassin82

homework assignment that's porn and she didn't inform you
you had to find it and ask....

come on guy...
your being played

if your female boss sent you porn would you tell your girlfriend immediately ?
if you really loved her you would

she didn't inform you herself
that alone should wake you up



I have no information beyond that.

Ridiculous . if she loves you she would have told you everything
from the start
common human decency



posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:40 PM
link   
a reply to: Tardacus

and what you should understand is that if she tolerates ANY sexual harassment from her boss that at a later date if she does turn him down for real sex,and gets fired, and THEN files a sexual harassment complaint, NOBODY is going to take her seriously.


Why? Sexual Harassment is still against the law.

If you and a partner get hot and heavy right up to the point of penetration but one of you declines and the other disregards your stance, is it not rape?

I see the argument your proposing but like I said, with one side of the story, it's a leap.



posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:50 PM
link   
I wouldn't trust a thing she says without seeing the IM log. She already proved herself untrustworthy with the response.

The other angle you need to be aware of is the reverse sexual harassment suit that could be filed as soon as he gets wind that his career will be in jeopardy, so I would get the logs carefully, like don't involve the guy in the process.
All he needs is the email SHE sent him to press charges. No Bueno.

Also, personal safety issues that may arise if the guy is psycho, and will protect his legacy or image, I would be damn sure she is telling the truth before proceeding.

I would stay positive, but skeptical, I wouldn't murder any one yet, she may be conducting some wacked-out Vogue Magazine pre-wedding temperament test on you.

Good luck dude




edit on 10 by Mandroid7 because: typo



posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:53 PM
link   
I am leaning towards it being a bit of both. Like I said...a grey area. I have no doubts this guy has sexually harassed her. But I also believe she should have stopped it sooner. And she should have told me about it. And...as much as it hurts, I believe she got a little kick out of it the attention.

But, I am confident she didn't have physical contact. And I am hopeful and inclined to believe she wouldn't have. I see remorse in her eyes. Would it have been there if I didn't confront her? Would she have ever told me about it if I didn't find it first? No way of knowing.

I see about the same 50/50 split in the responses here as what I have in my head. It's kind of reassuring in a way...tells me that I'm not wrong to be torn. So thank you all for taking the time.

Going forward, I'm going to stand by her through her work process and support her because if this is a product of sexual harassment and not infidelity, then that's the right thing to do and we'all Coke out of this ok. If it's cheating with lustful intent, then I hope she'll come clean or I'll find out as the internal investigation unfolds. Or I'm a gullible yuppie setting myself up for more heartbreak. I guess time will tell.



posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:53 PM
link   
a reply to: JinMI

if you`re a willing participant then it isn`t sexual harassment. and so far she is a willing participant she can`t,at a later date, retroactivily claim sexual harassment for something she was willingly participating in,just because she decides that she doesn`t want to participate in it anymore.




edit on 26-10-2016 by Tardacus because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:54 PM
link   
a reply to: Assassin82

If your fiance and her boss are sending emails back and forth to each other about "homework assignments" in relation to pornographic boss/secretary videos, then all logic says she's probably having sex with her boss. Further, she admits that sometimes she flirts back with him. In my entire life of experience with women, when you find out about something they've been hiding and then they admit to some tiny little thing like "Oh yeah we were emailing each other but I only flirted back with him a couple times because he's the boss etc etc", it's generally only one tiny part of a much larger picture. There's a phrase "The most effective lie is one told between two truths".
Come on man, I think you already know. Faithful women don't send sexual emails back and forth with their bosses. If she's doing it now she'll be doing it while you're married.



posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:56 PM
link   
a reply to: Assassin82


Conduct your own investigation on the DL bro..You need to learn the truth, if there is anything more to it. It either has to stop, or it will end badly, you know that.



posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:57 PM
link   
a reply to: trollz

good point, she`s only going to admit to what she has been caught doing.



posted on Oct, 26 2016 @ 11:58 PM
link   
a reply to: trollz


Not to mention, the possibility that she is using low self esteem as an excuse.



posted on Oct, 27 2016 @ 12:00 AM
link   
a reply to: Assassin82




I'm a gullible yuppie setting myself up for more heartbreak

not to be mean
yer it looks like that



And...as much as it hurts, I believe she got a little kick out of it the attention.

and you want to marry someone like that ?

if you get hurt in future
you will have no one to blame
but yourself

i feel for ya but you ain't making it easy for yourself



posted on Oct, 27 2016 @ 12:02 AM
link   
ask her to quit that job, if she says no well at least you`ll know that she is the kind of person that will allow herself to be sexually harassed for money (a job), that`s the kind of person you will be marrying and she won`t change till death do you part, so get used to it.



posted on Oct, 27 2016 @ 12:08 AM
link   
Maybe you should show the "porno homework assignment" to the boss's wife....and get her opinion ...see what she has to say about her husband sending pornos to his employees. ... .......but from my point of view it is not physical cheating, but mental cheating . And mental cheating leads to physical , as the boss will eventually make stronger advances to her ....because he wants her. .... Neither form of cheating are good , and neither makes for a strong foundation in any relationship. She is causing you mental abuse and stress ....she needs to realize this, as you should be her focus , and not another man.....and if she's not willing to stand up for herself, she needs to stand up for you as her significant other, and tell the boss NO .



posted on Oct, 27 2016 @ 12:35 AM
link   

originally posted by: cynicalheathen
The warning flags are there.

Use your best judgment, but don't be surprised when more comes of this later...

In my experience, affairs tend to start off in the emotional and mental realms for women. We men are so much more primitive in our needs...

I'd be highly pissed in your shoes and would likely be at least in contact with a divorce attorney. ( I'm married )

Best of luck.


I am on my second marriage (and boy let me tell you, in 7 years we have seen and been through a lot. we only recently got married) and I have to agree with this post. This is always how it starts. If she was really being true she would have shown you the email. once it moves from commentary to something like this... well... next step is not good.

me and my xwife are great friends now. we have a son together. she and my current wife are friends too ( i know this sounds weird) but all of this took about 12 years to go from "god i want to die, please let me just die already" to what it is today. it doesn't matter where she works. It doesn't matter who he is. It doesn't matter how the situation may be "sticky"

a porn site insinuating sex in the work place today, sex in the work place tomorrow.

The line has already been crossed. I am sorry friend. I went through 3 years of divorce/interstate custody battle. It ruined my life and it ruined my xwife's life. and it took almost a decade for everything to "level out" and for me to not only find who I AM again but for my x to learn as well.

Me and my current wife are very happy. i purposely put off marriage to her to make sure the crucible of life got to full temp. There were hardships, breakups, horrible fights. Man.. went through it all. I can't pretend to know the totality of your situation, but as Kosmicjack and encryptor have said.. the deed is done.

sure she felt guilty enough and cared enough to tell you SOME of the truth. Then it was up to you to stumble upon the rest. it sucks, it sucks real bad. But you don't have that type of correspondence unless you're already standing at the edge of that cliff.

It is not difficult to see the ravine. It is difficult to deny basic human emotion/tendencies.

They are right my brother. Do not fool yourself. She told you what she did out of guilt and to have peace of mind to be able to continue on under cover. sexual harassment in the workplace is not a hard card to throw. now you have evidence. Make her take the emails to HIS superior. If she wont.. run as fast as you can. Or take it to his supervisor yourself and see what kind of #$%# storm follows.

Life is choice. She made her choice. Best case scenario... she chose her career over you and a family.


edit on 27-10-2016 by akira131 because: proof read... must remember to proof read >. extra DIV



posted on Oct, 27 2016 @ 12:48 AM
link   
Cheating in my book.

Intimate communications, fantasy role play, sharing of pornographic material. It's sexual contact to me.

Add the fact that you weren't told until she was caught. That's not being honest, it's being busted.

Someone's been gratified, and it wasn't you.

Sexual liaisons behind your back? That's cheating mate, whether physical or online.

That being said, there's still no reason it can't be fixed, in time.



posted on Oct, 27 2016 @ 12:50 AM
link   

originally posted by: SlowNail
Cheating in my book.

Intimate communications, fantasy role play, sharing of pornographic material. It's sexual contact to me.

Add the fact that you weren't told until she was caught. That's not being honest, it's being busted.

Someone's been gratified, and it wasn't you.

Sexual liaisons behind your back? That's cheating mate, whether physical or online.

That being said, there's still no reason it can't be fixed, in time.


lots of time. and Proof it has been dealt with in the work place. physical proof. just as you have proof of the online sexual fantasies.


Having the email is more than enough for proving a terminating offense. Unless there are more emails from non work addresses proving consent. then............ can-o-worms.
edit on 27-10-2016 by akira131 because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 27 2016 @ 01:06 AM
link   
a reply to: Meldionne1

that sounds good, if you are into revenge and ruining a second family. This sort of thing only works in one's head. eye for an eye. It will make the situation worse. I've done it. It originated in the workplace and can be dealt with in the setting for which it was spawned. If he sent it from a work email he is fired.

If they are corresponding through personal emails........ then that shows both had enough sense to give each other their personal email addresses in which case..... dunno what else to say.

The fact that post got so many stars just goes to show how few people have actually been in the situation.


edit on 27-10-2016 by akira131 because: :'(



posted on Oct, 27 2016 @ 01:17 AM
link   
No she did not cheat.
She's about to though if this boss keeps after her.
She seems weak and might not be able to say no to him.
Why didn't she delete the email if she knew you might find it?

He is sexually harassing her by the sounds of it.
Or she wanted you to find it as a hint she has other admirers. To keep,you on your toes or warning you she might. So in a way she's wrong and has hurt you and might hurt you further with this

I don't know really, but so far it's not cheating.

Having said this though. My ex used to say it wasn't me it was her flirting with me and he seemed to be entertained I found things , he made no effort to hide. Later on I found out he what a cheating scumbag he was.




top topics



 
21
<< 1  2    4  5  6 >>

log in

join