Is it cheating?

a reply to: JinMI
well we do know that she is willing to be sexually harassed to keep her job, so I`m guessing that her self esteem is so low that she would also tolerate having unwanted sex with the boss to keep her job too.

a reply to: JinMI

Emotional cheating can be just as damaging to both men and women.

I'm not into games and the op should use his intuition imo on this one.

a reply to: Assassin82

It's a real problem. It's happened to me several times. Once I even used it to my advantage, but - I have always immediately looped in my SO. Full disclosure, especially and particularly because it was attention not sought and not wanted and it could always go sideways when a paycheck is involved.

originally posted by: Tardacus
a reply to: JinMI
well we do know that she is willing to be sexually harassed to keep her job, so I`m guessing that her self esteem is so low that she would also tolerate having unwanted sex with the boss to keep her job too.

Yeah and if they marry, it might just be their boss' kid he'll be forced to raise.

This whole thing to me says 'red flag' alert!

a reply to: Tardacus

Women have different "tolerances" for sexual harassment.

In the ladies defense there is zero evidence to support her having sex to keep her job.

Gross.

a reply to: Encryptor

Sure, I can agree with that. Peoples vested interest to flirting can be dynamic however.

a reply to: Assassin82

Well, you did answer your own question in the OP. You said you consider it cheating. The only real question that lingers for you is - Can you forgive her?

a reply to: Assassin82

She already told you she has flirted back on occasion probably for job security. She didn't hide it. She didn;t lie.

I would say it isn't cheating.

The "homework assignment" was given to her from him. I don't fully know what the conversation was that led to this. But the task was to specifically pick one out and send it to him

originally posted by: kosmicjack
a reply to: Assassin82

Well, you did answer your own question in the OP. You said you consider it cheating. The only real question that lingers for you is - Can you forgive her?

I consider it, but I'm also willing to have an open mind about the whole situation.

originally posted by: ganjoa
I think not. Worst could be a lack of openness in communication, but it seems that she didn't attach much importance to these events and as such, not worthy of mention. I would assume your conversation included expectations regarding future communications of a similar nature.

ganjoa

Correct.

The email was part of a "homework assignment" he gave her. It included a link to a pornsite with a video of a Boss/Secretary scenario. It was personal. It was done with intent. I consider it cheating.

Can you clarify this process a bit?

-you saw an email that stated the homework assignment is this, she complied and returned a link

-or you saw an email she sent with link and she stated it was an assignment?

a reply to: Assassin82

IMO that's too far, and I'm fairly liberal and open when it comes to sexuality.

I mean her boss, asked her to go home and find a very specific sexual scenario that applied to their direct relationship.

The question still remains, does she see it for what it is? Does she see it as ok? Or is something more malevolent starting to take place.

Your feelings also need to be considered here. Would she be ok with you sending explicit materials to someone of the opposite sex?

a reply to: JinMI

hahahah, she is worried about losing her job if she doesn`t let him sexually harass her, so I seriously doubt that she will think her job is safe if she turns him down for real sex.
maybe that is the way women think but I`ll tell you this,he will be whole lot more pissed off and try to get her fired if she flirts with him and then turns him down for real sex, than if she had just put a stop to the flirting from the start.

Take your chances when you get'em.
It's better to regret things you have done than things you haven't.

a reply to: Tardacus

I think you should understand that different women will tolerate different amounts of harassment. What you see as a big deal others may not. Due to the fact that we have one side of the story, massive conclusions shouldn't be jumped to.

originally posted by: Mandroid7

The email was part of a "homework assignment" he gave her. It included a link to a pornsite with a video of a Boss/Secretary scenario. It was personal. It was done with intent. I consider it cheating.

Can you clarify this process a bit?

-you saw an email that stated the homework assignment is this, she complied and returned a link

-or you saw an email she sent with link and she stated it was an assignment?

The email I saw, was only from her. I also have his reply to her. I made sure to send myself copies.

It was titled "homework". She said the IM he sent her that it was a homework assignment. I have no information beyond that. I told her that if she's going to file a formal complaint and she's honest about it being harassment then she needs the IT folks to get the transcripts of those IM's

If they worked for me they would both be investigated and most likely dismissed.

Sending porn (even if its not about about a boss secretary situation) to a colleague is a instant dismissal.

Being sexually liberal minded is fine, but the work place isn't the place to discuss or act out sexual liberalness.

Yes she is cheating.

a reply to: skunkape23

exactly!, a wise man once said " regret for things we have done is tempered by time, it is regret for things we did not do that is inconsolable.
point is if he doesn`t do anything to stop this right now before it becomes full out cheating he will regret it for the rest of his life and that regret will be inconsolable.