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originally posted by: tetra50
Daily, I look for kindness, and can't find it anywhere. I look for a lack of disingenuousness, and can't find it. I look for compassion, and can't seem to find that, either.
I haven't the words or the energy to describe to you all the factors in my life which contribute to my understanding how you feel, so I'm asking you just to trust me when I say...
...I do understand, and I can honestly tell you that I really, truly, feel exactly the same way - I see the same societal problems exactly as you see them and am experiencing the same kind of struggle.
And I know exactly what it's like to be stuck living as a 'version' of 'you' that isn't anything like who you truly 'are'.
I don't really have anything in the way of "hope" to offer, but maybe the perspective I'm going to share will be some small help:
I've always loved reading and movies, but over the last few years I've realized that what lies behind my enjoyment of those things is actually a deep appreciation of 'story' - not necessarily in the sense of 'fiction' per se (not stor'ies'), but in a much broader, sort of mythopoeic sense...
...it's difficult to explain, but I've also experienced a lot of synchronicity which seemed to be 'telling me' to consider the concept of 'story' as an important aspect of - well - what it 'means' to be human, is the only way I can think to put it.
(There's a great movie, "Lady in the Water" which was one of many helpful 'sources' of my conceptualizing of the idea)
The point of the above is to say that what has helped me at times in my 'struggling', is to shift my perspective of my life in such a way as to look at it in terms of 'story' - not like 'a' story, mind you, but in the larger sense of that word...
...i.e. the themes, archetypes represented, etc. (and not 'the world's story', but your own)
I'm doing a terrible job of explaining this, I hope it's not entirely incomprehensible..
So, here's the main thing:
Don't ever let anyone else dictate to you what 'your' story 'is' - no matter what outer circumstances you may be 'stuck with' as your 'life' -
- your 'story' belongs to you, and while you may have no control over particular 'plot' details - you are the main character, and you decide what your story is truly 'about' and all that is meaningful about it..
Now, look up there at the part of your OP that I quoted, and then read the following:
All those things you "look for" daily? I look for those things to, and I'll tell you right now one place at least that 'you' can find them -
- in the mirror...
...you see, they are part of your character description - part of the beautiful story that is 'you'..
originally posted by: tetra50
I will be having neck surgery soon, after a car wreck last September. I wouldn't even consider it, if it weren't for three surgical opinions that I have six months, approx., and then will begin to suffer some paralysis, as a result. This will be my fourth spinal surgery, and I will be 55 in a few short days. My last surgery in 1995, resulted in three cardiac arrests.
I am no ninny.....LOL. But I am considerably concerned these days, but the paralysis warnings have begun to become true, in my feet and legs, and lack of response and physical feeling and reaction.
I am asking for prayers, and good thoughts. I will send them your way, too. All you need do is ask, and tell.....
I am always here with an open mind and heart. Good things for all of us, and the future.