The struggle for everyday existence

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. A shocking number of people are just one crisis away from losing everything. I think about this stuff a lot, especially since I have been fortunate enough to make it this far with only a little help from friends and family, with relatively few crises to speak of (one major one, but no need to go into detail). I think the reason we all have a harder time finding happiness and meaning is that as society has progressed, we have lost a sense of community. I think the best way to make the world a better place is to say hi to your neighbors and make them into friends, or to join local groups in the community. I'm sure there are a lot of people involved in local horse fairs that might be a good start. When in the darkness you find you have no support, that is a call to be there for someone else, so they never have to feel so alone. I hope this helps. If not, then learn from my one crisis, and hug the person in the world that you love most.

You've been through a lot. My sympathies for the loss of your friend. It's hard enough going through all the things you've gone through and are still going through and to lose a friend on top of it all is very sad. There is always hope, even if it is but a dim light in the darkness at this time. It is there.

Though there is much to be desired in this chaotic and crazy world, there are still good people and good things here. You will see the kindness of your ATS family shine through the pages of your thread with much love, kindness and compassion. Hold on, your story is still unfolding and there could be great things ahead for you.

I have been in a car accident and was hit as a pedestrian. I had to get a lawyer and won my case years ago out of court. I live in chronic pain from that and other health issues and do not feel guilty for having to fight for compensation. I have been through many awful things in life and know how difficult it can be to sometimes face the day. You are not alone tetra. There are so many members suffering through one thing or another right now. We are here for you.

a reply to: Serdgiam

That's so supportive, Serdigiam, I don't know quite how to respond. You know I had two huge dogs, rescues, for 17 years, and lost them both in the last six months. Though I've still got my Corgi dog, I think about these two dogs everyday.....just as I think about the horses I lost during Hurricane Katrina. I've spent the better part of my life rescuing animals, as I see them as helpless, defenseless, and they offer so much to us humans to keep us in touch with the better part of our humanity.

Thanks for reading and replying.
tetra

a reply to: tetra50

So sorry that you are going through all of this, it's terrible. It's good to get it out, and you are definitely not whining.

In 2006, a friend of mine was murdered, I'll be honest, you never get over it, but it does get easier. I think about him all the time and try not to think about how violently his life ended, but rather what a good friend and father he was. His daughter was robbed. It's so tough and I'm so sorry that you lost your friend that way.

Going through all those documents today brought it all back, viciously. And it reaffirmed for me why I've never really recovered emotionally, no matter how hard I tried to recover physically. It takes a piece of you that you can't get back.

This hit hard, because sometimes it does take a piece of you. I felt exactly like this, still do a little bit, (lots of medical conditions) but while I may not get that part back, I will overcome this, and learn much more about myself.

Currently in the hospital, had a hip replacement on Oct 5th, the incision opened, and became infected. Today they pulled it out an put a new one it. This is the third surgery this month. It's rough, but there has to be a reason that this is happening, some life lesson to learn. That's what helps me through it.

Daily, I look for kindness, and can't find it anywhere. I look for a lack of disingenuousness, and can't find it. I look for compassion, and can't seem to find that, either.

I open the door for people, say hello to my neighbors, smile at people in the stores, just small little acts of kindness. It may not mean much, but it helps to know that I'm trying to be a good, kind and compassionate. Spent way too long wrapped up with resentments for the way my life turned out, it did nothing but escalate and create more problems.

Best of luck to you, and please don't lose yourself.

originally posted by: underwerks
a reply to: tetra50
As long as compassion and kindness have a place inside you, they're never gone. Even if its hard to see in others at the moment.

Sending good vibes your way.

Thanks so much for those good vibes, underwerks. And thanks for helping me keep the faith alive.
tetra

a reply to: lostgirl

I don't even know what to say for your kind words, lost girl. I was just telling my daughter that I felt a lack of boundaries was important, if only to exemplify what it is you wish more of in the world and in humanity. Even if we don't get what we give, there is something genuine in that sacrifice.....

Showing me that it exists within me, what I'm looking for in others and not finding, is surely the best thing anyone has ever said to me.

May we survive our struggles, retain our integrity and provide hope for all humanity in doing so.
Love you much, lost girl.
tetra

a reply to: tetra50

Going through all those documents today brought it all back, viciously. And it reaffirmed for me why I've never really recovered emotionally, no matter how hard I tried to recover physically. It takes a piece of you that you can't get back.

I'm glad Jenny quoted this from you. For me, I used to be the type that would bounce back from anything. I think after a long time period of going through so much, it's like you feel as though you've been through too much for too long. It does change you and there are parts of yourself you may never get back, but you will get through somehow. I wish you courage and strength. I wish you peace and love.

originally posted by: anotheramethyst
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. A shocking number of people are just one crisis away from losing everything. I think about this stuff a lot, especially since I have been fortunate enough to make it this far with only a little help from friends and family, with relatively few crises to speak of (one major one, but no need to go into detail). I think the reason we all have a harder time finding happiness and meaning is that as society has progressed, we have lost a sense of community. I think the best way to make the world a better place is to say hi to your neighbors and make them into friends, or to join local groups in the community. I'm sure there are a lot of people involved in local horse fairs that might be a good start. When in the darkness you find you have no support, that is a call to be there for someone else, so they never have to feel so alone. I hope this helps. If not, then learn from my one crisis, and hug the person in the world that you love most.

Thanks for that, anotheramethyst. Ironically, even though my relationship with my daughter is contentious at the moment (she can't understand her mom's viewpoint and why I can't "get my sh$t together. It's hard when the person you care about the most, that you would take a bullet for, doesn't respect you, understand who you are, or provide any compassion. But I hugged her anyway, cause I love her regardless. And there's a big difference in the evolution of your humanity at 27, then at 55.... But no matter her cynicism, lack of respect or argumentativeness, I will always hug and love her.....
take care
tetra

a reply to: tetra50

May we survive our struggles, retain our integrity and provide hope for all humanity in doing so.

I think you would love this thread if you haven't seen it already, made by our lovely member AboveBoard.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

a reply to: Night Star

Night Star, I can always count on you for compassion and understanding, and most importantly, hope. Thanks for reading and your supportive reply. It affirms why I bother to turn to this place when I have no one else to turn to. Thanks for being my friend. You are a wonderful soul, and a light in the world.
tetra

a reply to: Jennyfrenzy

Hey Jennyfrenzy: you've been through quite a lot, too. My sympathies and hope for your speedy recovery, and lack of pain. Your advice: "Don't lose yourself," hit a nerve. That's why I wrote the thread. I am in danger, daily, of doing just that, recognize it, and would do almost anything to stop it. Stories like yours, and your perseverence through horrible odds and situations truly help me, and I hope others suffering similarly, really make a difference.

Hang in there through these physical battles. I clearly see that you understand that even if you overcome the physical battle of your body, there is an inevitable toll on your psyche. I was just trying to explain that to my daughter: I can intellectually understand something in a perfectly logical way. But that doesn't mean I can apply it to my emotional psyche. That takes fortitude, work, and constant struggle....to keep searching for the good, what's worthy about continuing to struggle to live....and you nailed it. Thanks for your post. And keep the faith, just as you encouraged me to do.
tetra

a reply to: tetra50

Once you find what you're struggling for the struggle itself becomes worthwhile. But it is on you to find what you're struggling for. Maybe that is the greatest struggle.

a reply to: Night Star

The reason I spoke of kindness and compassion, NightStar, and experiencing so little of it, seeing such a disconnection in social situations.....(out on the street, how many people do you see glued to their cell phones, with no situational awareness or regard for the folks right in front of them?) is because I think we're losing our connection to one another and our humanity. And in doing so, we are forfeiting our souls and innate humanity, the qualities that define the best in us...

Since a long time, even before Hurricane Katrina which was bad enough, outside during the storm watching my horses standing in flooded stalls and being helpless, and then the death toll, knowing after seven days that people trapped in their attics were dying from dehydration.....I even feel guilty for rescuing horses, but unable to help those people....
But long before that, It's as though my entire life has been that hurricane of concurrent crises, and no matter how I try, I can't seem to get into a situation where battling all of that isn't necessary any longer.

I wish you just what you have wished for me. And would always be here for you, in any way I could help.
tetra

double post

double post

originally posted by: LesMisanthrope
a reply to: tetra50

Once you find what you're struggling for the struggle itself becomes worthwhile. But it is on you to find what you're struggling for. Maybe that is the greatest struggle.

Ah, LesMisanthrope: I can always count on you for the intellectual end of the spectrum. In many ways I totally agree with your philosophy. The struggle to maintain your integrity, your beliefs, your wanting to believe the best in mankind exhibited in kindness, compassion, and thoughtfulness for your fellow human, despite whatever you or they are experiencing, is, indeed, a struggle that is worthwhile, as its self affirming and defines the best qualities of humanity, I feel.

As for it being on you to find what you are struggling for: I lack no understanding of my struggle. My OP isn't asking why I am so plagued. It simply states the facts of the matter without questioning "why me," or "why now," or even "why" at all. It's a simple rundown of how difficult it can be to continue to get out of bed, much less get some sleep, when you are suffering emotionally and physically. I fully recognize that I am not alone in this. I am grateful every day that I can still walk, breathe, think....function in whatever ways I still can. I actively practice recognition of what I have to be grateful for. It's part and parcel of what saves me and allows me to keep going on when all seems pointless and more struggling. I didn't write this OP for someone to tell me why we struggle so. I wrote it so we could share in our struggles and offer hope and support to one another. Perhaps keeping that sense of the best qualities of mankind toward one another is the greatest struggle.


But all struggling aside, it seems to me that life should be more than struggle for existence. Existing is the least of it. Of course, there is sorrow, pain, struggle, angst, but also there should be joy, gratitude, gratefulness, appreciation, creativity, and expression of the best parts of who we are, shouldn't there? And if you are constantly battling some unseen or unforeseen "hurricane" of concurrent events seemingly designed to destroy you, it becomes very hard to find the worth in the struggle. The helpless shouldn't suffer when they can't protect themselves, from sadists who enjoy giving those helpless pain. I can't figure that one out, no matter how I try. And I fail to see that there is any worth in struggling to not judge, or attempt to end that particular fact of life. And illness, not related to lifestyle choices, even though I hate the idea of illness related to lifestyle choices, as it's just another judgement by men on other men who don't conform, in some sense.....what's the point of that struggle. Where is the worth in that? Why should life be a constant battle for some, of pain, angst and persecution, while others enjoy success because they are sociopathic in nature, and fit in better than people who truly care? Just some thoughts on the issue, not trying to be personal.
Thanks for reading and your thoughtful reply.
tetra

tetra, I understand completely.

I just put a little poetic verse in a thread. As I was sitting here with a candle lit and music playing, I was thinking of the world and all who suffer and struggle. You may or may not like it, but I shall leave the link in case.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

a reply to: tetra50

I feel your pain. It is real hard to get out of a tailspin that illness and injuries can send you into in this country. Currently, I am finding out how screwed the mental health system is. You are strong and all you can do is one day at a time. I hope your call will be heard and answered.

originally posted by: MOMof3
a reply to: tetra50

I feel your pain. It is real hard to get out of a tailspin that illness and injuries can send you into in this country. Currently, I am finding out how screwed the mental health system is. You are strong and all you can do is one day at a time. I hope your call will be heard and answered.

Thanks for that MOMof3. I know most find this truly crazy, but it's my belief that many mental health and physical problems are purposefully created, for the reasons stated in your signature....

I hope the best for you, as well, and your issues will be resolved in the best possible way for you. Take care.
tetra

a reply to: tetra50

Stories like yours, and your perseverence through horrible odds and situations truly help me, and I hope others suffering similarly, really make a difference.

Just as stories like yours help me, and sometimes I wonder if that's part of the reason why everything that has happened, happened. Is it give hope to someone who is experiencing a horrible situation(s)?

One of my brothers friends had leukemia when she was in elementary school, every time I felt sorry for myself, I though of her. Not that my feelings, emotions and experiences aren't valid or real, but because if a little girl could fight the odds and survive, I can too.

There has to be a reason for all of it, that's what gets me through all the madness, and I truly hope that you do too. There is so much beauty in life, it can be found, even through all the pain.

Here's to you, Tetra!