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First World Rant. Transitional Friendship Periods.

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posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 10:50 AM
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First things first, I just need to vent. It's okay if no one really feels for me, this is definitely a "first world problem".

So, I am 38 weeks pregnant. I'm super-duper pregnant.

Our house has been under a constant state of renovation for close to 3 years. We're procrastinators. We wait for rock bottom prices and any deals I can get through my contractor contacts. We're very busy and do everything ourselves.

We're 30 and 34 and some of the last of our friend group to still have no kids.
Our house is "that house" where people are welcome to walk in, help themselves to a beer and stay awhile. The door and the garden gate is always open. I always have something to make anyone a nice snack.

This weekend we're doing major work on the house. Tile is going up in the bathroom, new fixtures are being installed. The living room plaster is being patched, and painting is being done. Our last room to be insulated is being vapour barriered and gyprocked.

We politely told everyone about our weekend to do list and made it clear that we didn't expect any help, but if you wanted to visit this weekend, please only stop by if that was your intention. Regrettably, it couldn't be a party weekend. The baby will be here any time, and these things need to get done.

My father and his apprentices are here helping, as well as our plumber friend and my mother in law. Lots of great help, and I am so greatful.

I also have...a couch full of day drinkers (who any other day I would love) watching a soccer game, who are totally in the way, but, "We're almost done, we can't watch this game at home!"; an older couple who are great friends but who are constantly asking my father questions about finish work (that he will never be doing for them, as his company only focuses on large commercial jobs and old sea captains houses) that they want him to do in their kitchen; and a brother in law who is too shy to either help, or day drink with the soccer watchers so he is just sitting alone in the kitchen on his phone.

Omg, I need them all to leave, and I also love them so much. How do you gracefully transitions from being the kind of friends who you can always have a beer with, to the kind of friends who have a baby and need a bit more space? Help! Has anyone ever successfully done this? I'm just so hormonal that I can't think rationally.

What I really want to do is move the beer to the garden and tell anyone who is hungry to eat any leftover green tomatoes we didn't throw in the compost.




posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 10:58 AM
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A supportive flag and star as I don't have much else to offer. I think you will probably get less houseguest if you stop being so generous and your house will not be quite so welcoming when you have your new addition and all that goes along with such things if you take my meaning.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 10:58 AM
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DP due to unfamiliarity with new Laptop.
edit on 22-10-2016 by CulturalResilience because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 10:59 AM
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a reply to: CulturalResilience

Thank you.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:07 AM
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It's as simple as being clear, direct, and as assertive as necessary.

The problem with loving everyone and never asserting yourself is that people tend to take advantage and walk all over you. Love and respect are two different things - and it's difficult to respect someone who cannot stand up for themselves.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:09 AM
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I was a hateful pregnant lady lol... Especially at the end. I couldn't breath, walk or sleep. I'm the type that says help or go elsewhere. Act sick and start crying. Say 'I just want my house done for the baby.' Theyll either leave or be sympathetic and help. And you'll find out how good of friends they really are.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:14 AM
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My wife and I just had our second baby together, and my third child. During the pregnancy we sold our old house, began building a new one, and moved into a temporary apartment. The only help I had was a couple of times my brother came out and helped me load/unload boxes and furniture into a storage unit.

If I had a bunch of freeloaders on the couch, getting in the way, preventing me from doing what I needed to do, I would have told them to GTFO. Particularly if the freeloaders were causing delays or getting in the way of the people who were there actually working. Have a little respect for the people who care enough about you to lend a hand by giving them a good environment to work in.

Tell your husband to grow a pair and tell them to leave.
edit on 22-10-2016 by TinkerHaus because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:16 AM
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a reply to: Atsbhct

Here's the thing.

When one needs to get things done, ones people are supposed to help. For example, my best friend and her boyfriend moved into their house last year. I was ill with a cold on the day, which did not prevent me from turning up when I said I would, and powering through my stuffed nose, blocked ears, and hyper inflated eyelids, to be an effective member of the moving team. Many of our other friends were there on the day as well, and each and every single one had something to contribute to the moving effort. Not a single, solitary soul was stationary for more than a few minutes at a time, until all the furniture and other sundry items were in the house, the vans empty, and the way clear so that even in the chaos of rooms not yet organised, there was a way to move around in those rooms without accident or damage to person or property.

When works require to be done on a property, it is also possible to have all hands on deck, every person working toward the eventual goal, and to have no one simply occupying space and getting nothing done.

Simply put, when you are in need of work doing, your friends have a simple choice. Muck in, or ship out. No one should be sat on a couch, watching a soccer match and getting in the way, no one should be finding a quiet place to hide inside their telephone for several hours at a time. The only people in the building should have tools in their hands and be applied to tasks which advance the entire project some, and there are two reasons for this.

First of all, its damned lazy minded to sit there on ones rear, doing nothing, and contributing nothing to a busy environment. Work is completed faster, the more people are involved in the doing of it.

Secondly, friends are those who put effort in. You give and take, you share resources of time, energy, mind and spirit with these people. The least they can damned well do, is either take up some of the work on your behalf, or bugger off out of the way for a few days so that your house can be put in order, in preparation of the arrival of your little one. If they care about you, then they must show that they care for the child you are about to have as well, by putting their shoulders to the grindstone, or at least giving the necessary space to others to turn it for you.

You should not feel remotely bad about insisting on some basic rules for these things, amongst your friends.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:16 AM
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a reply to: Atsbhct

Hand them all a paintbrush, or sandpaper, or anything else that might actually help get the renovations done, and remind them that you're about to have a baby "at any minute now".

And get them to move the couch and tv into somewhere out of your way....

If they're there, it's time for everyone to pitch in and help.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:34 AM
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a reply to: snowspirit

All of my friends help with my projects...they just need specific direction like all drunks and stoners.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:39 AM
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You taught bad habits by being "That House", things will get worse, when little one arrives you will be dead on your feet tired no exhausted! and the baby will NEED quiet. I hope the people around your child will all be very trustworthy people and also not teach him/her bad things. At that point you have to become selective and not all inclusive.

Personally my home is my sanctuary and my Family can have peace and quiet there so I am not one to get this need for constant comings and goings noise and drinking.
Good luck



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:39 AM
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We've started delegating! Thank you everyone for your supportive posts. They really are great friends. We all know that periods of change in friendships can be tough to deal with.

My father (a congenial and likeable man who is somehow also a recluse) has somehow convinced the soccer watchers that they really NEED the skills that he could teach them, and he is now putting on a "course" of sorts, i.e. he has tricked them into working.

I've asked brother in law to take the big dog for a long walk, and it seems he couldn't be happier to have a job to do that requires no interaction with humans.

Venting was just what I needed. Thank you again.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:49 AM
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Lay down the law now, make it black and white. You are obviously such a wonderful and gracious host, changing your open door policy might feel really awkward.... but clear boundaries are so important. Unless your guests are incredibly oblivious, I would think they'd know that you all will need some space. Especially in those emotionally exhausting and vulnerable early days with a newborn! If most of your friends already have kids, they should have no trouble understanding where you are coming from. They just need to be told, in a very clear way, what your visitor policy will be once the sweetpea arrives.

Decide now who can visit on the first weeks after delivery, and then have your husband be in charge of being the enforcer of that list (as well as any list minute additions or subtractions from that list as you deem necessary). You focus on yourself and your sweet little one! Seriously, this is a vital role for Dad to play in the early weeks!!

Congratulations! Prayers for an uneventful delivery, and a healthy mom and baby!



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:51 AM
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a reply to: Atsbhct


Its your house, stand in front of the TV, plant your legs, point at the door and, at the top of your lungs shout, "OOOOWWWTTT!".

They'll get it.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:52 AM
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a reply to: Atsbhct

Glad to see your dad took the bull by the horns and freed you from having to play the bad cop.

I was going to suggest you grab yourself a belt sander, walk into the soccer arena, and start sanding the unfinished plywood subfloors because they look a little "uneven to you".




posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 11:58 AM
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Print out your post and leave it lying on the coffee table where they can read it. If they truly are friends, they will understand. Truth will set you free.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 12:21 PM
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edit on 22-10-2016 by Davood because: nm read the thread. its solved
good work



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 01:11 PM
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No sympathy for whiners.

You made your bed. Lie in it.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 01:17 PM
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originally posted by: 123143
No sympathy for whiners.

You made your bed. Lie in it.


She's about to give birth "at any minute now" or anytime in the next 4 weeks. That alone changes how the bed she made is feeling.



posted on Oct, 22 2016 @ 01:21 PM
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originally posted by: snowspirit

originally posted by: 123143
No sympathy for whiners.

You made your bed. Lie in it.


She's about to give birth "at any minute now" or anytime in the next 4 weeks. That alone changes how the bed she made is feeling.


I'm not one of those idiots who worships the pregnant.

She is responsible for her condition.

As I said, no sympathy for whiners. You made your bed. Lie in it.



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