For now, forget about "communication," and or "talking things out", at least at the level that I've found most women define it when they're having
these sorts of troubles. Forget about deep meaningful conversation's where you leave in that half dreamy state that accompanies making a connection
with your true soul mate. That's the advanced class.
You're going to have to train this man. Just like you would a dog. In fact, for specific advice on how to fix this thing, you'll find no better
answers than you can find by reading dog training books.
But in general, reward and the withholding of rewards is the key.
Find out what he needs. Find out what motivates him. Become his source for those things. In general, though both men and women want love and
respect, women tend to "need" love more than respect and men tend to "need" respect more than love.
Is he getting the respect he needs from you? Are you making him feel like he's an outstanding provider, smarter than Einstein and the best lover
you've ever had? Do you make him feel like He Man? Do you let him know how wonderful he is with the kids? (Doesn't matter if he's any of those
things at this point btw)
See, insinuating a man isn't any of the above is sort of like him answering "yes" to your question about whether a given pair of jeans makes your butt
So next time when you need him to help out, try something like this:
[Insert his name here] Damn it I hate to ask, I know how hard you've worked today and you've definitely earned some down time, but I'm running a
little behind, is there any way I could get you to give the baby a bath for me?
If he does, praise the hell out of him for it. "You're so good with her, she's lucky to have a Dad like you"
Tell him you're proud of him, how smart he is and etc every chance you possibly can. It's like catnip for men. Stroke his ego, become his drug.
Then after bombing him, (Sort of like the love bombing some cults use, but in this case you'll use respect bombing) with this sort of treatment
whenever you plausibly can justify it, (its loosely sort of a modified form of priming the marker in dog training) start to adjust and raise the bar,
ever so slightly for when you praise him. Watch for spontaneous attempts on his part to please you, make sure you really make a big deal out of
these spontaneous attempts, at least in the beginning.
On those occasions when he doesn't perform up to expectations, ignore his failure. Give him something easier to do so you can reward him.
After you train him in this manner to the point where he's house broken, sits on command and comes when called you can move onto more advanced things.
This isn't about the way you'll live the rest of your life. It's about training him/turning him into the kind of dog/man you can really be proud
of/love. A lot of men will rise up to your expectations of them, so estimate high, at least as far as he knows.
Give it a try. See if it works.
edit on 22-10-2016 by imwilliam because: (no reason given)