I have dark fantasies that are hard to keep down. They were deep and have recently begun to surface. I am not the only one that has these fantasies
of redemption or vigilance or revenge, but I am going to release them here in their sinister form for all to see. I will be the DARK we all want to
be to make those pay the price for their evil ways.
Have you ever had someone take something away from you, your pride, your innocence, your loved ones, your gainful possessions, your beauty, your
strength, your hope, your joy and replaced it with fear and agony and sadness and hurt and anger, leaving you with despair and depression to weigh you
What would you want to do to someone that murdered your whole family? Raped your daughter? Molested your son? Pillaged your home?
I have dreamed of a moment in my darkest fantasy where I confront my abuser and how I would handle them. It is graphic and violent. I am not a
religious person, but the the phrase "an eye for eye" seems appropriate when dealing with the monsters of the world. Does it make me a monster to
feel this way? Am I bringing myself down to their level by exacting my revenge? Or am I taking back what is rightfully mine, control, that which
was taken from me?
The line is blurry and I am wrought with indecision, where does that line become clearer? Is my depression the line? Do I allow that to define who I
am? Self medicating to try and forget, self destruction to the point of no return? Is it simply enough for me to confront these feelings of hatred
and self loathing through years of psychotherapy and medication?
Why do the evil doers get off without being forced to answer for their actions? Why do the victims have to be the only ones that suffer? There is
supposed to be justice meted out, is it really Gods place to do so at the gate to Heaven? Sure, in a perfect world evil doers get what they deserve
because the justice system does its job, but we all know the amount of justice is hardly appropriate for the damage that is done.
I hereby institute the "Victims Justice" where the victims of heinous crimes get the chance to sentence their evil doers to fit the crime. Guilt is
certain, 100%. The punishment doled out by the victim/victims in the manner deemed necessary to eradicate and placate. There is no closure ever
forthcoming for the victim, the damage is done never to be reversed, there is no getting over it, especially when the crime is so horrendous.
Wounds may heal, but scars last forever, so when given the opportunity to exact that vengeance it must be with a heavy and swift motion, equal to the
force of the damage that has been done. In such a way as to make sure they pay decidedly.
My abuser would never see it coming. They have no idea who I am anymore. I am 35 years removed from the little innocent boy they so eagerly ambushed
with their conniving, charming, abuse of power, wrapped in a police disguise and insulated by their religious affiliations as a Cantor teaching the
Torah to unsuspecting pre-Bar Mitzvah boys.
I was not the only one abused by this monster and more than one of us committed suicide over his actions, some just simply self destructed over time.
I was nearly one of those casualties on more than one occasion, sometimes purposely and other times due to behavior choices. I repressed memory about
the abuse for many years, only allowing for the fact I had a relationship, but not how it initially started and who was really to blame for my years
of depression and suicidal tendencies.
When I finally came to the realization what had transpired, I stopped feeling angry at myself and instead became fixated on the anger outwardly
towards my abuser. I had begun to deal with it in therapy. My therapist instructed me to come up with a scenario as a fantasy to cope and to try and
work it out of my system, rather than act out of premeditation and follow through on my desires. They made me write it out on paper the things I
would say and do if given the opportunity. Get the anger out of me she said.
The fantasies never went away though. I still have the same one, today. I did what I could to get charges filed, but the DA would not pursue
extradition without other victims to come forward. Aside from the kids that had killed themselves, the ones that could testify were not willing to go
through the process of outing themselves. I wonder how many of them have children that they would want to be tutored by this supposed religious
My fantasy begins with me going to a nightclub one night. I sit at the bar, knowing he is there. He sits down and starts a conversation with me.
Before long he asks me if I want to go get something to eat. I agree and we get in his undercover police cruiser. I suggest that I would love to go
get donuts at Dunkin Donuts and he smiles and says that sounds great. He used to take me to get them late at night when I would sneak out. He let me
drive whenever we did this. His way of showing me he trust me, 12 years old and driving a police car.
Back to the fantasy, this time I am 47 and not the little boy, so he has no idea what is coming his way. After we are done I ask him if I can drive
and he says sure. I know a place where we can go and off we went. I asked him to wait a moment while I go make sure things are set up. I had
handcuffs placed on the post and made sure his gun was secured. I offer him a bourbon with 3 roofies in it to make sure he gets knocked out. When he
comes to he is naked and cuffed to the bed spread eagle. I ask him if he remembers me by name and he nods his head yes. Now it is all coming clear
to him. Payback. My darkest fantasy will have to end here, because I think your imagination can fill in the blanks.
I could be very graphic and point out some very grisly ways to exact my revenge.
Have you got someone that did you so wrong that you would carry your fantasy out if given the chance to do so? If I saw this monster ever again and
had the opportunity to do so, I just might, but hopefully he is already dead and living his eternal hell, one can only hope that God saw the evil of
his ways and saw to it that he had a one way trip way down.
edit on 10-15-2016 by searcherfortruth because: (no reason given)