My life seems to be punctuated by these "intersections" , at which I need to make a choice between taking the easy road, or the hard one; stick with
the familiar and comfortable, or set off towards challenges and renewal.
It goes in cycles, I live for a time with uncomfortable growth (learning new skills, a new job or discipline of some kind, a change in my relational
status, where I live....) ,
and when I've had enough of that (either because I reached my goals, or have gotten too drained to continue that way, or both),
I let go, sit back and find a peaceful easier road for a while to re-charge my batteries.
...before setting off on the next adventure!
Seeing as I am coming from that sort of life, I can't help seeing the situation you've described as-
Your desire for growth and expansion is growing too strong for you to ignore. You've been on a peaceful easier road for a while, and now it is time to
I have a few suggestions- feel free to take them or leave them!
Looking for a male father-type figure to support, guide, and teach you,
might not be the best way to go.
It sounds like the relationship you have now is of that sort (hence the lack of passion...?)
Just intuitively, I want to suggest you watch the film "The Hours" (with Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore). There are some of these themes
in there that might touch chords in you...
On the other hand, it is true that having a partner that supports your goals and dreams, a sort of cheerleader for you, is important to everyone- male
Here's what I am ultimately getting at-
You might have to end this relationship and start over. But not necessarily.
Think about when you decide to follow, stand by and invest in a man- it is somewhat like being a investor/shareholder in a company! First, you need to
have some idea of what their goals are, their values, their motivations...
What they intend to do, and how they intend to do it. From there, you can more easily decide whether you are going to get on their train and help them
Same thing with people. You need to make clear what your goals are, before anyone can join up with you and help you get there.
It is possible your mate simply doesn't try to push or aid you because you've communicated no specific desire or goal!
But if you do... perhaps he'd jump right in and be an added motor in the project!
-If he doesn't, then yeah, that would be the moment to put an end to that relationship and set off.
Even if that is the case, with your new personal project to present to other men, you are more likely to have one become interested in you, and
"investing" in you.
For the moment, my advice would be- first figure your desire out- specify what you want. Whittle those down to one or two goals, depending upon how
big they are. You can't go from this state of inactivity to a state of hyper-productivity over night. You need to work up momentum. Start small.
Then communicate it. Seriously. Write out a plan, and show it to you mate, talk to him about what you want to do.
Consider that you are making him an offer- do you want to get in on this project?
Let him know what sort fo benefits he can draw from it in the long run (I'll be a more happy and confident person to be with, I'll have a career that
will help pay the bills, I will be slightly less dependent and needy, we'll have a nicer garden and home....etc.).
Then if he is enthousiastic, be open to his suggestions and ideas along the way. Don't "obey" them- he is not your father, you are not a child. But
consider that you are partners, and he has a percentage of influence in the project.
That is how my husband and I work things, anyway. We fell in love with each other because each had dreams and desires to fulfill. We go through one
after the other- taking turns being the captain of the current project, and the other one being the investor/supporter.
(right now, I'm the captain of the new career adventure, just went back to school, and he's being my cheerleader! )
Whatever you do, good luck! Don't be afraid to set off on change and challenge!