Hello ATSers, this was the day I've been dreaming about for a little over a decade, my right hip has finally been replaced.
Every single day of the last 11 years has been excruciatingly painful, every single one. Over the last few months, the pain has gotten progressively
worse, to the point of missing work, needing crutches, crawling on the floor and those little screams when the pain shoots through that makes everyone
around me uncomfortable.
During the day, I put on a facade and live by the mantra 'fake it till you make it'. Every step is agony, but no one, other than my husband, truly
realizes this. How can someone, living a life free of chronic pain, realize just how difficult and emotionally overwhelming it is just to think of
making it through the day.
The best part of the day is when I get off work, sit in the car, and cry. Just let it all out and congratulate myself on making it through another
day, one that entailed walking and standing on the bad hip.
You see, I like my job and enjoy what I do. If I go on disability, then my disability wins. It already puts me through such intense agony each and
every day, that I refuse to let it run my life any more than that.
The pain medications help keep the pain in check, but who wants a little pill to make them feel normal?
Who wants to have a 'contract' with
their doctor promising not to take anything else, swearing you will take your medication and not sell it, ensuring you get that drug test and check in
with the doc every six months. They ask a bunch of questions like 'is there anything else that would help your pain' and 'does anyone else have access
to your medication'. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, that I'm a bad girl for taking medicine that gets me through the day. That is
finally coming to an end. In a matter of weeks, I will no longer need those little blue and white pills to make me feel normal
At age 25, I became really sick and no one could figure out what was going on. I had been sick every day for a year, stomach pains, vomiting, sleeping
18 hours. I had wasted away to 88 lbs. So guess what, everyone (except my husband) assumed that of course I had to be anorexic or bulimic, but I
One afternoon I woke up sweating, feeling really hot and really sick, so I took my temperature, 92.7F. Obviously that is a really low temp, the
thermometer must be broken. My husband took his temp, normal. My roommate took his temp, normal. I took my temp again, still 92.7. I asked my husband
(boyfriend at the time) to take me to the ER. There was one less than a mile down the street, but for whatever reason I asked him to take me to the
hospital in a neighboring city; if he hadn't I would have died.
We sat in the waiting room for about 3 hours. People were leaving and going home after asking how long I'd been there, it was obviously really bad. I
was laying on the floor in the middle of the ER in the fetal position with a paper bag by my face, for 3 snipping hours.
Finally after being placed in a room by the supply closet, a doctor walked by to grab something out of it. He happened to take a look at me; this was
not my attending physician. 2 weeks before, this doctor had taken a class on a Addisons Disease, and just by chance he walked by and took a look at
me. You see, I had undiagnosed Addison's; if he didn't walk by I would have died in the ER.
After being transferred to the ICU, having a near death experience (heart stopped, code blue, wake up with 20 people around you kind of NDE) they
fixed me up, made me all better and sent me on my merry way.
Then a doctor made a huge mistake; he left me on a really high dosage of steroids for 90 days causing
in both hips and left
shoulder, at only 25 years old. This is the same doctor, who told me it was 'too complicated for me to understand', when I asked to explain how my
medical condition worked. As it turns out, it's not too complicated and I understand it perfectly well. But hey, I do have blonde hair and have been
told I look innocent, maybe I look stupid too.
My left hip was replaced at age 32, and the orthopedic surgeon told me we would wait to replace the right hip until 40. Well, I couldn't make it to 40
and finally got them to agree to replace it at 38.
The right hip was much worse than the left was when it was replaced. There are bone spurs, the hip was covered in cysts and collapsing. As expressed
before, the pain had become intense. It's hard to explain, but it's the kind of pain that if you had to live with it for the rest of your life, you
might consider other options to get away from the
Finally, no longer getting yelled at for 'using my grandmothers disabled placard'. None of those 'you're the reason why all the disabled spots are
unavailable' while shaking their lil heads at me, disgusted. No more threats of having the police called on my butt because I'm parking in a disabled
spot. One that I have every right to use with out the verbal attacks. People can't see pain, and some see a young 'healthy' woman in her 30's parking
in one of those spots and go bad snip crazy.
I'm in a lot of pain right now, but the pain will fade away. It feels surreal. It's hard to imagine living with out chronic pain, always by my side
for the last 11 years.
Tomorrow go home, it's unbelievable how quickly that medicine changes and advances so quickly. With the last hip replacement, I stayed for 3 days and
had 2 blood transfusions. Now they're sending patients home the next day and no more blood transfusions! Yay!
I am looking forward to a life free of chronic pain, finally!!!
edit on 5-10-2016 by Jennyfrenzy because: ...