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originally posted by: ghostrager
a reply to: Evallina
I think you're looking at this the wrong way. A better solution would be to learn more about yourself to understand why friendships only last two months.
I'd suggest taking an MBTI test and figuring out your personality type. Finding out your personality and reading about it can give you an 'ah ha!' moment of clarity.
If I was to guess, you strike me as an ENFP.
ENFP personalities tend to give much more of themselves than most are even capable of giving back. This sort of imbalance isn't sustainable, as (seemingly) one-sided generosity often leads to criticism and resentment on both sides.
You sound awesome. I wanna kick it with you because I'm super bad ass and your oozing with confidence. People are probably just jealous and we haven't even met yet.
originally posted by: Evallina
I know this is quite long, but please read it.
Oh and PS. This got posted on "rant" by mistake, don't know hoe to fix it.
A couple of people before me wrote about this almost exact same issue, just figured out yesterday after some research. At least, now i'm glad I'm not the only one. However, I'm going to write about it in a more detailed way from my own perspective, and I reaaaally hope I can get some serious fulfilling answers.
As far as I remember, it started when I was about 7, that's 2nd grade. Kids in school disliked me. They wouldn't wanna hang out with me. Some used to mock me and say mean stuff. I had no friends.. It frustrated me. I was a 7 year old with no friends. I had no idea why. Some of you might think of all the kinds of things that would push kids away from a certain classmate, but I assure you that I was the kind of child whom anyone would love to hang with out with. I was super cheerful, always smiling, very smart and also very cute. There was absolutely nothing in me that would push kids away such as a stinky smell or a weird behavior or anything of that sort. Actually, two of my dad's friends were so impressed by my personality and looks that they named their daughters after me. Anyway, as years passed, I started realizing that this issue is getting serious. That it is not just a one time or a certain place's issue but it's really a thing! People did not like me. They never show verbal rejection, but i just feel it, it's obvious I'm not welcomed. However, one strange thing you need to know is that they never dislike me at first. They always get impressed by my personality. I joined pretty much every group i came across so far, I'm quite sociable and outgoing. They welcome me and they find me the funniest person in the group and they treat me like i've been friends with them for years, then suddenly for absolutely no reason, all of them -at the exact same time- just turn their backs. It has happened in all my school years. All my college years. They all suddenly just turn away. They don't contact me anymore, don't welcome me to join them, don't invite me to parties, and some don't even say hi, like we've never known each other. I am 22 years old and i literally have no friends. None. And it drives me insane, it frustrates me it keeps me up all night because i am not a lonely person by nature, i am not a nerd, i am not a weirdo i'm just none of those things, i'm actually the exact opposite.. Not bragging, but i have to state these facts out just so you're fully in the picture: i'm smart, not nerdy smart but cool smart. I'm considered one of the coolest people at both school and college, people easily point me out and I'm well known by lots because i participate in many popular activities and shows in my country. I am so fun to be around, kind of a party animal. I like to have good time and people always enjoy my company - when they hang out with me for the first two months, before it all strangely flips-. I'm helpful, i never hurt people or tell them hurtful things, i never gossip -strange for a girl, but i really don't-. I am beautiful and one of the most stylish girls at my college. I have a hard-to-get job, successful at it. I have a calm ideal life with wonderful parents and a wonderful young brother. I am saying all those things just so you don't go like: maybe she gossips, thats why they eventually leave her, or maybe she's rude..
I am all the things i mentioned, truly. That's why it drives me crazy that I can't have friends. It drives me even crazier that i actually mingle with them for good couple of months and it just all collapses and they turn against me in a very bizarre manner. The last time this happened was a week ago, and i literally almost cried my insides out to sleep. I was with this really cool group of friends, 12 of them. As usual, i was the funniest one, the most cheerful, they loved having me around, told me all their secrets, asked me for help, and always ringed me to hang out. Two months later, exactly, the same thing happened. All 12 at the same time stopped talking to me, at first not as excitedly, then not at all. I would pass by them sitting and they would look at me in this certain way, as though i had murdered one of them. I would sit with them and they wouldn't even talk to me. The strangest thing one can ever possibly come across, believe me. I stayed up all night wondering what the hell have i done? It's impossible for them to just turn against me for no reason like that. It happened before a lot of times, yes, but i thought now that i'm a graduate all the BS is gone and we're all gown ups, things are gonna be different, or lets say, normal. Anyway, for the first time in my life i actually confronted one of them about it. I called the nicest girl in the group and spoke to her, asked her are my feelings right or am i just making things up in my imagination, is the group suddenly all against me? Unfortunately, she said yes. I asked her why, what have i done?? I've always been so nice! And this is exactly what she said: "you have done nothing, literally. They all all of a sudden don't feel good about you and don't want you around". I was shocked, but at least, i got an answer for all the past years, for as far ago as the little me: it was not something wrong with "me" as a person, they just after a while, usually two months every time, did not feel good about me. Just like that. Period.
It's wrecking my world down.. Every time i try to avoid it, it just keeps haunting me. After all, I'm human. I cant live without people, cant live without friends.. I'm sick of it. And every time, i tell myself: "you know what, just stop making friends and joining groups, just for the sake of not getting hurt two months later like every time", but i just can't.. I keep getting friends thinking it would be different, the curse would be lifted or whatsoever.. But it's just there. Been there since forever and I'm guessing will be there until the end.
I searched the web regarding this issue, i found very few articles. Some say it has to do with demons, they just prevent people from liking a certain person. Some said it just happens, just like that, no reason. Some were just useless and typical: you gotta love yourself first to be loved -______-
A couple of people told almost the same story as mine, even the two month thing, but they didn't have an answer to why as well.
Anyway, i just reached to a point where i need help, i'm entirely collapsing... I need an answer i need to know why is this happening to me. I don't want a solution as much as I need an answer before i go insane! So if you have any information regarding this phenomenon or if you know people or sites that can help, please do let me know, it might change my life.
Ps. When it comes to dating, there are no issues thank god, my relationships were pretty long lasting actually, it's just friendships.
Pss. English is my second language, so do excuse any possible mistakes.
Thanks a lot for reading this =)
i dont do any of the things you mentioned cuz i know people who do and it's so annoying.. We just speak about random stuff, funny incidents, play cards, nothing too personal.. And i rarely talk about myself, just when asked, and I make it short.