a reply to: Lucidparadox
I have never found dating easy. I am thirty one, and most of my time has been spent either getting straight up psychologically damaged by women I
have been involved with, or slap bang in either the friend zone, or the much worse "this guy? He's just furniture by now" zone. The worst thing about
being me, in this period of time in which we are living, is people start to date before they fall in love in this era.
I hate that, and it is not the way I would like to be doing business. There is nothing chaste, lovely, or decent about the process now. It's all
about grinding on people in clubs, and involving onself in dating sites. Frankly that is all appalling, low minded gutter crap to my mind, and I have
no interest in it.
Here's a thing which may ammuse you. I recently realised that I am VERY dangerously close to falling for a friend of mine, who came out of a
relationship a month or so ago. I cannot talk to her about it though. I was going to do so this last weekend, at a function we were both invited to.
However, as these things tend to go, it was several hours before we were able to sit next to one another, and not so privately as would allow for such
a conversation. Now, the people we were surrounded by were all good friends of ours, so although I did not feel comforable having the conversation I
needed to have about my own feelings, she, naturally felt OK about discussing her issues, which involved a person not actually attending the party, to
whit, her ex boyfriend.
There I am, wishing to have some space with her so that I can talk to her about my feelings, and there she is explaining that she had bumped into the
ex, and was still in love with him, just not happy to be with him.
Now, me being the stoic, bulletproof, cast iron badass of a friend that I am, I did what I always do when a friend has a problem. I poured two rum
and cokes, handed her one, and we talked about her stuff. I gave a little advice, provided a sound board, and listened. No one could have known that
inside me, a grand vortex had opened up, and the less well tacked down elements of my psyche were collapsing into it at an alarming rate. To be
honest, I am well used to this sort of thing, because I am the punchline to the cosmic joke, the premise upon which all the funniest of fates
practical jokes tend to be based.
It does not make it any easier to deal with when it happens though.
What I would say is this:
If you are after something that means something, do not rush toward it, or pick from an available list of women. If there is a woman in your life, for
whom you have a specific and unrelenting passion, one which cannot be easily transferred onto another woman, then perhaps she is worth pouring effort
and a significant amount of mental resource into. Perhaps the pursuit of same would be equally rewarding. But do not waste your time, unless time is
what you are looking to waste.