Speaking in public compared to writing in private or on ATS

sometimes it may appear as though my English is fairly okay in writing and other tomes its a jumble...at calm moments and not so much when thoughts of unwanted actions are entering my mind, my English is atrocious...
it stems from the fun of learning being sapped out from a male thinking i care so much about competing..when learning in my mind was supposed to be fun..
then, its easy to get upset when no adult any gender cares not for one to defend theirself..in my case being chased by males after a year of complete horrors in a combined gender bathroom...
okay so my brother was bragging over an ability to fight and in my mind i was all "cool, now if a boy chases me i will fight him..."and i did ...flipped them off said the f word, used fighting moves...and guess who gets in trouble...boys are just so much more valuable and should be allowed to harrass and assalt girls...is the lesson of my first year after kindergarten....well, i guess rape is cool too...especially with damaged goods...
personally i do not agree with any forced sexual or touchy feely behavoirs...and their may or may not be folks on Earth that agree or disagree..."who knows?!"
soon, i will exit this matrix and take off on a trip through the wilderness to escape humans for good...maybe find another of my own kind out there....i must e one of three like folks as far as i can tell...thanks folks...once i find a safe path and no compass...i'll let you know about life in the river and stuff...thanks for reading..after next week hopefully there will be cooking and stuff before i leave being in buildings...
sorry for the confusion...i am not looking for a "good time" i am searching for freedom from thought and mind control as to what i might do if i find a compatible friendly mate...see you soon!

a reply to: peppycat

Where ever you go you always carry you with you. Carry those with you that are not benefit even if it is just thought? Becomes a very heavy burden to carry. Cease carrying anyone but you and you'll cease to be a beast of burden for anyone.

That's how to escape control and gain control of oneself and keep it for oneself... know where you have to go to do that? No where. Where ever you place the mind there it is... chasing the mind all over curious to see where it's going will lead you every where it wants to go not where you want to go... so learn to place the mind exactly where you want it to be each and every time if it moves pull it back to where you want it to be over and over until it is tamed... only then does it really begin to perform work and function in balance and as intended it takes practice.

A lot of people trying to control others have no control over their own minds, so instead they control others instead of themselves... self control eventually becomes no desire to control others, like a parent watching children that don't know any better play and just watching and letting them have fun because it makes them happy and seeing them happy makes you happy... knowing unhappiness arises from that desire to control others so oneself is happy? Takes the fun out of everything, robs freedom, robs joy, and robs life no ones own.

Be safe on your Journey Peppy

a reply to: peppycat

Peppycat a part of me understands and I feel deeply for you. Best wishes on your journey. You will be missed.