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1. Be aware that they’re triggered/reacting. It’s not okay for Brandon to yell at Nicole, and for Nicole to yell at Brandon. Before they can even begin to negotiate, they need to learn how to adjust their behavior toward each other by learning to not react, defusing emotional charges, and eliminating mean and nasty criticisms and judgments. This takes self-control, discipline, a mutual desire to have a healthier relationship…and….practice, practice, practice.
2. Just state the facts; don’t react. Once Brandon and Nicole learn to not react in an angry manner, they need to talk about their differences in a rational way by simply stating the facts and begin to accept each other while suspending judgments. For instance, the facts are that he’s neat, and she’s not, and nobody’s better or worse than the other…just different.
3. Living together with differences.
1. Develop a strategy up front.
2. Seek to understand your spouse’s perspective.
3. Make it fun and easy for your spouse to see what you see.
4. Ask questions rather than provide answers.
5. Don’t tell your spouse what to do or think.
6. Allow your spouse come to his or her own conclusions.
7. Give your spouse the space to say no. Later on, explore the reasons.
8. Find ways to merge your and your partner’s visions.
9. Avoid using facts and figures. (They block visions, not build them.)
10. Make your agreements clear so they can really stick.
Here are seven concrete things you can do to help your negotiations go more smoothly. These are all things that have worked really well for me and Kyeli in our relationship — we wouldn’t give you advice we hadn’t tested ourselves. (; These suggestions are written for romantic relationships, but a lot of them apply to negotiating in business or other types of relationships too.
Negotiation in relationships: 7 concrete things you can do
originally posted by: Macenroe82
Hmm, but what if "Nicole" has Borderline Personality Disorder, and "Brandon" being the patient and understanding gent he is.
Is sick of her childish temper tantrums and all the abuse, that he has to put up with daily from her.
Then what should he do?