originally posted by: AnkhMorpork
Waking Up (a second time)
What an interesting specimen, both men thought to themselves, as the "Doctor" approached him and said, in a deep and rich melodious voice..
"Hallo." said the Doctor, melodiously.
"What do mean, HAll-o?", said Bob in reply. "It's HELLo, everyone knows that!"
The Doctor, without so much as a sense of mirth or irony and with every indication that he was entirely serious said, matter of factly, "we took the
'hell' out of the word hello a long time ago, That's no way to greet someone, not in this day and age. You know how offensive that word once was I'm
"Well HAllo to you then pardner! Howdy!" said Bob, enthusiastically, then turning to take in little Ms. sweetie pie, he gave her a wink and said "and
hallo to you too my dear!"
Oh what a relief it was for Bob to have some friends and people with whom to communicate and interact with. They sure looked like nice and reasonable
people, but, then again, there was something seriously wrong with them when he came to think of it. They seemed to be missing someth'n deep down in
the soul, thought Bob. Why aren't they reciprocating? What am I to these people? Chopped liver? Do they think I just fell off the tater truck?
"Do you know why you are here?"
"Paid one point five billion dollars to fly around the sun while 10,000 years elapsed on Earth" said Bob. He was never one for beat'n around the bush.
Cut straight to the point like a hot knife through butter was the way his mamma taught him, and if he didn't cut right to the chase with his father he
was apt to be cuffed up this side the head, in a real hurry. Bob didn't mince words.
"You said that before, when you first came in" said the doctor with a condescending look in his eye, and a lack of humor that gave him a very slack
face. Almost goat-like in some indefinable way that Bob was at a loss to put his finger on at the moment.
"What the hell you talk'n about Doc? One moment I was in my ship, and the next I was staring up at the ceiling right here in this room or another one
down the hall."
Bob was starting to get a rather queezy feeling 'about these folks, both of them, as cute as the girl might be. Come to think of it, she had that
slack-faced condescending look too, which was a total turnoff for Bob. Woman don't respect her man there'll ain't no way come hell or high water that
he's gonna hand over his power to her just for a bit of skin. It just isn't worth it in the end run. This Bob had learned from a great deal of trial
and error. He was wise when it came to deal'n with woman, and this girl here ain't really beautiful at all, he suddenly realized. Bob fell straight
out of love, as he always when he can see that there ain't no love in it, oftentimes when it was too late to reverse the course of history. He'd
learned the hard way. That which hurts, instructs, thought Bob to himself, quoting Ben Franklin. Yep, I'm going to have to draw a line with this
little lady, don't matter how nice her skin looks, or her legs..
* This is ironic, insofar as unbeknownst to Bob, he's about to become the most eligible bachelor in a largely loveless universe.
"You don't remember?" inquired the Doctor, tilting his big head forward and in the process almost invading Bob's space.
"Well you tell me Doc. Best I can recall, one minute I was on my ship, yeah, with three amigos, as you say I called them. Next thin I knew I was right
here, and if I might add, strapped down so that I couldn't move, and one thing I do know even though I know I don't know much and that is that ain't
no way to treat a stranger!" exclaimed Bob, indignantly, yet while expressing just the appropriate amount of righteous civil anger at the indignity of
Bob knew that balancing one's feelings according to the situation could prevent a person from getting into a whole heap of trouble over some silly
misunderstanding that you can't even remember when the dust settles, so he didn't pick a fight lightly and preferred to err on the side of Civility in
all his dealings. It had worked wonders for him back in Houston and in fact it was the very trait that brought him to this strange place of which he
as yet knew nothing.
Yep, a true gentlemen never hurts another person's feeln's, unintentionally; another of Bob's cherished truths about human social interaction.
Sometimes ya just gotta talk straight to people and take watchca get. No use fancy dancing around, was Bob's sentiment.
The Doctor tried a different tact.
"Do you have the sense of a feeling of amnesia, or of any lost time that you cannot account for?"
"No, but I can't account for the last 987 years, to be perfectly honest."
"You think you're 987 years old?"
"No." Bob thought it might better if he just started keeping his mouth shut and saying as little as possible.
"So you don't remember how you got here or even why you are here?"
"You ask a lot of the same questions for someone with such a big head Doc, with all due respect if you don't mind me saying so."
"Ok, let's back up again then. We can get to that later. First of all, what is your name?"
"You don't already know? Bob Smith." He thought it best not to elaborate any further.
"Why do YOU think you're here?"
So Bob told them the whole story. Damned if he was going to LIE or claim the 1st on such a question. It was important for them to know who he was and
where, and from what time, he was coming from. They really should have already known. Damn that Elon Musk! Contract wasn't worth the paper it was
written on!, thought Bob, before going into it all, starting with the inheritance of his oil fortune when daddy passed on back in 99.
Although they seemed to listen intently, not a muscle moved on their face the whole time he was speaking. But Bob had played more than a few hands of
poker in his time, and with these people, well their tell was their lack of a tell. In fact, he had the distinct impression that they just didn't give
a hill of beans for him or his story, at all. It was like talking to a pair of manikins! But alas, even bad company can be good company when you were
concerned that you might return as the last man standing so to speak. A listening ear is a listening ear, so Bob told them everything, and it was
actually a great relief to him to find anyone who might lend a listening ear.
edit on 14-9-2016 by AnkhMorpork because: (no reason given)