a reply to: Bluntone22
I lost a very close friend yesterday. She was a beautiful human being.
I know everything about her, we can talk about ANYTHING! We've spent almost 20 years of being Internet friends, but no less of a friend. Some even
turn to family. Doesn't matter if you've never met, these people usually develope friendships. You begin to feel that family bond with this internet
We have known each other since we first discovered WebTV, so sometime in 1998. I was in my early 20's & she was in her late 20's. Now I'm in my early
40's and she's in her late 40's .So we had a wonderful friendship. She was like family to me.
I lIke to call this the modern version of having a pen pal!
This version has certainly stepped up the game!
But I'm rambling. I'm still in shock.
I've been in touch with one of her 2 sons, 21 & 23 years of age, her daughter in law for less than a year, and her grandson, 10 months old.
I will miss her.
This has caused me so much heartache. I have lost many friends over the past few years, and just had a foot surgery, and am not allowed to bare weight
on it for 2 months, maybe 3. I have a month to go for my 2nd month.
I had a health scare recently, I truly feared I might die. I'm ok, thankfully. BUT yes the healh scare and surgery, I'm also very stir crazy just
laying around here, and now the passing of my dear friend.
It has caused me to experience one the darkest hours of my life. And I've suffered with depression for the longest time! So this one is a doozy!
I'm so depressed. I took myself off of antidepressants 3 months ago.
I feel I should just get back on them.
Or maybe I'm just being a weak minded person, I'm questioning if I need them right now.
The death of my friend has caused me to feel a lot of fear. I usually would rely on my prescribed anxiety medication, but don't have that crutch
right. Tomorrow thankfully.
I don't enjoy feeling this way at all.
I'm afraid of so many things now. My stomach is tied in knots and has even causes me to physically get sick a few times earlier.
I have tried to be into meditation and yoga, and Buddha & reading The Tibetan Book Of The Dead.
Also am about to finish watching a movie called, Enter The Void.
I'm in a dark place and it scares me. I need to do whatever it takes to pull my butt outta this!
I need to stop searching for answers about where we go when we die, or do we reincarnate? Is they're a true biblical God in heaven, are Satan and his
demons punishing souls in a hell of fire and brimstone? Are we just energy and just become something else. Are the akashic records really in some
I'm just stuck in a very unhealthy way of thinking right now.
I am feeling panicked. This could happen to me. I'm not special.
I don't like suspense at all. I'm 41, and I refuse to go into a haunted house, KNOWING FULLY WELL, that nothing bad is going up happen to me. It's
I wish I could loosen up and have some fun for once. But I'm never happy anymore.
I need to stop researching death, NDE's, Book of the dead. Watchung into the Void. I really think that will help me greatly.
But I'm not gonna lie, I haven't felt happiness in so long, I need to stop this.
I'm just stuck with this thinking though. I don't know how to stop this thought cycle. It's truly causing me great stress, not being able to stop it.
It's just on a constant loop.
Anxiety and depression is real. I know most are against prescribed medications, but when it causes a person to be stuck in the horrible thought cycle
like I'm experiencing now, then I feel I have to do whatever it takes, like I mentioned earlier.
How do I get my brain to shut up, and my body to stop reacting to my thoughts. I end up tense in shoulders and lower back, having pinched nerve,
causing Scatia pain. I know it's because it's stuck in fight or flight mode, and I just wanna be in flight mode only, ya know?
I'm sorry, I've just rambled here.
I'm sorry for your loss OPEN. My heart is with you.
edit on Jpm9000000pmSat, 10 Sep 2016 20:41:28 -050016 13 by Mjab6910 because: (no reason given)
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10 Sep 2016 20:42:01 -050016 13 by Mjab6910 because: (no reason given)
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Mjab6910 because: My math skills need to step up their game. 😁😂
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