posted on Sep, 3 2016 @ 11:27 AM
My parents tried to raise me catholic, but somewhere between getting excited to get dressed up for Easter and refusing to step foot in a church for
Sunday mass all together something just... happened. It's a lot like how there's this point in your life when your parents put you down and just
never pick you up again.
I got to say goodbye to my grandma. She was comfortable, peaceful, surrounded by family who love her and want nothing but happiness and love for her
and one another. I feel like that is so rare to witness or experience... She didn't die alone, like I thought happens to everyone. I mean yes, when
we die it is just us in our bodies, and our spirit somewhere above, just out of reach of everyone we're leaving behind, but I saw it happen
before her body got still.
I sat down, said quiet hello's and made small talk before going up to my grandma's side to talk to her. I always feel uncomfortable when pressure is
on me, and all three of her daughters were watching and listening very carefully. I told her who it was talking to her, that I had just arrived after
walking and feeding her little dog, and that he was "tumblin tumblin" (what she'd call him rubbing himself all over the grass). Her RR was around 6
when I started talking and jumped to 22. Her daughters noticed and jumped in to speak and try to get a response, but when I sat back down it was,
again, down to 2.. 6.. 8.. 2.. etc. Then some more intense conversation was had ( I wont be going into it ) and this time it went from 12 to 0 and
then stopped all together. She didn't die at that moment, it was a little while later, but her body reacted to it.
I'm putting this here because today had an impact on my faith.
I don't know what exactly my faith is in, but it changed a little today and I think I might believe in Heaven. I didn't believe in heaven (or really
those prayers) before I watched what it did while we were all around her or while I was feeling everything.
Here's why.. A doctor came into the room and I suddenly felt like I could see my grandma's spirit - her actual soul - over her body, but as she
would see it: her younger self looking down at her body and all of her loved ones around her. I felt her aura - what came to me as gradient white,
yellow and green. I felt the joy of her realizing she'll be in heaven with someone she loves more than the air her body was struggling to breathe. I
felt the memories of abuse, pain, horror and love, happiness, growth.. all at once. I felt her accept that her life was at its end. I felt her fade
away with him and leave a little bit of her light with each of us. As soon as the doctor left the room it all stopped. My teary eyes were dry, I was
back to just feeling uncomfortable and a little sick, also very tired which happens every time I do a psychic reading of any kind. I don't see death
and something to cry over, necessarily.. and I never thought heaven was real. But everything I felt when that doctor was in the room told me she faded
into Heaven - wherever, whatever that may be - and was the happiest she's ever been.
Other doctors and nurses were in and out of the room over the next few hours. More family arrived and very emotional moments were happening, but I
didn't cry. I didn't feel sorrow. I just felt a little tightness in my chest, and it was all peaceful.
I've been around for a few family members dying. I've watched it happen to this one and that one.. I've seen the prayers and even blocked out a
memory of going to a funeral for a young girl that died while I was in high school school because it was so intense, but none of that made a dent in
my disbelief of heaven. I wasn't extremely close with my grandma.. I was her health care aide for a period of time, she was staying in my families
house for a few months.. It wasn't all roses and butterflies at all, but it wasn't horrible either.
Something about everything I felt with my grandma made me feel like she went somewhere. I believe in reincarnation, but what I felt today made me
believe there might be a pitstop before the next life that you get to experience, not just float around in and wait to be reborn..