What Gives You Confidence?

a reply to: intrptr

Maybe I'll make it tomorrow. Try to make an outline today.

a reply to: Night Star

Would you suggest asking someone for coffee out of the blue? In my mind it plays out well(potentially). And of course where I am the initial conversation beyond introductions would be majors/interests, where are they from etc. Simple, common things.

To everyone that participated in this thread you have all made me joyful through your company and responses. I love you all.

a reply to: ksiezyc

I think you've gotten a lot of good advice in this thread friend.

You and I have talked before and you seem very personable. I think once you begin to open up and just respond to those smiles and strike up those conversations it will, hopefully, get easier each time.

Sure, there may be rejection or you may just not 'click' with some people but that's all part of it. Maybe if you look at those situations a little differently. For example, if someone doesn't respond favorably to you or your approach it doesn't necessarily mean you aren't good. It just means you're not what they are looking for at the moment. You may be perfect for someone else. I'm not only speaking of romantic interactions either.

I'm not sure where confidence comes from. Maybe it's something some are born with or just learn to develop. I certainly believe it can be developed.

Good luck!

a reply to: ksiezyc

While I agree that Whiskey seems to help me out (beer, however, does not) - In terms of motivation I'm starting to get to the age or enlightenment where I'm not so concerned about the perception of myself. My attitude now is more or less "What the heck, let's do X". It's taken me to New Years Eve parties, kayaking, spontaneous road trips.

If I'm starting a relationship, be it just trying to talk to someone or see if there's anything there, I will usually try to keep a conversation on something relatively neutral (aka - no talking about a tinfoil hat unless you met them on here!). If the conversation grows, I'll include smaller details about myself and ask more questions. Finally, I tell them I'm spending the night in a haunted asylum for my birthday and judge their reaction: Chances are, if they don't run away screaming...they are worth trying to get to know.

-foss

originally posted by: ksiezyc
a reply to: Night Star

Would you suggest asking someone for coffee out of the blue? In my mind it plays out well(potentially). And of course where I am the initial conversation beyond introductions would be majors/interests, where are they from etc. Simple, common things.

To everyone that participated in this thread you have all made me joyful through your company and responses. I love you all.

Oh yes, ask them out for coffee and talk with them about simple things and maybe throw out deeper things if they seem open to it.

We love you too!

a reply to: TNMockingbird

I agree this has given a lot of advice as well as being interesting conversation for itself.

Yes we have and it has always been a pleasure talking with you, perhaps we shall at the Grand Meet in November.

That is a good perspective to take, that they are seeking something else rather than being at fault.

I think confidence comes from upbringing, though it can be developed. I think psychology would actually support that it comes from upbringing. I believe it has to do with attachment though don't hold my word to it.

a reply to: fossilera

I wonder why beer does not help you, yet whiskey does. More expensive beverage perhaps gives the illusion of more money/wealth. I am trying to reach the point of not caring about others thoughts of me as well, it seems vital.

I will have to steal that test of yours! I agree with your neutral questions position, at least till they are better known. I have a dark and at times self-deprecating sense of humor something another person needs to be eased into.

a reply to: Night Star

Ok I will make the attempt to get such a date! Deeper things are fascinating, to get people's perspectives on the meaning of life, the origins and other such ideas.

Yes I feel the love.

a reply to: ksiezyc

What gives you confidence?"

Alcohol.


Going to read the thread now.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Same answer as the first, just less specific. I think it is interesting. Those that commented made interesting points. Hope you enjoy the read. But I must ask I suppose why nothing else gives you confidence?

a reply to: ksiezyc

Oh alcohol doesn't give me confidence. It just fills the spot where confidence should be.

Sorry for not clarifying!

less specific

I don't limit myself to one type of alcoholic beverage.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Well, either way it should not be that way! Have confidence in yourself. You seem like a friendly person.

originally posted by: ksiezyc
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

You seem like a friendly person.

That's not something people respond to.

Hence the alcohol. I feel like I'm talking in circles. Or maybe that's just the room spinning...

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: ksiezyc
Oh alcohol doesn't give me confidence. It just fills the spot where confidence should be.
Sorry for not clarifying!

less specific

I don't limit myself to one type of alcoholic beverage.

Variety IS the spice of life!

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

What do people respond to then?

originally posted by: ksiezyc
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

What do people respond to then?

IF I knew that answer, I would be more confident in myself.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I feel they should respond to friendliness. If not that what is there to respond to? I can not think of anything else, with the exception of casual or shallow relationships(not necessarily romantic).

originally posted by: ksiezyc
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I feel they should respond to friendliness. If not that what is there to respond to? I can not think of anything else, with the exception of casual or shallow relationships(not necessarily romantic).

Hey I don't make the rules. But I have learned them well.

Look at it this way, why should others have more importance than you? By lacking self confidence, you are placing more meaning and importance to others over your own self. If you are a good person, there is no need to see others as better than yourself. Why be intimidated? Fear of rejection? There will always be people who we will connect with and others we won't. Hold on to the relationships that matter, that are important and can make a difference in your life, who will be there for you not only in good times but in bad. You WILL meet these people along your path in life.

You matter and are important to others already. That should give you confidence and belief in yourself.

It's late. I'm rambling.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Understood. Just trying to find the logic of it.