What Gives You Confidence?

I am sick right now so besides the daily duties and having to go eat and all I am staying indoors. Colds are not fun, though no illness is, except perhaps as a child and able to miss out on school, but even then the feeling of illness was a drag. I've been reading through threads, both new and...well in this sub-forum. For no other reason, but curiosity as to what people post here and seeing as to some extent(not very deep) this area of discussion interests me. Frankly, I'm not sure I'll post this as relationship advice just doesn't seem to fit the charm of ATS, except perhaps in the extreme cases, which this is not one of. I suppose out of boredom this will be shared.

I'm curious how it is that people manage to get themselves out there, both in quest of romance and in quest of friendship. Not to suggest that I have a problem with this. I am not a very social person(much less now with this illness), but I have a few friends who can be trusted, though now they are geographically far away. A couple romances, but sadly those ended and a couple attempts that ended up failing. But no one always succeeds and failure should be more drive for success rather than detrimental to the drive.

I believe that there are numerous reasons to go out and discuss without fear and full of confidence.

-The inevitability of death.
-What's the worse that could happen?
-You can only win in the long run.
-If you do not you will only wonder "What if?" and hope for an opportunity to come about again.

Among other reasons I am sure. The purpose of this thread perhaps is to see what gives everyone their confidence to be social or outgoing(in any extent). I gave my list above. And perhaps for myself(beside the original purpose and gathering information/advice this could be an initiation thread for me though my only one in this sub-forum).

originally posted by: ksiezyc
What Gives You Confidence?

Whiskey.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Great answer. Gin/tonic, beer work fine too I'd say. Vodka, I'd have to say no despite my nationality.

a reply to: ksiezyc

The purpose of this thread perhaps is to see what gives everyone their confidence to be social or outgoing(in any extent).

It just happens, later you go wow that was cool, we we're clicking...

Comfortableness with someone , that sort of things rarely planned ahead of time. It finds you when you least expect it.

Or like others have said get drunk, that makes everything easy (except sobering up).

a reply to: intrptr

But what makes you go up to the person to even begin the process? I do agree, many of the people I am or have been friends with I can not recall just how it happened.

a reply to: ksiezyc

New clothes, thrift shop works just fine as well.
Hair cut
New cologne/perfume
Also as Augustus mentioned, whiskey!

a reply to: ksiezyc

What gives you confidence?

Knowing that I'm not wrong that it's just the Mandela effect taking effect.

a reply to: JinMI

Hair cut. Heh this may just happen as I have hair going down my back after some years of growing it out. Sounds like a reconstruction of yourself.

a reply to: EmmanuelGoldstein
Ah yes the amazing Mandela Effect. Hm, perhaps drilling that into mind could work.

a reply to: ksiezyc

There see? it just happens.

I was at the pet store not a half hour ago, the clerk there is usually shy and I ignore her to not make her uneasy. Suddenly we were talking a smile a minute about dental stuff for pet teeth.

pet teeth... I almost forgot when you asked how does one be social, how does that happen.

Sees just a 'pet clerk' and it was just pet teeth, but now I know her comfortably, shes not 'shy' anymore.

Lots of people (probably) around us that we don't take the time to get to know more. Because we have pre judged them maybe or they us?

a reply to: ksiezyc

More of an affirmation of your perceived self. Sometimes it's the little things.

a reply to: intrptr
I suppose so. A simple conversation can break the previously perceived barriers. I'm sure it goes both ways, us having judged them and vice versa.

a reply to: JinMI

Well, I'm not sure how exactly it is affirmation, if you are altering yourself. But I agree it is the little things sometimes.

a reply to: ksiezyc

Well I have my own general look and style. Sometimes with work and family as time goes on, my hair gets longer than my liking and I can't style it the same as I usually like. Clothes get worn and sometimes tattered. My goatee gets too long etc etc.

This may not apply to you just speaking from personal experience but trimming all the edges so to speaks boosts my self confidence.

I actually have bad social anxiety in real life. It's kind of an interesting question though...In a nutshell, i would say loneliness and curiosity.a reply to: ksiezyc

In fact, I don't often connect with people in real life. (when I'm out and about.) Sometimes I make goofy snarky comments to people and they'll just chuckle it off or ignore me.

a reply to: ksiezyc

Smiling and just a happiness within, and working


Most of my friends I've either known from childhood or met at my job.

My closest friend at work I bonded with immediately. We all love our boss, she's awesome. A true leader, military trained, and a great sense of humor.

I am generally a happy person and grateful to be alive; I avoid chronic complainers.

I look for a genuine smile, and a sense of humor.

a reply to: ksiezyc

And thats just with others. It begins with us.

If we are comfortable in our own skin we project that, others pick up on it.

So we have to 'forget ourselves' to appear comfortable so others feel comfortable when we engage wth them.

If we are too self conscious that comes across negatively.

a reply to: ksiezyc

What Gives You Confidence?

Not much of anything really.

a reply to: ksiezyc

The fact that I am aware.

I am aware, concious of my surroundings, and of the things which led me, and indeed, the species to this point. I feel the weight of millenia of information, lives lived, lost, discoveries made, pinnacles reached, the progress of the species from bone club wielding, to the generation of the technologists, like a wave behind me, the great thrum of the human races history, voices unheard and yet tangible, like a breath of salt air when one has no view of the sea.

When one is at the head of a wave like that, one has never to doubt that one will reach whatever lay ahead of it.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

I suppose I might be able to relate. Not the snarky comments, but more often than not I don't connect to people out and about.