BREAKING: An ATSNNBRSZF6M22R News Channel Update Update:
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Hello again and welcome again to ATSNNBRSZF6M22R news again. We've just learned of some new and exciting contenders entering the presidential race.
It appears Ron Paul has come out of retirement to enter the race after urges and pleas from his die-hard fans reached a boiling point. 81-year-old
Paul will still use his 2012 campaign slogan, "Restore America Now", although it has been slightly tweaked to "Restore America Now, As In 2016, Not
2012. That Now is No Longer A Now, It's A Then". During a recent debate Paul fans jeered and booed as even (blank), his lesser known opponent, was
given significantly more speaking time.
(blank) hails from the (blank) party. Although he has been accused of being (blank), he says he has never (blank)ed his (blank) with another (blank).
"Not that there's anything wrong with it," he added.
After a risky but successful head transplant by Chinese doctors, Harambe the Gorilla is alive and well and pushing very controversial viewpoints.
Asked if he worried about assassination, he replied "What are the chances of that happening twice?!", then beat his new chest with his new fists. As a
safety precaution no children will be allowed at his rallies, however.
Also very controversial is paleo(zoic) conservative candidate Giant Meteor. Dodging questions about the time he nearly wiped out all organic life on
Earth, he only said "That was a long time ago", adding that "the plight of our economy is more relevant, let's talk about that". Rumors swirled after
a YouTube video surfaced in which he claimed dinosaur fossils were sent by the Devil to "Test our faith". The Prince of Darkness, Satan, responded by
tweeting "Ay, how come erry time sumpin bad happens yall gotta blame da red guy. #RACIST #makenobones".
We recently tracked down presidential candidate and Dallas resident Debbie for an interview, which will be aired in full last night at 3 a.m. eastern.
Here is a quick preview:
"What will you do to quell civil unrest during these turbulent times?"
"What is your last name?"
We'll have more as upcoming developments, um, develop.
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edit on 29-8-2016 by humanityrising because:
(no reason given)
edit on 29-8-2016 by humanityrising because: (no reason given)