Is there ever a situation where it is better for all involved if one decides to not tell the truth?

--No, right?

I'm in a situation right now where telling the truth will only serve the purpose of satisfying a desire for it--but will come with the heavy price of sorrow and trauma. And the person who would be at the receiving end of this has just gone through a great period of trauma and upheaval and, while I want to tell them the truth (and while I eventually plan on doing so), I could not shake the conviction I had that, if I told the truth now, it would do the person irreparable harm.

I'm not exactly normal because I was fortunate enough to have been given complete closure in the situation that I'm speaking of. Closure that probably 99% of other people who've gone through something similar wish they'd had, but will never get. I saw the tears, their regret, and their heart-felt apology, I prayed with this person and forgave them. In my heart, it never happened. I choose to forget. While I intellectually know that it happened, by God's grace it doesn't hurt me in the slightest.

But this person isn't going to ever be the same again if they know this. Even fearing the truth of it, they break down. I've been able to tell others, but the person in question is irrevocably emotionally invested in me in deeper ways than I understand, even.

I froze--I couldn't tell them the truth. I was evasive and they recognized this.

What should I do?

originally posted by: rukia
Is there ever a situation where it is better for all involved if one decides to not tell the truth?

Yes. If you 'accidentally' kill your significant other.

a reply to: rukia
Politicians think so.

a reply to: rukia

Talk with friends, family members, a counselor in therapy? It sounds like you need to talk out this situation more and work with yourself to find what your heart and mind tell you to do.

At the end of the day, this is your life. No one can tell you what is right or wrong, you have to feel it for yourself and act on that feeling.

a reply to: rukia

Pain is a good thing. Sometimes I tell the truth in jokes, sometimes my jokes contain truth. I laugh all the time.
Hurt them.

How can we offer good answers if you're going to pussy-foot around and not tell us the issue? You are so heavy into avoiding the issues that no one can tell WTH you're talking about.

a reply to: rukia

Yes when cheating on your significant other, because people get killed for less.

Honesty is always the best policy.

Is there ever a situation where it is better for all involved if one decides to not tell the truth?

Yes.

When my wife asks, after 26 years of marriage, if her butt looks fat in those pants, it is best to lie and keep the wife happy.

Happy wife, happy life.

yes, when one is already dead . . . or she's 8 months pregnant and her shoes look horrible.

a wise man once said " it`s better to be kind, than right"

When the lie eventually comes out .... and it invariably does be it one

month or one year or even five years or more ......then

the trust is gone


And when you can't trust some one anymore .... what is left

originally posted by: eletheia


When the lie eventually comes out .... and it invariably does be it one

month or one year or even five years or more ......then

the trust is gone

And when you can't trust some one anymore .... what is left

What is left is cake.

a reply to: rukia

I really tried to imagine a situation where it is possible, you "saw their tears, their regrets", but they who is apparently a single person, doesn't know the truth? Like what truth?

Maybe this person would have felt a lot better a lot earlier if you would have been more honest, instead of gloating about how "irrevocably emotionally invested" it is in you?

a reply to: rukia

Is there ever a situation where it is better for all involved if one decides to not tell the truth?

In my opinion, absolutely sometimes.
If you are being asked a direct question then that can be a tricky situation. If you are just not telling something that someone doesn't already know then, at times, it may be necessary to withhold the truth.

But this person isn't going to ever be the same again if they know this. Even fearing the truth of it, they break down

That statement says, to me, that they don't want to hear the truth. The truth could even hurt them more and cause more emotional damage. I suppose if the person come to you and sincerely wants 'the truth' then you should tell them.

Some folks only want to know things if they ask, I am one
Some folks believe what you don't know won't hurt you (not always but usually), I am one.

I never want to hurt someone with truth only to make myself feel better so we must be mindful that we are not telling things just to make ourselves feel better or to have someone share our burden. If the motives are selfish in nature for revealing something painful to someone you love then is that really a loving act?

a reply to: rukia

What have you done? Seriously? You stood idly by as you could have just ended that persons misery?
Where does most pain come from uncertainty! all the crippling self-loathing comes from the simple question: what the hell happened?
All the why me, nobody understands me... comes from not understanding why things are as they are.
You could have fixed that? How long? Days? Weeks? Years?
What are we talking?

rukia

Tell the truth..if it is what I am thinking of..they probably know already and just haven't the will to face it by themselves..as in..don't want to believe it is possible.

If it isn't..then you should still find a way..obviously it is life changing for them and you long to tell them.. in your heart and head it feels like the right thing to do.. But, you can also tell them in a way that it isn't as hurtful or life changing for them..and be there to support them afterwards..

It's your choice..mine is only an opinion and what I would do..as no one knows all the variables within the stuation..only you can truly decide what is right..

Hope all goes well,
blend57

a reply to: schuyler
>_>

sorry. I know. I just meant, generally.

a reply to: Peeple

My bad for being so vague.

No, that's not what I'm talking about. Sorry about that.

a reply to: eletheia

my thoughts exactly. thanks

I've decided to say something as soon as I can. If I'm brave, tonight. If not, tomorrow. It's my mom so...yeah I think you're absolutely right.